gRACE for the Cure

2010: The Greatest Year In Sports

2010-12-31T17:13:00.008-05:00

Here's a look back at why I loved this year:

The Saints win the Super Bowl

Five years after Hurricane Katrina where the Saints home field was the emblem of tragedy and pervasive issues of race and class, New Orleans became Super Bowl Champions! The win was such a huge symbol of hope and justice.

The 2010 Winter Olympics

I love watching the Olympic Games and every year the parade of nations makes me cry tears of joy. It is a symbol of hope for peace in the world and the reality of the nations who walk in together in John's vision in Revelation. Although I hate the snow and cold, the winter Games has always been my favorite. This year Bode Miller redeemed himself with a few medals (after years of trying), Apolo Ohno surpassed Bonnie Blair for the most American winter medals (and he's insanely fun to watch when it comes to short track), and Evan Lysacek brought home the first gold in quite some time for the US (and against Russian Plushenko who had the awful gyrating hips heard round the world). And even though I have never enjoyed hockey before, the USA-Canada match was quite fun. Soooo much to say about those games :)

DUKE.

Let's see...Cameron celebrates its 70th Anniversary, Countdown to Craziness, Got front row seats for Duke-Carolina in Cameron, Duke beat (whooped) UNC in Cameron for the first time since 2005, Duke is the ACC Regular Season Champs, Conference Tournament Champs, Regional Champs and NATIONAL CHAMPS!! A grrrrreat year to be a Duke fan!

Isner-Mahut

Greensboro native John Isner plays the longest tennis match in recorded history. He played 183 games over three days to beat Mahut. And it took place in Wimbledon...even better!

World Cup South Africa

I have never been a soccer fan, but this year while working at Church I learned the art of watching this sport which requires careful, meticulous watching. It was fantastic to see that the tournament was held on African soil given how much the continent LOVES futbol. And yes, I even managed to watch it in Espanol! And the Team USA win against Algeria was fantastic! It is official, the US has soccer mania!

Honorable Mentions: USA takes the FIBA World Championship under Coach K; Coach K surpasses Dean Smith for most number of wins--880--and I was in attendance with the fam :)

On Envy

2010-12-22T19:49:00.001-05:00

The sin of envy may not so much be an issue of morality than one of piety. Although it is true that envy is the breeding ground for ruined relationships, desires, expectations, and a sense of gratitude, it also prevents us from fully receiving the lives and circumstances God has given to us as "gift" and which hold the promise of beautiful redemption. If we do not live into the idiosyncrasies of our lives, we cannot enjoy the unimaginable possibilities of their redemption. Envy rejects the reality of our lives for an ideal which we often mask as a redemptive promise, forcing us to miss out on the more authentic and powerful redemption that Jesus brings.

Fantasy Congress

2010-12-17T22:35:00.005-05:00

It's the final night of the 111th Congress. Watching house.gov has been my distraction of choice this semester and I've actually learned a lot. Perhaps the most important lesson is that although a large amount of seemingly silly congratulatory legislation is announced on the House floor (ie. spending 20 minutes to congratulate Duke for the 2010 National Championships), legislators work really hard. Their schedules are grueling and much of it is spent away from their families and with a lot of traveling. It may not always feel like they are serving the public interest, but their job has its own unique and legitimate challenges--ones which I now think I respect. So here they are, my "fantasy team" of the U.S. House. Forgive me if I miss someone, but by golly there are 435 of them...even more if you count delegates! But, in no particular order...

Anthony Weiner, D-NY

I first came across Rep. Weiner while watching Jon Stewart, his former roommate. When the GOP Party-of-No prevented passage of the 9/11 First Responders Bill, Weiner did the sensible thing...he went off. His rant was both courageous and demanded integrity ("you vote yes, if you believe yes") and comical ("the gentleman is correct in sitting"). Not only does Weiner have guts, but he has a sense of righteous indignation, something our culture seems to be missing.

Dennis Kucinich, D-Ohio

First of all, what a great name! It makes me think of Dennis the Menace! I remember Kucinich from the Presidential debates. I was so impressed with his "no" vote on Iraq in addition to his commitment to peace in the world. He takes a number of hard votes, but they often end up being votes which reveal his wisdom over time. He's also known to whip out a copy of the Constitution. Although I'm more interested in Scripture and theology as a guide for ethics and decision-making, Kucinich really embodies what it means to uphold the Constitution he took an oath to protect. He does it in a way that respects the integrity of not just the United States, but the integrity of the global community at large.

Ron Paul, R-TX

Like his friend Kucinich, Ron Paul has a deep respect for the Constitution. Although I am not in favor of some of his ideas involving the Constitution as a document where the founders' 1787 blueprint is the end-all-be-all of American government--nothing detracted, nothing added, I appreciate his defense of time-honored tenets of the Constitution. He spoke out against going to war with Iraq , he spoke out against the TSA scanners and pat-downs, and he even supported the Wikileaks website for using their first amendment rights and calling the U.S. to a higher standard of diplomacy. Paul is often a hit-or-miss for me, but when an important constitutional issue is raised, you will always see Ron Paul at the front lines.

Patrick Kennedy, D-RI

Although Kennedy is well, a Kennedy, he seems to have found his own way. With a Kennedy you get patriotism, civil rights/public service and liberalism--and Patrick is no different. His name is one difficult to live up to and it seems that his path toward Congress was one that reveals a son longing to be like his father, where he attempts to put on a mantle or cloak of ideals he doesn't quite fit into and which doesn't suggest originality or authenticity. But when he took on the cause of those with mental illness, revealed his own personal struggles with mental health to the point of opening himself up to great ridicule, and began to fight the stigma of such a common reality for many by re-framing how we perceive that topic, Patrick Kennedy became a humble hero. But Patrick seems to be a person with certain convictions toward the public good with special attention to society's most vulnerable. He also doesn't seem to be tainted by private interests. These are characteristics which are rare in today's society. Overall, he's a little too patriotic for me--and dare I say it, optimistic, but he seems to have his heart in the right place--his presence in the house will be missed. However, he's on his way to continue this fight, beginning with a call for research into the brain to know how to better treat these illnesses. Now I don't know where I stand on the medical ethics issues concerning brain research, but I do know two things: 1) people who Jesus loves (and who I love) are suffering and in need of healing (embodied in the story of the Gerasene Demoniac in Mark 5:1-20) (2) mental illness is a topic which knows no class, but plays a unique role in homelessness 3) Scripture calls for the hope of things that are not currently seen but which are promised for the redemption of the world (Rom 8:18-25).

Jesse Jackson, Jr., D-IL

Outside of fiscal issues, Jesse Jackson, Jr. and I agree on a number of things. But boy, if you want to watch a well-commanded House floor, you want Jackson sitting in the Speaker's chair. He's kind, respectful, articulate, intelligent and seems to enjoy and take great pride in the seemingly mundane job of Speaker. And from what I've read, even the Republicans appreciate his service in that position--and that is an accomplishment unto itself!

John Lewis, D-GA

He's John freaking Lewis...enough said! Actually no, I will say more. So not only was a critical figure of the Civil Rights Movement with ties to my home state, but he is still emblematic of extraordinary conscience. He has the courage to forgive deeply and the courage to speak out for the oppressed and pay a price for it--decades after he did so as a young student during segregation. What a man to emulate!

Steve Kagen, D-WA

Every time I see this guy speak on the House floor, I'm just blown away by his eloquence and intelligence. Unfortunately, he was not re-elected.

James Langevin, D-RI

Okay, so I hate when people acknowledge someone for a quality that is either often a source of pain or for the sake of what seems to be "PC," but Langevin makes my list because he is in a wheelchair. Not only is he in a wheelchair, but he is a man living with paralysis. I find both he--and his service--such a testament to hope, equality and the beautiful wisdom and diversity of life experience.

Judy Chu, D-CA

And finally, we have Judy Chu...the lady who was able to break Stephen Colbert's character when he testified on the Hill on his experience as a migrant worker for a day. I haven't seen much of Chu, but she not only succeed in making Colbert turn serious, but it seems to be her insightful, curious and approachable personality that allowed for Colbert to divulge an inspirational testimony.

The Youth Vote

2010-10-30T20:30:00.002-04:00

As I was sitting in line to vote today, I noticed that there weren't many folks braving the cold with me who were in my age bracket: the youth vote. Apparently we came out full force for Barack Obama back in 2008, but what's happening this year? The media usually says that we are apathetic, but this year they are also pushing the overall prediction that Republicans are more energized this year and the electorate (not just the election) will reflect that.

However, I have a different assessment. I should be a classic shoe-in for voting. I'm passionate, always willing to give my opinion, I enjoy researching candidates and I'm a former social studies teacher. In general, I'm one of those people who just cares. But I remember the shame of not voting in the 2006 midterm election when I found a candidate I really liked and even though he won, I couldn't say I elected him. I wanted to vote, but I didn't. What is the disconnect? For me, the problem wasn't the typical type of apathy--it was location disillusionment/confusion. I didn't want to vote because I didn't feel connected to the place where I found myself.

In 2004, I voted for the first time in my hometown because I felt more connected to that place. I knew the candidates and felt that I had a stake in what happened there. Not everyone can drive 2.5 hours to go home to vote on election day. In 2006, I didn't want to place a vote in an area that I would leave in a few months due to college graduation. Why should I make decisions for a place I will leave? Why should my vote based on temporary residency cancel out a committed, lifelong resident? In 2008, I felt more stable and connected to the local area I was in, so I felt comfortable voting. A Presidential election year feels more pressing, but I'm often tempted to vote for only national-level politicians because it has a broader connection with me. Now in 2010, I feel unstable again because I have no idea where I will go next, but I voted this year because my Christian Ethics class made me deal with giving to Caesar what is Caesars--in this case, my vote. So I will vote because of a theological conviction, but the location paralysis still gets me.

I think that this issue of location and sense of place is definitely a contributing factor to why young people don't vote and it is often ignored. We are a homeless, unstable people. We want to be involved, want to let our thoughts be heard, but we are insecure about where we belong in local communities. If someone can figure out this dilemma, I think they may have just tapped into the youth vote.

On Culture Wars Part 2

2010-08-20T18:15:00.002-04:00

A few thoughts:

According to a Christian Century blog post entitled "Fog of the Culture War" by Rodney Clapp, author of the uber-fabulous "Families at the Crossroads" (which I just finished), we need to recognize that the culture wars represent a confusing time. Clapp highlights this by citing Abraham Lincoln's 2nd Inaugural Address where he describes the calamity of the soon-to-end Civil War.

"Both [North and South] read the same Bible and pray to the same God, and each invokes His aid against the other. It may seem strange that any men should dare to ask a just God's assistance in wringing their bread from the sweat of other men's faces, but let us judge not, that we be not judged. The prayers of both could not be answered. That of neither has been answered fully. The almighty has His own purposes."

The wisdom of this speech recognizes that when Christians are divided over an issue, that we often think that one side wins, and the other loses. This is often the case, but to a certain extent we both lose. There is still a great sense of loss. There is nothing that feels worse than fighting each other. Sometimes it feels good to get in the last word, the last laught, to humiliate what you disagree with, to feel a sense of self-righteousness, but when it comes at the cost of your brother or alienating another human being, it feels terrible.

The other piece of wisdom that I really appreciate from this piece is that the culture war really is a fog. It is overwhelming. It is difficult to see issues clearly. We may not get to see the truth until a century or so from now. And as much as I don't like that, I'm still called to be present in this place "now" and that I'm called to be a Christian "now." This doesn't meant shrink away from the world, but it does mean being active in the Church.

And secondly, another really interesting body of work to come out is by James Davidson Hunter, who was the Sociologist who invented the term "culture wars" over 20 years ago. In his new book entitled "To Change the World: The Irony, Tragedy and Possibility of Christianity in the Late Modern World" (Oxford: 2010), Hunter gives an overview of how Christians see Culture and Cultural Change. See short summaries of his chapters here. Here is a great article about if from Christianity Today. He identifies that the Christian Left often mirrors the politicized actions of the Christian Right but over a different set of values. As much as I sympathize with the Christian Left, I can't disagree with Hunter's argument.

Hunter also gives an interesting critique on folks like John Howard Yoder and Stanley Hauerwas in their affirmation of what Hunter calls "neo-anabaptist" models because eventhough it rejects Constantinianism and attempts to get back to a "mythic" "authentic" New Testament model of Christianity that such an argument is built on what it rejects. I need to learn more on this.

What Hunter offers instead is a "faithful presence." I'm not sure if I am interpreting this correctly, but I think this gets to the bottom of what my heart yearns for. Faithful presence does not mean "don't get involved," but it means to act Christian in whatever situation you are in. I think what speaks powerfully to me is that it means to act with compassion and grace toward oppressors in addition to the oppressed. It would require me to think compassionately about Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter as much as I think with compassion toward the poor and the oppressed. And I guess it begs the question of whether you can actually be simultaneously compassionate toward all.

Another quick note of something I appreciate tremendously about Hunter is that he expands the definitions of culture. I both enjoyed some things and found myself really frustrated by Andy Crouch's "Culture Making," but I think Hunter spells out for me why I felt so ambivalent. Crouch defined culture primarily as an artifact. He kept talking about what we could learn from an artifact (his example was an omelete) to tell us about culture. Given that I had never had an omelete until I got to college, I felt like crying foul because there was never a question of what made the omelete "normal" for America. I'm American, my family has been here since 1619 and none of my family members had ever had an omelete. Where we are from, you scramble your eggs. I know that he was just trying to give an general yet interesting example, but to me it revealed the limitations of his definition of culture and therefore his advocacy of it. There are systemic issues involved in culture. And this has huge implications for issues of race, ethnicity and even regionalism. Sometimes culture is what we assume. In the words of Hunter, "culture is also infrastructure" (Christianity Today Article, pg. 2).

I think the other problem I had with the culture as artifact argument is that it doesn't really allow folks to question negative aspects of culture. For instance, the goodness of the convenience and amazing power of the iphone does not get into ethical questions about American consumerism, accessibility of such a fantastic product to all people rather than just rich people, labor issues, the company's business practices and political associations. All of those things are assumed. It is assumed because a strong part of American culture is capitalism. The culture is like water to a fish--you don't realize the things that are inherent and therefore most desriptive about a culture until you get into a different environment.

On the Culture Wars

2010-08-20T17:48:00.002-04:00

Not a day goes by, especially in the summer, that I do not get overwhelmed and distracted by the culture wars.

Overwhelmed for a couple of reasons: 1) The "hot button" issues of the culture wars involve a collision of really intimate, almost private issues and a public component about various rights. Take abortion and birth control. This is a very personal issue about sexuality, pregnancy and creating life. It also involves issues of rights of mothers, a history of male coersion and a future of absentee dad-ism, issues of poverty and the questions about where life begins and how to respond to it. Perhaps you don't like my spelling out of the issues I see at play over the abortion/birth control debate, but regardless what makes this issues so overwhelming is that there are very real private and public dimensions to them.

2) There is a feeling that there is such a "divide" in the world over these cultural issues that one has to figure out what they believe. Given the often cyclical nature of various values, meaning that taking a stance on one issue often makes one have to make a statement on a seemingly non-related issue and things get messy. For instance, there is a slippery slope over the issue of "pro-life" when it comes to things such as the death penalty. So to recap that one, having to make up your mind and having to consider and sort through other issues is simply overwhelming.

3) Communication (and community) becomes incredibly hard. It is so difficult to have conversations with people who have a set of beliefs that is so different from your own. Very often we want to "win" the argument and we never really get a chance to hear the real and genuine concerns that another person may have. Therefore, feeling like you can never be heard and to also never really hear from and connect with another human is exhausting.

And finally, the culture wars are overwhelming and incredibly distracting for the Church. It divides us into so many factions that we simply stop being Christians to one another and to others.

I do not think that I will be able to really get my mind around what I think and how I will react about all of the different culture war battles and the latest skirmishes and flare-ups, but I did find some interesting food for thought today which I will share in my next post.

On the Lebron James Hoopla

2010-07-10T17:11:00.000-04:00

Now I’m a college basketball gal. I don’t do the NBA. But I feel that I can’t help but comment on the recent hype, celebration and griping over Lebron James’ move from the Cleveland Cavaliers to the Miami Heat. And I must say that since I graduated in high school in 2003 (also James’ graduation and draft year), that the NBA has come to have a more direct impact on college basketball. Given that many of my fonder memories growing up centered around ACC Basketball and my Dad being a high school basketball Coach, I find that the ways of the NBA influence have therefore become personal.

So many folks have said, “Oh yes, if Lebron wanted to win a championship, his move to Miami is the right move.” And perhaps this is true. But I want to push back against that logic for a moment. Yes, Lebron is a great basketball player (so I’ve heard). And yes, he’s been able to do a TON of great things—first round draft pick, shoulders a lot of stats, won an Olympic Gold medal (under Coach K mind you). And yes, an NBA championship seems to elude him. And I see nothing wrong in continuing to fight for one, but do we have a “right” to win everything? What’s so horrible about that? It seems to me that life isn’t always like that—where you get to win everything.

The other part of this I want to push back against is that the pursuit of winning means “creating” an undefeatable team. I applaud Lebron for realizing that he might not be able to win on his own. I applaud him for giving the million-dollar check for his “big announcement” to the Boys and Girls Club and taking nothing for himself. But I don’t know if using artificial means to creating a team is what makes a “team” championship so glorious. And I know some of you may want to gag or think I’m being Duke-obsessed, but take a look at how the 2010 Duke team managed to win a championship without real “stars,” but individuals who learned their positions and how to work together. When other people ran off to pursue greatness elsewhere (ie. Gerald Henderson) and the natural loss of seasoned players to graduation, this team became a winning team on their own. Perhaps the only “it-factor” they had was Coach K. I hope that the “new” Miami Heat takes notice of how quickly the star-packed Kentucky team went down during the NCAA Tournament this season.

And as a woman, youth volunteer, former school teacher, and as a mom-type, I just want to say that the NBA folks need to remember that our kids are watching you. While you are living out your dreams, the next generation calls you their superheroes and they say that they want to grow up to be just like you. I hope that you take notice that you help shape our society and have more influence to shape it than others do—in large part because you have a connection to important people, power and financial resources and have a connection to real American people and their hardships. Secondly on this note, be mindful of how your own desires and decisions effect the rest of society. There is the issue of money, consumerism, athletics-as-a-ticket-out-of-the-ghetto mentalities, but it also means that when our kid says, “But Mom I just want be recruited by a college or a professional team…can we please move halfway across the country so I can be on a winning or noticeable team so I can have that opportunity,” that this issue eventually becomes a family issue, a family sacrifice. The pursuit of winning will somehow find its way into our living rooms.

Therefore I urge you to consider the rest of us. Know that the means do not always justify the ends. And please, let us all find completeness in something more than just “winning.”

On Christian Dating

2010-07-07T13:01:00.000-04:00

When we hear the words “Christian” Dating, we usually think of the type of dating where it is already agreed upon by a community about what you will and will not do. Of course, the focus usually seemed to be ordered towards “Christian” Marriage. There are many forms of Christian dating, some designed to be more ordered toward marriage (courtship) and some which are oriented toward trying on a variety of people and learning more deeply about other people, relationships and the self while on the way to one day finding a marriage partner. I think what all of these varieties of Christian dating have in common is that sex belongs in marriage—therefore what makes this type of dating different than most others is that both partners will not engage in sexual intercourse even though they both may desire that.

I have definitely seen the range of beliefs on this issue. Some Christians think that any physical activity from kissing, groping and non-penetrative sex is permissible. On the other hand, some believe that one should even wait to have their first kiss in from of the congregation when they get married. Now I do not condone some of what is deemed permissible in that first group.

Although I do agree that Christian dating should be ordered in a way that respects that sex is made for marriage, but I do not think that sex alone should be the consideration of what makes “Christian dating” different from “regular dating.” And if I haven’t made it clear, I think that there should be a definite different. I think what is assumed in Christian dating is that you will date someone else who is a follower of Christ, but I don’t think we fully let those implications of “Christian” impact how we date outside of the sex issue. I’m not necessarily going to prescribe what to do, but I think there are some questions we should be asking ourselves.

What does it look like to be Christian and enter into a relationship with someone else? How do we treat someone when we aren’t interested? How do we look beyond ourselves?

What does it look like once we are in the relationship? How does being Christian affect that? Do we learn patience? Do we learn forgiveness? Do we learn the value of other people? Do we get to build up another person? What do we do when we realize our own selfishness? How do we confront another’s selfishness?

And finally, the one that I don’t think we much give any attention to, but how do we act and be Christians when we are breaking up? How do we treat one another? How do we reintegrate back into Christian community? How do we orient ourselves to understanding that although the privilege of American Christianity is perhaps finding another Church or not having to run into an ex, or having the “right” to ignore the other, how do we live into the reality of that we are both members of the Kingdom of God? I think sometimes we brush off this reality by saying, “Oh, we won’t notice the other person while in heaven, so it is ok.” But what does this mean for bodily resurrection? What does this mean for the Day of Judgment?

Ultimately I think as Christians that we are supposed to look different. I think that people should feel like stopping in their tracks and saying, “Dude, what’s going on over there?” Why do they love each other like that?

Aloneness, Loneliness and Self-Denial (Self-Denial Part 2)

2010-07-06T11:43:00.003-04:00

So if the type of self-denial which Jesus calls for and which Paul attempts to describe is to bring a sense of freedom, what in the world does this mean for someone like me who lives alone? I’ll be honest that I do really try to live and be for others even in the times of my aloneness and my singleness, but it is really easy to either despair when others do not also give of themselves (and therefore making me feel like an unpaid laborer) or to even become self-righteous in my attempts of self-denial. Being alone can make one more prone to loneliness, but it is important to remember that we can also feel lonely while in a crowd, a marriage or a Church setting. So I realized that even though self-denial is meant to be other-oriented, I can still practice and receive the benefits of self-denial when I am alone so that it can tackle my loneliness and hopefully keep me from the edge of despair.

Here is a scenario. I hate doing the dishes. Absolutely hate it! I think that the easy answer in this culture is to say that one day I will be married or live in a communal setting where someone will do the dishes out of love for me. I could say I will do the cooking (which you hate, and I love) and you could do those pesky dishes because you either like it or don’t mind it. I could say that we could do the dishes together and experience the fruit of quality time over something that is menial, exchanging the negativity of something I do not like for something that is life-giving like conversation, presence and co-suffering. Or I could realistically say that I would do the dishes, something I hate, out of love for someone else. I could do that as a means of showing my love by doing something I don’t like or I could do it because I don’t want someone I love to have to do something that I would not want to do myself. All of these things are fine and good in themselves, I do believe, but at the end of the day as a single, living-alone person, the dishes are my responsibility.

Currently my dishes are piled up high in the sink and around the kitchen counter. I have a brilliantly mapped out 2 week plan for cleaning the house on my fridge which many other singles (and not-so-singles) compliment me on. But the reality is that I have never accomplished my brilliant plan! It seems that singleness and living alone gives me the advantage of getting to live solely unto Christ and the Church (not a bad thing at all), but sometimes I still think that it gives me the right to live unto myself in a way that compromises my discipleship. Let me take a step back to say that one of the beautiful advantages of living alone is that if there is a crisis at hand (sickness or death in the family) or something of importance that I need to give my time to (research or volunteering with an organization that builds up the Church and the world) then I do not have to worry about keeping the house clean or even functioning for that matter in way that a home with other people may need. But the point that I am trying to make here is that sometimes we can let the freedom of being responsible only to ourselves be a means to keep us from learning to follow Jesus by diminishing our egos.

Granted I know that sometimes the marriage partnership and even communal living can provide certain benefits and various meeting-of-needs that come with mutual submission and mutual self-denial. I also know that the pain of the single (especially when friends are married and find most of their fulfillment in that relationship, other friendships and duties) is the pain of feeling worn out, giving of yourself all day with no one besides God to pour into you while the rest of the world seems to get the fulfillment of God and others. When we get home, we feel justified in saying, “now it’s time for ‘me.’ I don’t want to go home and do the dishes—and I don’t have to because not doing it affects no one else but me.”

If the road of discipleship is self-denial—especially a self-denial oriented toward others—I am obligated to practicing this virtue not only toward others, but to practice it in a way that orients me toward Jesus. I don’t think that necessarily means I should get off my rear and announce to the world that “I am doing my dishes for Jesus,” that just sounds silly and over-religious. But I do think that there may be something to learning self-control as a fruit of the Spirit. What if I were to catch myself when my mind says, “I don’t want to do that.” Or what if I was able to let Jesus save me from the reality of despair in a world of isolation (even when the Church plays into that reality) by saying “Instead of comparing myself with others, I will not grow weary in doing good, I will not grow weary in following Jesus. Rather, I will do those dishes for the very reason I don’t want to do them—because my self-absorbed nature says that I don’t want to do it.” I think that that is a very different reason than saying that I will “pick myself up by my boot straps and do it,” different than “I’m a strong, confident woman who can take care of myself, thank you very much,” and different from saying “I’m an uber-responsible android who believes in doing things perfectly and I will keep myself busy to avoid feeling the depths of my humanity” This is about self-control and dying to the self.

I’m going to try this over the next few weeks. Of course my gut instinct is to always go hard-core immediately, but I think I’m going to start by doing one task a day that I don’t want to do. It might be doing the dishes. It might be cleaning the litter box. It might be writing an email that I fear writing for some reason. It might be turning off the television. It might be heading to the library to get some work done. It might mean taking the time to cook a healthy meal rather than an adequate one. But I’m going to try it…recognizing when there is something that I don’t want to do (which is good for me) and doing it as a means of expressing allegiance to Christ and denial of self.

**Self-denial doesn’t mean not having an identity. If self-denial is the way of discipleship not only because Jesus and Paul said so, but that Jesus also was the embodiment of this virtue (Philippians 2) then it involves acknowledging what you are giving up and what pains you are taking on. It is knowing how much we love a Snickers bar that brings pain when we give it up. It is someone else knowing how much we love that Snickers bar and therefore give it up for someone else to have and to enjoy which communicates our love for that person. This is the beauty of self-denial. I think my current attitude is finding that we can practice self-denial even when others are not around to receive the benefits. I can practice self-denial in a way that will pave the way for better relationships, a better view of myself (because I am not letting my ego get the best of me…and my chores will be done and my home will be prepared when someone wants to come over and is in need of love or if they want to come and love and enjoy me), and ultimately a cleaner heart that can love God better.

***Also, if my gut reaction is to alienate myself from others because of the stench of their self-absorbtion, tackling my own ego problems can be helpful for me. 1) Taking the log out of my own eye first in accordance to Scripture 2) Loving the sinner, hating the sin 3) Re-establishing relationships 4) Gaining humility by recognizing that I do the very things I condemn others for

Independence Day vs. Self-Denial

2010-07-05T16:57:00.001-04:00

In the past few weeks, I have poured over issues of the self. I watched documentaries, I read books, I analyzed ethical issues, pondered my own “self” and attempted to find some help from the Scriptures. Now keep in mind that I did not turn over every rock and every stone, but I think I have come to a few conclusions. Yes, as Americans, we have an almost narcissistic view of the self and our discussions of ethics and politics often center on individual rights, thoughts, feelings, ideologies, etc. And as American Christians, we are often no different, assuming that our status as members of a heavenly Kingdom gives us entitlement in various areas. And perhaps the most alarming way in which we argue for ourselves is saying that “we are free in Christ.”

Yesterday, the 4th of July, the United Methodist Church lectionary landed us on Luke 10 and Galatians 6:7-16. Now the passage in Luke concerned Jesus sending out the seventy with a harsh word about how to do “ministry.” The seventy are told to take nothing with them on their journey and to rely on other people to provide for their basic needs. Jesus said that “the laborer” or those sent out “deserved to be paid” for their efforts but his instructions implied that the disciples would both be rejected by some (perhaps those they would expect to provide for them) and accepted and provided for by others (perhaps those they would not expect to provide for them). It demands a roller coaster experience for the ego of being rejected and received (even for our basic needs).

The Galatians passage seemed to give much comfort to those who would easily “become weary in doing good.” I can only imagine that the discipleship roller coaster would bring about such a feeling that could lead to despair and giving up of doing, practicing and being good. But Paul says to the Galatians to not grow weary because there is a real time where the fruit of our labors will appear. And that seems to assume that those who reaped bad things will eventually get their due as well. I wondered what provoked Paul’s words here and I was also struck by the appearance of the word “freedom” throughout the letter—a popular word to notice on Independence Day. When I scrolled backwards from my place in the lectionary passage, I came across Galatians 5:13, which read very differently to me than it had before.

"For you were called to freedom, brethern; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another"

It seems that “our freedom” is not something that is really meant for ourselves, but it is supposed to be oriented toward another. I think this is an extremely foreign concept for American Christians given the suppositions that I highlighted above. It causes one to pause and think, “you mean, I’m not free for myself?” Or perhaps it makes us respond by saying, “I thought we were freed from the law by grace so that we would not have to do things anymore?” I think the answer is a definite “yes” with Paul when he says “It was for freedom that Christ set us free” (Gal 5:1a) but our freedom may not look how we want it to be. I think part of what we forget is that Christ is coming to set us free from ourselves. Our freedom, according to Galatians 5:13 is opposed to the self, the flesh or the old sin-nature which was a preoccupation of self.

Reflections on my Month of Documentaries

2010-06-29T23:52:00.002-04:00

1. Supersize Me

After two years of trying to push through a thyroid disorder, I have been amazed at the importance of the relationship between food, our bodies and God. As Dr. Wirzba says, eating reminds us that we are still creatures, reliant on God and God's creation. Supersize Me shows the underside of what eating the wrong things can do to you. And to make things even worse, marketing plays a role in skewing information and leading us off course into territory that has us degrade our bodies.

2. The Century of Self (BBC)
I highly recommend this one. It comes in 4 parts.

The first section focuses on Edward Bernays, the nephew of Sigmund Freud and the founder of "Public Relations." Not long after Freud had compiled and sythesized all of his thoughts and ideas on the power of the unconcious, underlying animalistic desires, and a certain depravity of humanity that is a danger to society, Bernays brought those ideas to American business. I can almost see it happening so innocently, an appopriation of knowledge that is dangerous. Ironically, I think that the Church had probably tapped into some of that for years. Anyway, Bernays used this information to get people to buy into various ideas. One of these ideas was consumption. Bernays was already "in bed" with business so to speak, so he used psychology to get folks to buy more products. Part of the idea behind filling folks with products is that the products could represent their desires and the people could assume that they were happy. Meanwhile, folks wouldn't worry about things like democracy if they were chasing "stuff" or thought that "stuff" made them happy. Keep in mind that Bernays was originally was in charge of "propaganda" but he changed the name to "public relations" because it had been closely associated with Nazi Germany. Yet again, when you think about it, this is the same information that the Bible has been telling us for a while: idolatry, love of money, treasures on heaven vs. treasures on earth, etc.

Part 2 focuses on Freud's daughter, Anna, as she attempts to carry on her father's work. While Freud seemed to be very pessimistic about society, Bernays saw the information as something to exploit (to become incredibly wealthy and politically powerful), Anna honed in on child psychology and pragmatically believed that society could shape us in such as way as to tame our inner badness. Her teachings reflect the leave-it-to-beaver era of the 1950s and which slowly began to be questioned throughout the 60s and 70s. By those later periods, psychologists were beginning to advocate letting the devil out of you rather than trying to repress it. While this is a fascinating shift, I wanted the BBC to follow that lead to how we deal with ideas about our inner badness, but it didnt' go there. However, they made a shift toward explaining that whoever you are once you release all of your inner badness and society's pressures, then you both arrive at the real self or you can be so stripped of self that you can create a new self. Either trajectory resulted in people who now sought out a certain means of self-expression, a need which advertising would eventually pick up on. Part 3 in particular goes in depth of how business could now target not just a general audience, but could focus in on particular subsets "the prep," "the hippie," "the jock" and people who buy stuff to fit their lifestyle as a means of self-expression. Yet again, advertising, marketing and consumption would be able to manipulate the inner workings of the human desire--in this case to be oneself. I think these two segments should speak to the Church in how we describe the self. The only way I can pull my head around it is using the language of the old and new self as described by the apostle Paul. The new self does bring freedom and the old has to be stripped away. I think the Church might actually have a lot to say about this.

I was not as impressed with Part 4. It centers on President Clinton and Prime Minister Tony Blair as examples of how the techniques that were born in the marriage of business and psychology come to politics. The previous section showed that Reagan and Margaret Thatcher were able to win elections with assertions of the individual which appealed to the new understanding of the self. In the case of the rise of the New Left, both Clinton and Blair used focus groups, polls, etc. to pander to swing voters in attempt to always please the people. Although the political focus seems to be a offswing from the previous three sections premises about business, self and consumption, a certain truth rises at the end. If you try to pander to the public, then you are always at the mercy of the sway of people's opinions and desires. The individual reigns while a sense of community is demolished.

Although this documentary was made in 2002, I almost felt that Part 4 could have easily gone into the impact that "the self" has had in Church culture. All I could think about was the algining of the Christian Right with George Bush and a focus on "personal relationship with Jesus Christ," making a "decision" for Jesus, arguments concerning the individual's right to choose (and even how all of that gets into the culture wars). I'm not articulating it very well, but there is so much that we can talk about as far as the Church and the individual goes. Unfortunately today, the easiest consumers, most easily decieved consumers are Christians. Sell a piece of decorative wood with a Scripture on it, a Christian will buy it. Sell a knock-off t-shirt from a popular advertisement and substitute the logo with "Jesus," a "conservative" Christian will buy it. Sell a t-shirt that says something about AIDS, poverty, Africa with a small percentage of the proceeds going to those causes, then a "liberal" Christian will probably buy it. Why else do you think Bono chose to base the Product Red campaign on corporations? I heard him in an interview say that the market has become the way that people excersie their democracy (and I wonder if this is sometimes how we attempt to exercise our faith). Consumption has totally taken over the Church. I no longer feel comfortable in most evangelical Churches, not just because of politics or on certain hermeneutics, but because everyone dresses so nice it makes it seem like you gotta be rich to be a Christian--or at least stylish.

To be continued.

Why the Church has a Dating Crisis

2010-06-24T14:02:00.001-04:00

What can be more American than dating? Boy likes girl. Girl flirts with boy. Boy gets the nerve to ask out girl. Girl says yes. Boy wants to kiss the girl. Girl wants it to be like a fairytale. Remember, it is first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes their spawn in a baby carriage. And of course, they will live happily ever after. We laugh at this story, but I think deep down we believe it. But I’m not sure if the Church should be believing this story.

What kind of stories does the Church believe in? What do we believe about people? I think we enter a danger zone when we act as if the destiny of Church members is to get married. I am not saying that marriage is not good. Surely it is good! Jesus may have been single, but he retained the rigor of marital fidelity. Paul too was single and he promoted singleness first and foremost while also building up marriage. And clearly, Genesis tells us that leaving and cleaving with a spouse is good. But I’m not sure if getting married, having 2.3 kids, a well-paying job and a house in the suburbs is one of the promises that God gives to us.

God gives us many promises. I, the Lord your God, will never leave you and will never forsake you. I will remove your sin as far as the east is from the west. I will give you eternal life. I will send you the Holy Spirit. I will make you, as a member of my Church, my bride. These promises are good. These promises are eternal. But the promise that is made in marriage is to death do us part. We will always have God, therefore our primary relationship is the one we have with God. And although our faith is not contingent on our keeping of God’s commands, the law, but Jesus summarized the commandments as loving God and loving neighbor. These two things we can do without being married. So this is the goal, not marriage, though marriage may be one aspect of living out the Great Commandment.

Instead of asking what marriage is, I think we have to start the conversation with what we believe about God and what we believe about humanity. Perhaps a good place to start is to insert a statement of faith, the most broadly accepted among Christians being the Apostle’s Creed. This is a good starting point for understanding what we as the Church believe about God. As far as humanity goes, we find that we are messy. We are made in the image of God, We are sinners, We are Saints and are becoming Saints. We are living in the in-between of Jesus coming to save us and the Kingdom which is coming on earth and already is in heaven. This in-between stuff is just messy.

I’ve made the claim that the Church has a dating crisis, and here is why. I would suggest that we don’t love God or our neighbors very well in the ways in which we date. Too often we give baggage to one another in ways that does not build up the Church. Forgiveness, redemption and transformation builds up the Church, but too often I think that we say that those words are too “heavy” for the casualness of our culture’s dating habits.

Here is one real-life scenario:

By the time Elinor entered the evangelical dating culture, she had waited to date, assuming that Christian dating meant that one had eyes on marriage and taking things slow. So she dated Isaac. Isaac had already dated Melody. When she first got to school, she had a crush on Evan who at the time was dating Melody. Melody eventually married Frank who was a Senior member of their college fellowship. Frank had dated Mary, another Senior, two times. Mary was best friends with Scott, who tried to date Elinor once things didn’t work out with Isaac. Scott was also friends with Frank and Evan. Scott made Elinor think he wanted to marry her, but snuck away and married Heather. Scott and Heather eventually showed up to be small group leaders at a Conference, where Mary was in charge of setting up small groups. Out of the awkwardness, Elinor ended up hanging out with Celia, Scott’s ex-girlfriend, who she had met at the Conference the year before when she still thought he wanted to marry her. Elinor and Celia never knew or spoke about their Scott connection. Meanwhile at the same conference, Elinor’s friend Anne was dating Ken, who she at one point in time also had a crush on. Ken broke up with Anne the night before Elinor and Anne headed on a mission trip that included Isaac, who still had not really resolved things with Elinor. Meanwhile, Mary started dating her eventual husband Matthew, who was best friends and co-workers with Michael. Elinor had had a crush on Michael since the year before, so she thought about asking Anne to hook her up with Michael as Anne’s job transfer made her Michael’s co-worker. A few months later, Michael and Anne start dating and yes, eventually married. And to make it all that much more bizarre, they were all part of the same Christian fellowship group.

Such a scenario looks more like a who-dunnit puzzle than the Church. Although there are safeguards about physical boundaries in dating in that subculture, dating creates a trainwreck for those relationships. And it seems that relationships, how we treat our neighbors, is what is important to God. I think it is more than just “not having sex.” It is about loving our neighbors. I’m not sure how to quell the relational awkwardness that American-style dating can have for the Church, but I think it is definitely worth thinking about the effect it has on the Church and how it narrates what we believe.

Attention All Helicopter Parents...

2010-06-08T19:45:00.004-04:00

...and those who who think that they don't fit that bill.

Your baby came out of the womb at his or her own pace.

Your newborn suckled at its mother's breast without being taught how.

One day after trial and error, your toddler walked when he figured it out.

She told you when she was ready for a big girl bike.

The government deemed that when they are 16 they have what it takes to drive and when they are 21 that they can handle the alcohol choice.

And the Bible says that there is a day that a man will leave his mother and cleave to his wife.

They may be put into your charge to teach them about life on the earth, but first and foremost they are God's. They came from God and are meant to return to God. And most likely, they are an important part of your sancfication. There is a time to return them over to the care of the one who Created them.

On Time-Sickness

2010-06-05T15:25:00.002-04:00

**Taken from an unknown source

"We have forgotten how to look forward to things, and how to enjoy the moment when they arrive. Restaurants report that hurried diners increasingly pay hte bill and order a taxi while eating dessert. Many sports fans leave sporting evnets early, no matter how close the score, simply to steal a march on the traffic. Then there is the curse of multi-tasking. Doing two things at once seems so clever, so efficient, so modern. And yet what it often means is doing two things not very well."
---
"'Time-sickness' can be a symptom of a deeper, existential malaise. In the final stages before burnout, people often speed up to avoid confronting their unhappiness. Kundera thinks that speed helps block out the horror and barrenness of the modern world: "Our period is obsessed with a desire to forget, and it is that desire that gives it over to the demon of speed..."
---
"The rush and pressure of modern life are a form, perhaps the most common form of innate violence. To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything is to succumb to violence. More than that, it is cooperation with violence. The frenzy of the activist neutralizes his work for peace. It destroys her own inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of his own work because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful." --Thomas Merton

The Activity of the Activist

2010-06-04T20:13:00.002-04:00

I do not have anything against activists. In fact, I consider myself one. I used to think that I was not a political person, but on hearing Jonathan Kozol's definition I realized that it must define me. He said, "Politics is what you do in the morning about what you thought about at night." In my increasing understanding that action is necessary to following Jesus and embodying the already-here-not-yet Kingdom of God, I have also found that changing the world cannot rest completely on my shoulders. This is God's work and God is gracious enough to let me play a part as a means of worship in God's redemptive plans for the world. I cannot do eveything and I must give honor to my status as creature: I must eat, I must rest my weary bones, I must take time to sabbath, etc. This is not simply a worldly battle and it is not simply a spiritual battle.

Granted I was not always able to be present for worship while volunteering for a conference of Christian activists, but I was overwhelmed by the sense of busyness, meetings, networking, "make it quick," gotta-have-it-now mentality of a number of the conference attendees. There is almost a spirit at times of "if God doesn't connect me with this organization or get me a network meeting with this associate, then God has no plans for me." Or it goes even further to if I don't put myself in those positions, then God can't find ways to speak to me and/or help me make connections. Or perhaps it is with resources. If I don't take that book now or ask for special permission to have it held for me while I get money, then someone else will get it.

It is amazing to me how folks who use the language of "we are one community" or "one church" as a means to becoming involved in social justice and reconciliation, yet on a personal, mundane level folks had trouble living into the virtues of dying to oneself, patience, listening, trusting in God's providence, sabbath, truthfulness, empathy, etc. I saw a lack of teamwork and a rise in exclusiveness and individualism. It seems that we as the Church have a lot of work to do in embodying the Gospel in everyday encounters and with the world and with God at large.

Final Duke Semester Reflections

2010-05-17T17:19:00.002-04:00

Here it is, a summary of what I learned this semester...

In no particular order...

1. The Church often fails in how we talk about the Holy Spirit. We either ignore the Spirit completely or overemphasize the Spirit--all in a way that does not accurately convey who we say we believe in the Holy Trinity. This has PROFOUND implications in theology and practice. In the words of Dr. Turner, it is all about learning about who the person of the Holy Spirit is!

2. There are some major problems with substitutionary atonement. If we are not talking about what we are saved for then we lose the mission of God. The mission is not "saving" but getting involved in why and how God is saving. God is saving more than human souls--God is redeeming the world for a purpose. Yet again, understanding this has HUGE implications for ministry. This is huge for evangelism, how we explain salvation, how we ignore sanctification, etc. It also ties in very closely with a diminished view of the Creator God, the Resurrection of Jesus and the work of the Holy Spirit.

3. Protestantism has some problems. These limitations are most present in #1 and 2. We make things all about the cross, all about Jesus, all about Scripture. There is nothing wrong with these things, as they are critical yet not the full story and therefore not the full Gospel.

4. Hitting children in NO way fits into what we as the Church believe about God, humanity and how people learn. And it is WAY more theological than we would EVER want to imagine.

5. There is a Church that exists in the prison. And unlike my previous thoughts before taking a class in Prison Ministry, it isn't just because prisons are filled with those who are innocent or political/religious prisoners. If we want to really know what redemption means, then we desperately need to hear from these Brothers and Sisters.

6. This semester Sam Wells wanted to give us the gift of knowing how to dismantle arguments. And therefore I learned that you can argue about something until you are blue in the face both thinking you are right unless you learn how to explain the perspective in which you or another person is coming from. In the words of Dr. Jennings, it means getting closer rather than moving apart.

7. There is great beauty in redeeming birth and death from insitutions. Both are a windows into what it means for us to be creatures who were made by and for God.

8. The nation-state is an Enlightenment concept and therefore there are some real problems with it. We would be wise to not see it as providence, but to see it as an imperfect tool to help us to get closer to the type of people and world God would want us to be.

9. I need to learn more about the theology of beauty and the body.

10. The beauty of the Church is that we are supposed to provide the gift of alternatives to the rest of the world. We are freed for new ideas and are being sanctified by the Creative force of the Holy Spirit.

The National Championship and the Church

2010-05-16T16:44:00.002-04:00

Okay, forgive me people, but Duke basketball analogies are constantly on my mind...and even for Carolina fans it has the potential to bring good news...

1. The little things

This year Duke had one of those teams that in the beginning of the year no one thought would make it very far. I remember losing so much of my confidence with the loss of Greg Paulus (the emotional heart), Gerald Henderson (the slasher), Elliot Williams (the up-and-coming freshman) and some of our key bench players (Dave McClure, Marty Pocious, and Olek Czyz). But in the ashes of these loses emerged a Duke team that relied on teamwork and became winners because they were a unit rather than talented individuals. What would the Church be like if we could learn to play like a team that works well together rather than be rugged individuals? What would the Church looked like if we learned how to cherish our memories together? What would it look like if we learned to look for miracles in small places?

2. The Glory of Victory

Although I watched the game from Cameron, it took me a few days to realize that we had won. It began to sink in once I saw the bookstore fill with National Championship t-shirts. When campus started to flood with outside visitors. When even the ghettos of Durham were even pumping out their own $5 T-shirt designs in honor of the win. When the coaches and players returned to give their testimony. When we as fans gathered to remember and talk about what happened. Even in the days and weeks afterward folks began to proudly wear their newly minted Duke gear. And then it made me realize that someone else, namely the team, had to secure this win so that the rest of us could have the right to say that "we" too had won the National Championship. I think this is what Church is supposed to be like. Gathering to remember, to witness, to testify...all because someone else secured our victory and gave us a right to have a new name (National Champions/Beloved of God) written on our chests and hearts.

3. The Discipline of Celebration

The excitement around following the win was amazing. It came with deep laughter, light-hearted love and amazement and butterflies! I can't help feeling the elation again when I watch videos from Cameron where the students erupt into pure joy!!! My eyes water, my heart skips a beat and a smile cannot be quieted from my face. At first I jokingly told my friend Allison who is an IV staffworker at Duke to play Cascada's "Everytime We Touch" at the regional summer camp in front of everyone at dinner. I knew that the song would cause the Crazies to jump out of their seats and into a jumping frenzy! To rationalize it I said, "Just tell the others to enter into our joy" and to "rejoice with those who rejoice." And then I realized that maybe that isn't too far from the Church's job. If we practiced these disciplines of sharing with one another and celebrating together then how much more could we learn to be One with each other as Jesus prayed while in the garden of Gethsemane (John 16)?

Great Expectations

2010-05-05T06:02:00.002-04:00

In the past few days, expectations has hit me over the head--but this time, in a positive way. It is fascinating to me how much our lives revolve around having expectations and reacting to them. In the therapy world, there is a lot of talk about the pressure and reality of false expectations. I find it really interesting that we often leave discussions of "expectations" in the realms of dating and sex. These conversations arise out of relational conflict, so it made me pause to think that perhaps "expectations" are present throughout our relationship.

For example, I utterly and completely clash with my family when we go on vacations. I get mad and angry when my precious vacation time is violated. For instance, at the beach I want to sleep in, grab breakfast at home, read all day long on the beach, return for a shower, go out to eat, watch a rental movie and go to bed--and most importantly--NEVER turn on the television. So when I get woken up early, get conned into an afternoon activity or get sucked in by a TV that's left on, I end up feeling angry and resentful. In reality, we simply have different ideas (and therefore expectations) of what a vacation is like.

To avoid the drama this year, I tried hard to state clearly to my family what I wanted to do on our vacation. I even tried to do some flexible planning so that I wouldn't get grumpy and frazzled so that some of my expectations could be fulfilled. I tried to gage from others what they wanted to do as well. Although my attempts didn't work out so well, I think next time I would advocate assertiveness and sharing my expectations and preparing folks for the inevitable emotions that come with unmet expectations.

Now the old therapy discussions of false expectations is real. If you are on a limited budget, you probably can't expect to go on a $100 per person dolphin sight-seeing excursion, but you can use other people to help you identify realistic desires and help others to realize them. For example, if dolphins are what propels the desire then go visit the Aquarium or if its about the adventure, rent a kayak or jet ski.

"Go with the flow" or "just be open" never really works. Just as one of my history professors says that every "unbiased" historian has an ideology, every just-wanna-be-open-person has expectations. I think underneath that attitude is a desire for people-pleasing and stifling ones desires so that they won't be hurt. I think that there are some rare occassions where "going with the flow" is real, but it comes out of a deep desire for abiding with ones company. In that sense, one's expectation is to enjoy and be with people. I don't think that either is a more holy place than the other.

One of the things that I'm finding about being honest about expectations and setting boundaries is that it leaves room for you to enjoy what you have. Having expectations is inevitable, so things become less messy when you can be honest about them. But it also creates room for beauty. There is a bizarre mix of healthy goal-setting and even a more authentic sense of openness when expectations are clear. Acknowledging expectations allows you to truly enjoy something for what it is. For instance, if you say that you want to spend a week reading on the beach or take an excursion then you can not only enjoy those moments, but there is a sense of fulfillment that your goal has been met. Perhaps it didn't radiate every expectation you had for it, but there is a sense of satisfaction of "crossing something off your list" as my friend Katie describes it. And then if you take care of some of your more important expectations, then you have room to explore other things without feeling of loss when your own needs and desires aren't met.

So the word is...figure out your expectations, communicate them, compromise and enjoy :)

Abounding Beauty

2010-04-24T22:14:00.001-04:00

(this is Jen fixing a previous post, May 6)

For the past few weeks, my mind has been incredibly opened to the power and presence of beauty. Perhaps it is the arrival, the in-breaking and the blossoms of Spring that have sprung this one on me. I have a tendency to let reality stifle creating beauty in my life. But for some reason, beauty makes me thankful, hopeful and joyful. This should not be a surprising find given that some Catholic friends I met who have a prison ministry in their home spoke so much about a theology of beauty and how their home was meant to reflect that.

When I actually get around to cleaning my house, it pushes me to be more thankful for what I have. There is something bizarrely wonderful about taking care of something, polishing it up, experssing a hidden inner beauty, and having the comittment to tidy everything up just a week later. But I know that when my house it clean, I get a chance to rejoice in the beauty that I create through decorating as it fuses with God's gifts: bright sunlight coming through a room, an inherited piece of furniture or birds chirping as background music to a beautiful morning waking up in a room of calming colors.

I'm finding that beauty abounds in the most unexpected of places and it brings joy to my heart! Typically I identify beauty as costly and shallow, but the joy in my heart is what cries out for a balance. Look at the woman who anoints Jesus with oil--she is a testimony of abundance and beauty where she pours an expensive perfume on the Savior's feet. As the disciples get tongue tied wondering why this woman should let something go to waste, Jesus reminds them that this woman will be remembered for her faith for generations.

Now I am an opponent of the health and wealth Gospel, but I cannot deny that this woman used something costly and material and used it to point to the new reality of the coming Kingdom that Jesus would inaugurate with his death and resurrection. Perhaps there is room to experience and express beauty as a reminder of the coming Kingdom and the beauty of the love and character of God.

Posts for the coming weeks: The Theology of the Body, The Creative Spirit...who knows, maybe I'm slowly becoming Catholic!

dfjdk

2010-04-12T14:56:00.001-04:00

Duke Basketball: Favorite Images from 2009-2010's

2010-04-11T23:46:00.001-04:00

Countdown to Craziness!!

Check the highlights.
Hilarious videos: Kyle and the lemurs, and Nolan and the "Titanic" stare

Return of the Champions!!

Nolan Smith as Johnny Dawkins for his attempt at winning hte dunk competition

The bye-bye Vasquez poster! Word of advice to the Crazies for next year: use hand sanitizer before touching the blue sharpie to sign posters to avoid all-campus flu-like symptoms outbreak!

Getting my game face on before the Duke-UNC game. Thanks Dad for the paint job!!

And the Div School is back to foul shot antics. Glad to say that these folks might one day be your pastor :)

In your face!! I bet Harrison Barnes wishes he signed with Duke! Next year you can skype your one-and-done status.

Jon Scheyer--never afraid to battle for the ball. Check out Jon's mom who has a petrified look on her face. Is it scary that I did the exact same thing she did?! Mr. Scheyer seems to think his tough son will be alright.

Only regular season shot that I can't find is Miles Plumlee getting stiches in his head and coming back for a dunk!

Zoubs picking up Wojo after the National Championship game!

Nolan in front of the 1980 Championship logo after winning his own championship in 2010. His late father won in the same city in 1980!

And of course, who can live without my view of Duke winning the 'Ship from inside Cameron! With Zoubek "Z" in view. Rushing the court. Screen view.

Jen's Trend Alert!!

2010-04-10T18:45:00.010-04:00

Here it is, a few of my favorite things!

1. Nail Polish

Check out O.P.I.'s You Don't Know Jacques--Matte or Sally Hansen's Complete Salon Commander in Chic. I never thought that I would be a nail polish fan.

2. Chambray

photo: Gap tote, $34.50

3. Bags from saribari.com

Inexpensive bags made from discarded sari's and stitched together by women in Calcutta's red light district. FAIR TRADE!!

photos: saribari.com, approx $20

4. Earrings from Ten Thousand Villages

photos, tenthousandvillages.com, double hoop brass earrings made in Kenya $18, scrollwork hoop earrings made in India $16, layered spirals earrings made in Kenya $10.50

5. Leather Flip Flops

photos: abercrombie.com, leather flip flops $46 also available in kids

The Power of "We"

2010-02-12T15:58:00.002-05:00

I have a pretty massive tendency toward self-righteousness. I know, some of you are sighing relief that I'm actually aware of this. I am quite thankful to Marshall Benbow for pointing out to me how John Perkins uses the word "we." It is a word that is inclusive and points to realities that we all need to be aware of. It points to shared life and ownership.

So I was quite intrigued on Thursday when Sam Wells, Dean of Duke Chapel and my Christian Ethics Professor (who is from England) mentioned that "we" in the South have a problem with race that stems from the history of slavery. This isn't his words exactly, but when he mentioned the need to move into the prophetic voice about the South's problem with our racial history I was ready to take a beating. The horror of this history for me as a white daughter of the South is incredibly burdensome to me, but I've also found that it pushes me more torward Jesus in my recognition of sin.

I am quite used to situations where the awful tension exists when Southerners, Northerners or white folks whose families immigrated to America after the abolition of slavery or whose families were part of immigrant populations to other parts of the country in the 20th Century say that the "race problem" is not their problem. They claim that they are innocent. So imagine my surprise and giddiness when a British man who has only lived in America for five years used the inclusive "we."

In that moment I felt freedom. Freedom from judgment. Not the type of freedom from judgment that lets me off the hook, but the type that includes all of us into our sin problem and the realities of the contexts in which we live. It was an embrasive call toward a future reality of recognizing a real problem that matter for the Church and for people.

I was also surprised that upon asking him his reasons for using "we" in regards to the American South, that the answer was in his relocation. I naturally thought that it was theological or historical reference about culpability, but I was encouraged by his genuineness to seek a life here in my country and take on my culture with all of its beauty and problems. I wonder what it would look like for me to adapt this understanding of "we" and cross cultural community?

Location vs. Identity: The Church, The Margins and the Status Quo

2010-01-31T15:02:00.002-05:00

Maybe Tim Tebow has a point--I need/want to live with John 3:16 posted so closely to my eyes that it forces me to reimagine the world. I am not a fan of the one-verse trumps the whole Bible method of reading, interpreting and living Scripture, but that verse is certainly not a bad one. When I try to super-spiritualize (and even legalize) who the Church is, it is good for me to go back to this verse and note that God loved (not just me) but the whole world and that "whosoever believes in Him will have everlasting life"--emphasis on whosoever.

This verse forces us to ask the question of "who is the Church?" And, "where is the Church?" This question becomes increasingly difficult when they are applied to Christian ethics. For instance, I understand that "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God." But what does this mean when only 1% of the world has a college education--a fact that immediately makes those of us with a degree automatically be considered part of the world's wealthy. What does this mean for Christian ministries who are committed to working with college students? Does this mean that these folks are really "not Christian?" I don't think so.

Another argument that has been posed to me is: "Every Christian should go to seminary to become a better Christian"--as if there is a connection with education and morality. Please don't think that I am dumping on seminary or education (you must remember that you are talking to an education guru), but the problem with that statement is that it assumes that the poor and the illiterate cannot operate well in the world to bring their discipleship to fruition. It assumes that we can only have good theology, good ethics or good interpretations of Scripture if we have become education--read become rich.

The implication of this might even be that if we as the "educated Christians" call for an ethic of marginality and downward mobility as a universal ethic, that this will have bizarre implications for the poor. Does this mean if I am poor that the only way to become more like Jesus or the become more Christian is to become "poor-er?" Or the other scholarly implication I have heard is that "the Church isn't about me and Jesus or me and my Bible, but it is about living in community." What does this mean for my brothers in Christ I met earlier this week who are incarcerated and not allowed to live in community? Are they not real Christians then?

These two paradigms seemed to clash in our class, the Nation-State and Theology of Africa. Our Professor eagerly tried to get us to see how locating or relocating the Church on the margins was a method for allowing our Christian identity to interrupt the way of the world as a means of creating communities and practices of resistance against the status quo. I noticed that the groups that were all-white tended to want to stick to the belief that our Gospel incarnation model shows us that we must be "centrally" located and not "marginally" located. I could almost hear our evangelical stories telling us: "You must put Jesus at the center of your life," "you must use and steward your gifts in a way that put you in the realms of power," "true humility is letting others take the credit for our hard efforts because Christ credits us righteousness."

I realized that our group was speaking of bastions of power and central locations, "development" and "partnership" in ways that our Professor was trying to get us to move away from, but it didn't really hit me until I saw one of the black students start to laugh while our group shared. It hit me. We were a group of all white people. We could not imagine a way for Christianity to interrupt the world in powerful ways that was not located from a central place of authority. We as white Americans (especially in the context of Africa) have always operated from a central location seeking change rather than trying to influence from the margins. We may think we are on the margins if we relocate ourselves to the middle of Africa, depriving ourselves of real luxuries and means of power that we have available to us in the U.S., but we can only imagine true change coming from the center and we forget that our very identity as Westerners automatically labels us not as "one on the margins who is replaceable or disposable." If the Church is meant to be at the margins, can we really become marginal by relocating?

What I think this means is that there must be something deeper than just seeing our Christian ethical lives by living through an idea of central location or marginality. I think what I am pushing toward is what does it mean to simply "become Christian?" I think it also means that we must be careful in how we speak "universally" about what Christianity should look like. We also must be aware of our context. But more importantly, we must become Christian, whatever that might be or mean.

Jen in the City

2010-01-16T13:15:00.003-05:00

It's official, I have spent my first summer and semester living the city life. It has been quite a comical journey as I try to navigate what that means having grown up in the country my whole life. So here is a list of "firsts" and weird encounters:

1. Recycling! My first true chance to recycle was back when I was in Governor's School and there was a recycling bin at the lobby of our dorm room at Salem College. But for the first time ever, I have my own recycling bin!! And to top it off, the city of Durham has upgraded from blue recycling bin to a blue recycling trash can with wheels!! Double thanks to my neighbors who politely moved my bin to the correct side of the road.

2. Trash pick up. Apparently you have sign up for these things. Living in the city, you must put out your cans in specific places, if you don't then it won't get picked up. So long days of the trash man taking your trash to the street for you and returning it to its proper place. I found this out after desperate attempt to explain to Durham Waste Management that I'm a country girl and needed help to understand the process!

3. Street Sweepers??!! Seriously?! I have never in my life heard of a street sweeper! It used to terrify me when it came by at about midnight along my alley and streets. It sounds like a vaccum meets a power plant! I'm still confused as to why we need this.

4. Seeing traffic and racing emergency vehicles was a relatively new experience. I no longer run to the window to find out what frightening thing might have happened.

5. There is a mysterious brown trash can that is used for clearing brush in an urban area. And the other super weird thing about it is that everything that goes in the trashcan must be put into landscaping bags!! I started to wonder about this as I was trimming things in my garden, curious as to what to do with it. My gut instinct was to throw it in the woods behind my neighbors house (sorry Tyler, Parker, Tommy, George and Emma!) Where I come from, we compost out in the woods!

6. I never had to think of this question until now...how in the world does the city get rid of everyone's Christmas trees?!

7. At any hour of the day, city workers can show up outside your home to check how various things are functioning. And I'm still getting used to the fact that they can come and cut down trees in your yard. I always wanted to watch how you get rid of a stump. Apparently the city wants new "prettier" trees to line the streets. When I was a kid, we used to pull out the water hose and water guns on civil workers who we thought were infringing on our land lol!!

8. City buses are quite a sight! And even cooler, there is a new hybrid bus!

9. I thoroughly like watching parents and children walking to school. I also enjoy watching the kids play on the playground at one of the elementary schools on my own walk to campus.

Loss of the Instinct

2010-01-07T18:48:00.002-05:00

Post-Urbana I'm finding that the call of the missionary is the call to loss one's instinct. Being removed from one's home context means losing the sense of "the gut feeling" that comes with being raised in a particular culture. There are two major implications of this.

The first is that the instinct is something we often take for granted and it must be used as a tool. The instinct about our home culture can give us vital information and help in a sticky situation. It helps us to read cultural interactions clearly. Sometimes it helps us to take smart risks, but keeps us from taking "dumb" risks.

In the loss of the instinct when one leaves one's home culture for a different one, one must become fully reliant on God and the new surroundings to develop a sense of risk and way of life. In many ways, the Christian life is not just about smart risks, but "dumb," senseless risks like pouring an expensive jar of alabastar on someone.

The mere thought of this potential loss makes me realize just how much I rely on my gut instead of God. I'm not going to argue that this is essentially wrong, but that moving out of one's culture and comfort zone costs us this comfort but will force us to strengthen our listening ears and trust muscles toward God.

The Matching Jar

2010-01-05T22:52:00.002-05:00

Money is a huge issue for me. I struggle, wrestle really, with how to spend my money well. It wasn't so much a problem when I had a stable job, no debt and more than enough money to both pay the bills and give away. I no longer budget because I never have enough money to budget period. It is a pray, wait and see sort of thing. To make matters worse is that I struggle over issues of tithing and giving money away when I'm technically not bringing in any money.

After my the ideas from the Advent article and an email from a friend with a similar idea, I have decided to make a matching jar. In the eyes of many folks, I live on a fairly minimal budget. I am a penny pincher. But the issue of money is still eating me up inside. I have discovered that the idea of the matching jar not only helps me to commit to giving money away, but it also helps me to see just how much I'm still able to rationalize for myself even when I have such a small amount of money to live on.

The idea is this, when I buy something for myself, go out to eat, buy a gift on a friend, spend money because I didn't plan well (ie. pay to park at school vs. walk or take the bus) then I match the dollar amount to give away. Rather than become a huge black hole of guilt, I feel much freer to confess my idolatries toward stuff. Already I am blown away at how much money I spend frivolously.

All in the Family: Divine Right of Kings

2010-01-02T21:09:00.002-05:00

I'm currently reading Nicholas and Alexandra by Robert Massie, a biography of the the last Romanov monarchs. I have always had a deep fascination for all things royal, but this book is striking a different chord in me. The idea of "royal family" is blowing my mind.

The beginning stages of the book gives a humanized picture of the Tsar and Tsarina. Nicholas is nice, polite, somewhat humble, well-educated, God-fearing and loyal to preserving a more folksy Russian culture than a modern, European way of life. His wife Alix is devout, devoted to her family, and sacrifices much of her own culture to marry someone she truly loves.

Perhaps it is our American patriotic and egalitarian values that causes us to look down on those who inhereited the lineage and birthright of kingship, but such a humanized account as Massie presents helps me to see how prejudiced such a worldview can be. When I look at Nicholas and Alexandra, I'm heartbroken over their plight. They did not deserve to be brutally murdered. They were good people who raised a beautiful family. They were subject to prejudice all around, Alix in particular, as the Russian people never liked that she was German. The irony in that is that the royal families across the globe were actually all family at the time. They constantly married into one another's family. The movie Marie Antoinette by Sofia Coppola shows the sacrifice that royal women in particular had when it came time to marry another royal of a different culture. There is this beautiful and shocking scene at the beginning where Marie is stripped of her German garb all the way down to her little dog and is given all French wear and accessories. The cultural transformation is so immediate and even tragic, yet in the person of Alexandra, we see a woman who truly comes to love her new home and new people.

Another point that seems to me so ironic and such a lost opportunity is that the royal families all deeply feel called by God to rule their countries and feel burdened to rule well. Yet, war is still inevitable. How bizarre that WWI would plunge nations against one another when the royals who approved of war were often blood relatives or immediate relatives by marriage to a royal in another country. Marriage and blood did not prevent sovereigns from becoming enemies in war. How easily they could have said, "we are family, let's make peace." It seems that this model had such potential for peace, if only the kings would work together. It is so frustrating to see this missed opportunity. How do those who seem to be so God-fearing seem to miss such a gospel-inspired opportunity??

Taking the Revolutionary Road on Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T18:49:00.002-05:00

My new trend on Christmas Eve is to notoriously find something incredibly depressing to do--or at least in the opinion of my family. Last Christmas Eve I finished up reading and subsequently blogged on Lord of the Flies. This year, it's Revolutionary Road.

I'll admit, I didn't like the movie, but I appreciated it. "Boy, isn't that a movie to get you into the Christmas Spirit," my Dad said. I wanted to laugh, but as I sat back and thought deeper about the movie after watching the special features, it hit me that perhaps this is an appropriate film to get me into the right Christmas spirit.

The movie depicts a couple in the 1950s who find themselves struggling to get a hold of their lives. They had met and fell in love. Two kids later and hitting the 30-year mark, they realize that life in the Suburbs (which society told them would fulfill them) turns out to be a place where they are living, but in a state of desperation. They have a chance to turn things around, if only they are willing and strong enough to push against the current. If only they are willing ot appear crazy in the eyes of the rest of their friends, family and society. There are a lot of questions as to what derails their attempts to find ways to find truth and life, but there is a theme running throughout the film that highlights that maybe they don't have the courage it takes to appear crazy. Because they don't choose to follow what appears to be crazy, they become psychologically crazy. They become even more broken then they were before.

It makes me wonder about Christmas. We do all of this push and shove to make Christmas be this perfect suburban image. We pretend that we like our neighbors, that we are happy with our lives (and we even right it all down in a Christmas card each year or memorize it for those people we haven't seen in a year). In reality, we aren't close to living that life. Christmas is about the coming of complete hope when there was no hope. How can we feel the joy if we cannot access the reality of our own hopelessness? How can we appreciate what Christ has actually come to save us for?

Now I will admit, this year has been a place of growth for me as far as learning to recognize resurrection hope, that the way things are are not the way things have to be (thank you, Chris Rice for that line). But I think the place of the resurrection is to pursue a place of radical difference in a world of conformity. In reality I don't have the courage to be different. I don't have the courage of radical discipleship, as Luke describes it to drop my nets and follow Jesus, to sell all that I have and give it to the poor--so that it won't get in my way of following Jesus. But I think the ability for that courage is not inherently in ourselves, but in the hope that comes with the incarnation, the resurrection and the advent of the Kingdom of God. But before we get there, before we can experience that joy and hope, we have to recognize the absolute state of brokenness that is before us. Christmas must also include this truth so that the grace that we claim is not cheap grace, but life-saving and life-changing grace.

My Favorite Fair Trade Stores

2009-12-20T16:01:00.003-05:00

1. Ten Thousand Villages
Shop items from all around the world! Their jewelry and home items top my list. So far, I think most of the items I have purchased or recieved come from India.
http://www.tenthousandvillages.com/

2. Amani Ya Juu
Support this ministry in East Africa that provides jobs for women. I first learned about this place when the gift shop used to be located in downtown, smalltown L-town. I've had the blessing of getting to hang out with these women when they came to Charlotte for a fashion show. My cousin Anna got to visit our friends there in Kenya on her way to Rwanda!
http://www.amaniafrica.org/

3. One World Market
My favorite store in Durham. Even if you don't plan on buying anything, it is so fun to stroll through this wonderfully decorated shop, especially at Christmas time.
http://www.oneworldmarket.info/

4. Uganda Crafts 2000, Ltd.
An abundance of Ugandan crafts. Their baskets are fantastic! I learned about them through #1 and 3.
http://www.ugandacrafts2000ltd.org/

5. Sari Bari
Thanks to Phileena Heurtz of Word Made Flesh, I was introduced to this site which sells authentic Indian crafts from saris. The creations are made by women as a means of offering an alternative lifestyle to prostitution and as a respite from the chaos of poverty in the Indian barrio.
www.saribari.com

Advent: Hope, Mercy and the Rod of Jesse

2009-12-19T16:15:00.003-05:00

It takes me so long each year to get what advent is. It's a funny little word with big meaning. And then of course, it has to compete with Christmas. This year I found it hidden in the depths of Romans.

Paul has spent quite some time outlining the basics of the Gospel message and getting into nitty gritty issues between Jews and Gentiles. In an argument about how Jews and Gentiles should treat each other, and how those who are strong (in their understanding of Christian freedom, usually Gentiles) and the weak (usually Jews/legalists)--each group has reasons why they could take pride in being "better" than the other.

Both groups are told that being Christian is about not serving yourself (Romans 15:1-3). Not only is Christ given as the model, but OT Scriptures are cited. The source for hope lies in Scripture and in the gifts of God. In light of these truths, the two are told to accept one another (Rom 15:7). Gotta love that advice when you are having the battle of the betters. The reasoning continues.

In verses 8-9 Paul goes on to say:

8For I say that Christ has become a servant to the circumcision on behalf of the truth of God to confirm the promises given to the fathers, 9and for the Gentiles to glorify God for His mercy; as it is written,"THEREFORE I WILL GIVE PRAISE TO YOU AMONG THE GENTILES, AND I WILL SING TO YOUR NAME."

For the Jews, Christ is a servant, a fulfilmment of the promise. And for the Gentiles, Christ glorifies God through Gentile inclusion. Therefore Gentile existence is characterized as a symbol of mercy. This is what should encapsulate our being during the Christmas season, hope for the coming promises of God and celebration of the mercy we have been shown through the coming of Christ.

It is interesting that this passage is followed by passages that highlight the importance and role of the Gentiles. OT quotations that once referenced "the nations" now proudly show that inclusion is for the Gentiles. But when looking at these verses in context, it is clear that before the coming of Jesus, Gentiles did not have a favorable place within the world and the Jews were often quick to disobey God.

The hope of both nations are found in the rod of Jesse, a reference that is made clearly in Rom 15:12. The quotation comes from Isaiah after the prophet announces that God will use Assyria, the worst of the Gentiles to crush the Jews for disobedience:

1Then a shoot will spring from the stem of Jesse, And a branch from his roots will bear fruit.

2The Spirit of the LORD will rest on Him, The spirit of wisdom and understanding, The spirit of counsel and strength, The spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD.

3And He will delight in the fear of the LORD, And He will not judge by what His eyes see, Nor make a decision by what His ears hear;

4But with righteousness He will judge the poor, And decide with fairness for the afflicted of the earth; And He will strike the earth with the rod of His mouth, And with the breath of His lips He will slay the wicked.

5Also righteousness will be the belt about His loins, And faithfulness the belt about His waist.

6And the wolf will dwell with the lamb, And the leopard will lie down with the young goat, And the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; And a little boy will lead them.

7Also the cow and the bear will graze, Their young will lie down together, And the lion will eat straw like the ox.

8The nursing child will play by the hole of the cobra, And the weaned child will put his hand on the viper's den.

9They will not hurt or destroy in all My holy mountain, For the earth will be full of the knowledge of the LORD As the waters cover the sea.

10Then in that day The nations will resort to the root of Jesse, Who will stand as a signal for the peoples; And His resting place will be glorious.

The way of the recreation of all things is what is brought through the coming of the Messiah. Truly this is good news!

When I Need to Break into a Laugh...

2009-12-16T21:31:00.001-05:00

Chicken nuggets lady can do it every time!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZDIsCMLbPE

Ignore the racist comments added onto what is supposed to be just a vocal tape.

A Wonderful Article on Ways to Make Room for Advent

2009-12-03T12:10:00.003-05:00

I have worked on the issue of busyness that this Christianity Today article entailed, but the author offers some great suggestions on another area that I desperately need to improve on: materialism. Great practical advice all around!

The Obstacles of Advent: How our church combats the busyness and materialism of the season.
Skye Jethani posted 11/30/2009

Late last November my wife and I got all of our Christmas shopping done—in one day. This blitzkrieg approach has become a tradition for us. It's like pulling a tooth; better to have the whole thing out at once. In the evening we treated ourselves to a victory dinner at a restaurant. While savoring my accomplishment and my meal, I watched A Charlie Brown Christmas on the television above the bar. Ah, Christmas in America—spend all day battling the crowds at the mall and have Luke chapter 2 recited to you by a cartoon character at night.

Many have lamented the way our culture has "taken Christ out of Christmas," and in recent years we've heard conservative pundits freak out when retailers wish customers a "Happy Holiday" rather than "Merry Christmas." But even for those of us in the church, aware of the season's spiritual significance, and determined to celebrate the advent of the Messiah, this month still poses many challenges. Let's face it, focusing on God in our society is always difficult and the added stress of the holidays only makes things harder.

Four years ago we decided to shift the way our church engaged Advent. We came to see that December posed unique challenges for our people, and if these obstacles were left unchecked they would significantly interrupt our mission to be formed into the image of Christ. For this reason our church is taking some intentional steps to help people commune with God this Christmas in a counter-cultural way.

The first obstacle we identified was busyness. Ask anyone in my church, on any day, what keeps them from communing with God and chances are they'll say busyness. But during December it really gets out of control. Beyond ordinary obligations, schedules also fill up with numerous parties, school holiday programs, shopping excursions, vacations, and family gatherings with Cousin Eddie. During a season when we are supposed to slow down and commune deeply with Christ and family, we can hardly find time to breathe.

We decided the church should combat this tendency rather than contribute to it. So, instead of adding programs and activities during December, we've actually reduced them. For example, we've stayed away from large Christmas productions for children or adults. These events, while beautiful and worshipful, often take weeks of preparation that fill up the calendar with practices which separate families. We also suspend most adult and children's classes on Sunday so families can worship together, and we provide at-home Advent family devotionals and encourage heads of households to gather their clan weekly.

In addition, beginning in late October we start encouraging everyone to complete their Christmas shopping before December 1. This frees up time during Advent to connect with others, and hours that would otherwise be spent at the mall can now be used to serve someone in the name of Christ. It seems so simple, but I can't tell you how many people have been blessed by this suggestion.

The second obstacle we identified was materialism. You know consumption is a problem in society when the first day of the Christmas shopping season is known as "Black Friday." It is so called because it's the day most retailers discover if they will make a profit for the year (be in the black). Our entire economy hinges on whether or not people celebrate Christmas by purchasing Chia Pets and little dancing Santas. But all of the focus on "stuff" distracts us from focusing on Christ.

To address this obstacle, we encourage our community to reduce their shopping expenses and match whatever they spend by giving to a compassion or missions project. This year we're highlighting two projects in particular. The first is in partnership with our missionaries in Cambodia working with AIDS patients. The other is an urban ministry in Chicago we've been connected with for years. There are other projects available, and a number involve more than giving money. Many small groups, for example, take time to engage a local service project together and children are encouraged to participate as well.

To be honest, not everyone has appreciated this approach. Some come to our church with expectations of an elaborate Christmas pageant, and others don't want to be challenged every week to shop earlier and spend less. But our desire is simple: to release time for communion with God and service to others, and to refocus our attention away from the kitsch and onto Christ.
Skye Jethani is managing editor of Leadership Journal and the author of The Divine Commodity (Zondervan). This article was first published online in Leadership's blog http://www.outofur.com/ in December 2007.

The Fun Toy in the Bottom of Duke's Perkins Library...

2009-12-01T20:19:00.003-05:00

Revealing...the Spacemaker!! The Mobile Electronic Bookshelf!! At the push of a button, the stacking shelves move on a track to reveal the shelf you want to see!!! After my new $0.50 book purchases from the Thrift store, I might need one of these :)

Still can't believe it, take a closer look:

http://www.abax.com.au/pdfs/05%20Elec%20Op%20AFL%20Mobile%20P1.pdf

Jen's Treasures

2009-12-01T19:46:00.011-05:00

So my new obsession has been dropping by Durham Rescue Mission's "Rescued Treasures" Thrift Shop. They have a-mazing hours, an up-beat and loving staff and they house AWESOME finds! I have found everything from Gap kids clothing for my the children of friends, kids books and amazing book titles for us older folk. Here is one look at my latest additions:

Born Confused by Tanuja Desai Hidier

Brick Lane by Monica Alli

How Starbucks Saved My Life by Michael Gates Gill

The Mission Song by John Le Carre'

She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb

The Red Tent by Anita Diamant

Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer

And yes, all of the books are in PERFECT condition!

James Baldwin on Race

2009-11-24T23:15:00.002-05:00

In a letter to his 14 year old nephew:

"The details and symbols of your life have been deliberately constructed to make you believe what white people say about you. Please try to remember that what they believe, as well as what they do, and cause you to endure, does not testify to your inferiority but to their inhumanity and fear...

There is no reason for you to try to become like white people and there is no basis whatever for their imperitent assumption that they must accept you. The really terrible thing, old buddy, is that you must accept them. And I mean that very seriously. For these innocent people have no other hope. They are, in effect, still trapped in a history which they do not understand; and until they understand it, they cannot be released from it. They have had to believe for many years, and for innumerable reasons, that black men are inferior to white men. Many of them, indeed, know better, but, as you will discover, people find it very difficult to act on what they know. To act is to be committed, and to be committed is to be in danger. In this case, the danger, in the minds of most white Americans, is the loss of their identity.

Try to imagine how you would feel if you woke up one morning to find the sunshining and all the stars aflame. You would be frightened because it is out of the order of nature. Any upheaval in the universe is terrifying because it so profoundly attacks one's sense of one's own reality. Well, the black man has functioned in the white man's world as a fixed star, as an immovable pillar; and as he moves out of his place, heaven and earth are shaken to their foundations...

But these men are your brothers--your lost, younger brothers. And if the word integration means anything, that is what it means: that we, with love, shall force our brothers to see themselves as they are, to cease fleeing from reality and begin to change it...We cannot be free until they are free."

14 Cows For America

2009-11-24T22:54:00.004-05:00

Every year I pick out a book to send to a family with small children. Since distance separates us, I pick a book that centers around a big event in my life that year since I'm not always sure what the kids are into.

Once I realized that Africa was my topic, I found this amazing book with an even more amazing story called 14 Cows for America. It is the story about the binding together or America and the Kenyan Maasai warrior tribe. When a man from a Kenyan village studied abroad in America, he witnessed our nation's most devastating hour: September 11th, 2001.

A few months later when the man returned home to Kenya, he gathered the village around for story telling. When he shared what happened on that fateful day in September, he went to the village elders to ask to give his long sought after cow to the Americans as an act of solidarity and compassion. At the end of the meeting, 14 cows, the Maasai's most prized possessions, were donated to this cause.

At first I thought the story of September 11th was too sorrowful to share with children, but as I desperately tried to find something new, I found that this story was a perfect story about Africa. It is not about African poverty. It is not about African violence. It is about Africa giving and consoling. This is a story that needs to be told in light of the stories that usually make it through the American media about Africa.

For Your Entertainment

2009-11-23T18:48:00.002-05:00

Today I heard a lot of buzz about Adam Lambert's performance of "For Your Entertainment" at the American Music Awards. So I youtubed it and I think I began to understand what all the fuss was about. It was overtly sexual, simulated all kinds of sexual acts and included Lambert forcing his backup keyboardist into a lip lock.

Most folks would say, "Yes, you are a Seminarian woman from an evangelical stream and a former teacher, of course you would disapprove of the performance." I want to push against that. Yes, I was shocked by the performance and think that it has no business being on television, but not exactly from the same angles as most people would think.

If I totally separate myself from my Christian identity, I would have to say that it fit nicely into an erotica artform. I wouldn't call it beautiful, but I can agree that it was quite artistic for that genre. Without having to separate myself from my Christian identity, I can easily admit that Lambert is correct in his complaint that he is getting a lot of huffing and puffing from folks about his performance on account of being male and expressing his sexually. He argues that female performers have gotten away with this for years and that there is a double standard. It would be idiodic not to see the truth of Lambert's claim.

So as a Christian I must argue this case. Lambert is right. There is a double standard and female performers have been allowed to express themselves through their gender and sexual identity that men do not. It raises a question of why it is acceptable for women and not for men. How much of this has to do with the role of women usually being oppressed through roles of prostitute, stripper and porn star? Rarely are men found in this role. Notice the latest indications from Playgirl that most of their consumers are not women, but gay men. It seems to me that women are able to express themselves sexually not just as a freedom of speech, but because there are still deep ties to their subjugation. Even the prominent display of lesbian relationships on television make for good ratings not so much because times are changing, but because men still find even lesbian relationships (so long as both women look and act feminine) as an attractive and desirable image.

Rather than take this to the discussion of rights, free speech and discrimination as Lambert has done, I find that his keen insights force us to ask where the line should be drawn. For me, that line does not need to be expanded, but rather needs to be pulled back. It is not right for men or women, heterosexuals or homosexuals, black or white, etc. to engage in such provacative and sexually-driven performances. I'm not going to go about saying that the sexuality that we have been exposed to is necessarily bad, but it is meant to be enjoyed in the private and not the public sphere. I speak of all of the photographs I've seen from the AMA's, I don't want to see Carrie Underwood, Adam Lambert, Jennifer Lopez OR Lady Gaga in their bedroom linginere simulating bedroom business, but I want to hear them sing.

My other complaint about why this is not ok... 1) If I had a kid who wanted to stay up late (just this one time) to see Adam Lambert as a former American Idol have his first performance outside of that show (and did not have a Tivo) I think I would allow that. 2) This show took the place of a popular family broadcast, Extreme Makeover Home Edition--if my family had our usual gathering time and the kids wanting to get their tv time in as a usual family activity on a Sunday night, I would want to allow that. Overall, I'm pretty horrified that this was what was available on television on that night.

Living and Learning (Fall Semester 2009)

2009-11-19T14:06:00.008-05:00

I really enjoyed the compilation of reflections from what I had learned in my classes last semester so I'm doing it again. So here it is, reflections from Fall semester (in no particular order):

1) "Every child is my child"--A quote from Angelina Atyam that sunk into me a little deeper from Teaching Communities week. It led me to realize that I became a mother when I became a Christian. This isn't just because of the birth of Nathaniel, my best friend's baby this summer, but because I have deeply come to realize that I may not have my own biological children, but I am a mother.

2) I need the Jews. I need them for a physical reminder of the real life Jesus who was Jewish. I need them to remember that I am a Gentile, grafted in by the grace of God.

3) Although my account of reconciliation is quite orthodox and has grown tremendously over the years, I need to have a theology that can include and deal with non-Christians. If reconciliation is part of who God is, it must also encompass the rest of God's creation. I'm not there yet.

4) We are free to be bound. This is stealing from Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove's book title, but I'm speaking of this in terms of Dr. Jennings class on Christian Identity and the Formation of the Racial World. Rather than pulling away from one another for various reasons to bring healing to problems of race, we need to be drawing closer together...becoming free to be bound to one another b/c Jesus is bound to us...even if it hurts. And yes, it will probably hurt.

5) It's ok for me to be a Southern white woman. If I try to get rid of my identity because of guilt then I let myself off the hook without dealing with real problems. Dr. King's dream was so that children of slaveholders and slaves would be able to live together. For this dream to be actualized I need to not throw away my identity and my history. By throwing away my ties to slavery, not only do I loose my heritage, but I cut off my ties to others, the continent of Africa in particular.

6) The resurrection is a sign of hope that the way things are, are not the way they have to be. This is technically a Chris Rice quotation, but I attribute fully coming to grasp with it by studying Luke and Christian Theology. Ok, forget that...all four classes are pretty pivitol for that understanding.

7) Christianity is a "remembering" religion. It is ok for us to forgive and not forget. It is ok for us to let go of the fear that others will forget our trauma and that forgiveness will make it disappear. It will never disappear. It marks our being and becomes part of our identity. But this identity is meant to be one which is redeemed and also marked by hope.

8) Forgiveness opens the way for bitterness to become compassion. Compassion for self, oppresors, and others who cause and experience hurt.

9) "God doesn't give us the friends we want, but the friends we need." --Chris Rice

My Christmas Break Reading Selections

2009-11-01T18:25:00.003-05:00

So it's crunch time. There is no time to read what I would like to read for me. So from my shelves of unread books, I'd like to conquer the following over Christmas Break:

1) The Giver by Lois Lowry
I just had a hunch that a Newberry winner with "give" in the title would go well for the season of giving. Aaaaaand it's short. I'll feel good about myself!

2) Nicholas and Alexandra by Robert K. Massie
Russia screams wintertime for me, so this should be a great book to cuddle up with and pretend that I have a fireplace. Although this is a tale of tragedy, it is also a story about love, family and opulence. It kind of goes with the Christmas theme--or at least the very Americanized version.

3) The Shack by William Paul Young
There has been a lot of buzz on this in the culture and in the seminaries, so I need to knock this one off my list.

4) I'd also like to cross off one of my IVP books on race. That would help me to take a book from each shelf. I'll be sure to let everyone know which one I pick.

American Identity: Covering Our African Roots

2009-10-29T23:08:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had the privilege of hosting a friend from Uganda. This was my friend’s first time in America and I wanted to be sensitive to her needs as a hostess. I found myself struggling with a number of questions of how to introduce her to my people, my land and our way of life.

Given that I only had time for a day trip to show my friend around, I was limited to showing her around Durham. The historian in me craved taking her to see historic sites/museums. As I thought about what was around Durham, I thought about Stagville Plantation, the Duke Homestead, the Bennett Place (the location of a Civil War surrender), and a collection of places such as the Hayti Heritage Center, Black Wall Street and NCCU to show off Durham’s connections to the Civil Rights Movement. I was struck by the impression that these places might have on my Ugandan friend, especially as she lives under the uninmaginable personal history and experience of living with the Lord’s Resistance Army in Uganda.

How could I take a woman who has been a slave to see the heritage of her people as slaves at Stagville? How could I take her to the Homestead where most of the workers involved the history of Jim Crow and the legacy of slavery and tenant farming? (We did eventually chose this option though it focused more on the experience of whites). How could I take her to a place that describes an internal war of brother against brother, villager against villager when she has experienced war within her own country in a similar fashion? How could I take her to a place that might glamorize war and may even include re-enactments that would bring horrific images and experiences of real time warfare for my friend? Why do we as Americans like going to visit war sites? Who else in the world does this? This seems so bizarre!! How could I explain to my friend the history of the Civil Rights Movement outside of the history of slavery?

When faced with this dilemma, I called my Mom for help. “Take her shopping! She hasn’t really seen America unless she’s been to a mall!” I thought maybe I should complete her experience with a cup of coffee from Starbucks. I found that many of the ideas that I came up with outside of the real history of America that discounted the reality of slavery and replaced it with some form of consumerism.

As we passed around neighborhoods and I tried to explain homelessness, gentrification and the inequality of neighborhoods I was able to see much more in how we assimilate to cover our history with Africa. My friend and I found much to connect with over our discussion of farming the land while at the Duke homestead. She made a number of observations about American life in that time that surprised her: We had deep ties to the land, we made much of our living from farming, our homes, family life and our education was built around the land. It made me think about “becoming American” meant throwing off our ties to the land. Unlike my Grandfather, I grew up without a plow, yet I remember the labors the happened at his home over farming. Our family still gathers and eats a shared meal over the foods that came out of that garden. Why does becoming modern mean moving away from this older lifestyle that was very American.

It hit me that we have covered our ties to slavery and ultimately our ties to Africa with consumerism. We don’t want to remember our past, so we try to remove ourselves from farming and plantation life: even if we are white!! No one wants to be tied to the farm anymore, somehow being connected to the farm has been translated as ignorance.

I found that I cannot not explain my life as an American apart from slavery. My family profited from a system that affirmed and rewarded their skin color. My families Southern food, even down to the way we cook our cornbread is the way that black houseworkers made it for us. I have no way out. I must acknowledge my less than noble ties to Africa and also recognize and say no to the consumerist notions of identity that ultimately strips me of my true and real identity.

My Jewish Need

2009-10-24T22:47:00.002-04:00

So I'm in the middle of working away at my exegesis on Luke. After reading about 50 pages of commentary I find myself asking some pretty uncomfortable questions.

If Luke is so focused on telling "a good order of things/events" as the prologue tells us in Ch. 1, then what do I do with an historical interpretation of Jesus? What do I mean by that? In light of the Gospel story that Jesus is telling parables and encountering peoples that speak of the coming of a radical Kingdom where the poor become blessed, the lame are healed, the rich and poweful are brought low etc., I'm pretty happy with small stories that speak toward a grander narrative.

But sometimes I need historical information. Did Jesus really hang out with a guy named Zacchaeus? Did Jesus really heal the ten lepers in the way that Luke describes? There is such a focus in Luke about how intentional the author is to tell us something as Dr. Rowe paraphrases "for our catechesis/learning" and "for our faith to be grounded on something as sturdy as asphalt" that it makes me wonder what happened to the historical Jesus. Was all of this stuff in the Gospels (in this case Luke) just created and embellished at whim to make for a better overall story? Take the case of the dude who wrote that book that became an Oprah club book and it became a HUGE scandal and discredit to the man when it came out that he did the same to his memoir.

Yes, I can get some asphalt from reports about what others at the time said about Jesus' existence and the conversions of Jews to Christians. I can get some asphalt from the presence of my own faith. But what about from the text itself? I have intertextuality--not just with the other Gospels (especially the Synoptics) and the Christian New Testament, but i have the Old Testament. I also have the testimony of the Jews. Without the presence of the Jews and the foundation that was laid through God's self-revelation through a particular people in space and time I'm not sure how much asphalt I would have for the validity of Jesus, the validity of YHWH, and the validity of faith and practice.

Perhaps this is what Dr. Jennings has tried to drill into our heads while reading T.F. Torrance who seems to give this very same theological explanation (minus the wonderings and Lukan-ness). Thanks Jennings and Torrance. But I must say, thank you God for the testimony of the Jews!

The Canaanite Woman

2009-10-14T14:14:00.000-04:00

I do not like this parable. I don’t like the thought of Jesus giving someone in pain the cold shoulder. I do not like the idea of Jesus calling someone a dog. I do not like the way this meshes against other stories of Jesus including Gentiles into his ministry. But maybe that’s the point.

The story of this woman comes in Matthew 15, placed in the text after an account of the Pharisees and even the Disciples getting tripped up over external appearances. The first account shows the Pharisees and scribes trying to understand Jesus’ weird ways that appears to be in opposition to Jewish traditional practices. Why is Jesus breaking the law? Jesus is quick to point out that they themselves are lawbreakers simply by what has formed in their hearts. Evil is formed on the inside of someone.

At the outset of coming across the Canaanite woman, Jesus ignores her, following the standards of Jewish existence—ignoring Israel’s enemies, ignoring and putting a boundary between what is clean and not clean. It is interesting that this woman calls Jesus “Lord.” I’m not sure if this is a widely used term in Matthew or not, but it seems to show that this woman has already seen something kingly and/or Messianic even about Jesus. Her only hope is Jesus. As Dr. Jennings has so wonderfully explained about Gentile existence, this woman is putting herself in a vulnerable spot, going to an “enemy” and asking for help. She clearly believes that there is something to the Jewish people, their God and this Jesus.

She reminds me of Rahab, the prostitute who sheltered the spies sent into Canaan by Joshua. Rahab was an unlikely “convert.” She abandoned her Canaanite people, her gods, her king and forsake them out of fear of the Lord. This woman and her family was spared when Israel came to pursue the land that was promised. Perhaps this is what is going on with Matthew’s Canaanite woman. She puts herself in a vulnerable place, forsaking all others, hoping for the in breaking of the new Promised Land. Jesus seems to tell her that the covenant relationship is not for her, yet she argues that she is still desperate for Jesus. She does not revoke his title of Lord, but rather she still begs for him.

In light of both OT and NT examples of sparing/inclusion of Gentiles, it seems clear to me that Jesus is not saying that the Gospel is never for the Gentiles, but rather that the covenant has graciously been opened for them. I’m not sure what the fine differences are in these distinctions, but I still hold tightly to Gentile inclusion yet through the sheer grace of God. After a closer look, this passage begins to sit a little better with me. It reminds me of a deep fight I had with God where I was ready to give up because following Jesus was seeming to be too hard, too costly. I remember crying out to God, screaming and in tears, angry that God wouldn’t operate on my terms and save me from hardship. “If I leave you, where else will I go?” I thought to myself. How excited I was when I realized that I was not the first to have uttered such words. In John, when Jesus asks the disciples if they too would like to withdraw from discipleship, Peter says “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life (Jn 6:68).”

Where else does the woman have to go if she has already identified and believed that Jesus is the one, the only one who could help her? This woman is reminder to me of what it means to have the doors of grace and mercy opened for me. My salvation is NOT about me. It is about a story that is larger than me. It is about Jesus. Not only is it about Jesus, but it runs deeper through the history of Israel. It is a reminder that humility and faith can and should co-exist. This woman knows her place, yet confidently looks to Jesus to what He alone can offer. So often I go to the Lord out of the assumption of how good and deserving I am rather than out of acknowledgement of my own wretchedness and inability to provide for myself, yet deeply in need of the Lord.

The "Holiday" Season

2009-10-11T19:40:00.002-04:00

Ok, seriously...I don't like having to view Halloween stuff in September and Christmas stuff in October. It's just wrong. The conglomeration of very distinct holidays into "the holiday season" is so disgusting to me I can't even begin to really explain it. Not sure how we got to this point, but I know it has something to do with commercialism. Craziness!

"Crowd" Discipleship

2009-09-22T18:12:00.002-04:00

I am so blessed this semester to have Father Joseph from the Sudan in two of my classes! In Luke last week, he made an observation and a connection which I found mind-blowing. Very often in Luke's Gospel, there are references to "the crowd" that follows Jesus. Dr. Rowe has continually asked us the question, "whose voice can you trust in Luke's narrative?" The question becomes quite tricky when even the disciples often do not recognize Jesus' mission. It was at this point that Joseph mentioned that we perhaps we cannot and should not trust the crowds that follow Jesus. They may be following Jesus, but are they the ones who Jesus commends for understanding and seeking the way of the Kingdom? In his country, Fr. Joseph speaks of folks who claim allegiance to Jesus yet promote their tribal identity over others the next day. It is the crowd mentality of following Jesus that easily decieves us. They claim to follow, but the Word has not soaked deeply into their souls.

Augustine

2009-09-02T09:27:00.002-04:00

"For to taste the sweetness of the Lord was too great, a thing for you; it was too high and remote, and you were too low and cast down into the depths. It was to bridge this great gulf that the mediator was sent. You, as man, could not reach God; God was made man. You cannot reach God, but you can reach man; and now you can come to God through man. Thus there was made a 'mediator between God and man, the man Christ Jesus' [1 Tim 2:5]. If he were man alone, you would be following what you are, and so you would never arrive. If he were God alone, you would fail to comprehend what you are not, and so you would never arrive. God was made man, so that by following a man, which you can do, you may arrive at God, which you could not do."

--Saint Augustine, On Psalm 135:3

The Historical Lens

2009-08-31T12:09:00.000-04:00

I was both relieved and disheartened about the revelations about the historical lens that Dr. Jennings brought before us on Wednesday. First, on a more surface level, I was somewhat concerned about taking this class when I saw the reading material. We have lots of history books to read, lots of facts. Although I haven’t read the books from our list, my library shelves at home are stuffed with ones that could easily duplicate them. I have taken Colonial American History, African American History: 1865 to the present, World Slavery, Western Women and Imperialism, North Carolina History, and The South in Black and White. I love history, but please don’t give me another course that is a bunch of facts that do not force me to look at myself and my world differently.

According to Wednesday’s lecture, a simple black history or black church class can turn black people into a museum. I want to think that I know where Dr. Jennings is going, but I’m not totally sure, but I’ll take a stab at it. First of all, I must identify that I’m white and that it matters for me to say that I may not fully understand. But I wonder if this experience of the museum is like recent trips I’ve taken down to the Student Health Center.

On one occasion, I sat in the waiting room. I overheard two students talking about their hopes and goals as future medical professionals. “What are you interested in?” One student asked another. “Radiology,” the student answered as they began to share all of the things they found fascinating about the topic. Perhaps it was a day that I was particularly frustrated by having my day interrupted by my medical needs, but I felt a wave of anger flow over me and I deeply desired to start a confrontation with the students.

You see, radiology for me, is personal. Radiology for me means setting time aside for sitting in the MRI with a reminder that I’m getting closer to my grave each day—a reminder that comes from my body that is failing all too soon and from being in a machine the size of a coffin. Radiology for me means swallowing nuclear medicines that require you to tell children and pregnant women not get near you for a specified amount of time. Radiology for me means sitting on a table stripped of my dignity with a foot-long needle injecting dye into my hip joint using only local anesthetic. I wanted to yell and scream at the students, “Before you dare talk about how cool radiology is, you better get on the table and feel the pain first.”

I appreciate that a Doctor wants to get an overview of a patient’s general medical history, but there are days I want to just be accepted for what I arrived there for—on this day, an analysis of a mole. Before I could even begin with my most current dilemma, we spent what felt like an agonizing 30 minutes going over the same medical history that most days I’d like to just forget. And with revelation of a past ailment to the Doctor, she replied, “Oh how fascinating, tell me more about that.” The interrogation and her excitement over my pains and struggles made me a feel like a freak show.

Perhaps that is what it means to make someone a museum. Dr. Jennings said that “historians are often not sensitive to the ideological purpose of telling stories.” I whole-heartedly agree. When it came time for writing my thesis in History, I remember the pressure that was put onto me to keep myself from getting too involved with the story in which I was telling so that my views would not taint it. They would say, “we want just a story of raw facts, but don’t forget to make a persuasive argument.”

The focus on cold hard facts tends to leave folks without a conscience. I’ll never forget my World Slavery class. It was one of the most amazing classes I’ve ever taken, taught by a dynamic professor who genuinely cared about his subject matter. We had deeply explored the ruthlessness of the slave trade and finished up the semester with examples of both contemporary slavery and examples of the legacy of racism and the American slave system. About a year later, I joined with a group of students frustrated by racism that was occuring on our college campus. I saw a kid who had been in my class. I hurried to him to give him a pamphlet, assuming that his superior participation in our class would make him sympathetic to our cause. Within seconds of speaking with him, I saw this intelligent man drop the pamphlet onto the ground and walk off. He didn’t care about the real people on the ground that historical problems affected; rather he wanted the facts for a good grade.

This is a general problem I’m even finding in myself as I hear about things that I have heard time and time again. There are times when the facts stay facts and they do not penetrate my heart and my soul. It is like folks from war-torn Northern Uganda who shared their stories of abuse by the Lord’s Resistance Army. They shared how tired they were of telling their stories only to have folks walk away unchanged. Rather than change in the lives of the Africans who had suffered the abuse, they only saw foreigners turn into NGOs or journalists who told the people’s story for profit.

Lord, help me to not only hear your Word, but to feel your Word. Lord help me to not only feel, but help me to become a doer of the Word.

Universalism vs. Exclusivism

2009-08-29T16:43:00.001-04:00

At the outset, Daniel Boyarin’s article, “Answering the Mail: Toward a Radical Jewishness” had me quite enraged and perplexed in his assertion that Paul’s “universalism” and rabbinic Judaism’s exclusiveness represent two poles of racism. My initial reaction is created from a series of questions. How can Boyarin claim that the New and Old Testaments are vehicles of racism? How can the Apostle Paul who argues his status as a first rate Jew and who agonizes over salvation of his people in his letters possibly be labeled as a universalist? How can Jews be labeled as exclusive when it was God who did the choosing?

After my raw feelings settled, I brought the discussion into today’s racial world. After spending four years as a liason for the Black Student Association on my white-washed college campus, I found that you cannot minister to a person until you enter into all aspects of their identity. God has created us as racial people and God did not make a mistake in the uniqueness of our creation. Not only is our race part of our personal identity, but it reflects God images—images of our Creator that reflect back to God. Part of affirming others means affirming the God who purposefully created.

My previous background as a History major and as an Educator has greatly impacted the way that I see ministry. There is a saying in the Education field that “a child doesn’t care how much you know, but wants to know how much you care.” Simultaneously, my History background tells me that you can not care about someone until you know where they come from and to know their history and their social location. In hopes to put this wisdom to work, I intentionally designed my curriculum to be accessible to my non-white students.

A local Christian boarding school advertised as serving “underprivileged, inner city children,” had asked me to spend my first few weeks teaching World War II to my high school students. After a month of teaching what would easily be called “white man’s history,” I set aside a few weeks to get inside glances into the unique experiences of people of color in the U.S. and abroad. I knew I was in trouble by the middle of the day when the school’s Director asked me out for lunch to discuss some things. At lunch I was told that my insistence of teaching racial history was detrimental to the Church and the stability of raising the children because “it was divisive.” She quoted the lines that Boyarin highlighted as typifying Paul’s universalism, “that there is neither Jew nor Gentile, male or female…” Her logic denied the status that the children had within our society and that had even been given to them by God—their ethnicity. Her solution was simply to turn them into Christians and throw in some eschatological hope and more than anything, “Christian discipline.”

The issue of exclusivism is also relevant. In college I realized that my encounters in worship had been exclusive as I had only worshipped in a white setting. This exclusivism I felt separated me from the body of Christ that was multinational, multiethnic and multilingual. After spending a year in a Missionary Baptist Church as the only white face aside from politicians on the voter circuit or children who had come along with their nanny, I learned the ambiguity of cross-cultural worship. I learned so much about God from my black brothers and sisters that I would not have had access to in my typically white places of worship. Yet I longed for fellowship with someone who looked like me, someone who knew what it was like to be a white person worshipping in a black church. While in Uganda I had the chance to learn African worship songs. Although I loved these songs which reminded me that the Kingdom of God houses many tongues and nations, I preferred worshipping in my own native tongue and style. Realizing this gave new power to the story of Pentecost where all believers could hear from and communicate with God in their native tongues—perhaps this power was what I was feeling in worshipping according to my own kind and type.

I see the potential problem that Boyarin has identified. However as a Christian who believes in the authority of Scripture, I cannot throw out the Scriptures that can and have been used to create a universalist mentality. Sociologically, I see the importance of creating and experiencing culture with those who look like you. Yet I cannot reject the call to step out of my comfort zone for the sake of the Gospel.

Urbanization = Slumization

2009-08-24T19:33:00.002-04:00

I'm currently reading "Planet of Slums" by Mike Davis for class. I must say that when I heard lectures about the coming urbanization of the world in the near future, I was somewhat excited because I LOVE city life.

But what I am learning from this book is that urbanization will not turn the planet into a world-wide connected NYC, but rather the world will look more like a shantytown. After spending time in Africa, I have seen first hand the conditions of what this impoverished, slum-like world will one day look like, and it is not beautiful. Africa is beautiful, but slums are not.

As I think about my struggle to decide between going and abroad and being an urban missionary, I'm finding that I may not necessarily have to decide between the two. In the new world in which we are entering, it will be necessary to both cross-cultural and prepared to interact with the poor.

Yet the change from the life of agriculture and industry reinvigorates and supports the notions of universal education. Getting by in the world will be competitive and the children of the two-thirds deserve to be educated when other viable and healthful options are unavailable to them.

Limits on Trust and Judgement

2009-08-16T12:48:00.002-04:00

We all have those people in our lives who say things that are not true about us. Some do so amongst sincere concern, but through a theological, sociological, or educational lens that betrays us. Their lens may be toxic.

Once you are able to get your bearings and realize that the lens is toxic, the question emerges if you are to go on and discount everything the person says? Perhaps the word "everything" is somewhat strong. But when someone shows the potential to hurt you and/or bring in damaging thoughts, then at what point do you give their view some validity?

It has been helpful to me over the years to remember the Scripture from the Beatitudes that commands Christians to "not give your pearls to swines." The command comes in the context of judgement, so I've found it helpful not to allow perceiving swine to judge me. But like I say, the question remains as to whether framing them as swine should always stand?

Uganda Blog

2009-08-14T14:57:00.001-04:00

I have created a blog that parallel's much of my trip to Uganda. Some of the post I may re-post here, but I want to post the link so that those who want to follow some of what happed while we were away may do so.

http://ugandapilgrimage2009.blogspot.com/

On Forgiveness

2009-08-14T14:42:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I found myself in an uproar. I was nervous and guilty about underperforming for a job. I was overwhelmed by financial difficulty. I felt burdened and unfit to apply for work-study positions doing menial tasks during precious study hours when I could barely even find enough time to study without that added burden last year. And then, every word of discouragement I had ever heard in the past about not being good enough came bounding back towards me.

After finding my way out of the train wreck yesterday through praying for truth and through being honest with myself and others, I have found that my experience brought up serious issues about forgiveness.

It sounds surprising that my issue over forgiveness wasn't primarily ordered toward myself, but toward those who have hurt me in the past by wounding me with the "you're not good enough" lectures and comments.

When lies come to me, when old wounds that I have forgiven return unexpectedly, I picture that I should say something like a writer once commented that she imagined Adam saying in the garden. When the serpent came up to tell him lies, he should have said--umm, why are you trying to tell me different things about God? Didn't he give me authority to name you yesterday? I feel in a similar place where I should say, "umm lie, didn't I already confess you yesterday, a few weeks/months/years ago?"

Yesterday when I felt inadequate, I found myself rehashing the words of a teacher who said I was lazy when he didn't know my full story. We reconciled and I forgave him. I replayed an older adult correcting my English. I had forgiven that person too. But they all came back.

It makes me wonder sometimes if forgiveness is similar to the soteriological model of God forgiving us. There is a justification-like immediate forgiveness based on who Christ is. But then there is a second tier like sanctificaiton where there is a process to fully reflecting the initial stage. If I have to constantly remind myself of my standing before God when I self-condemn myself or overcongratulate myself, then won't I also need to remind myself of who I have forgiven?

According to this analysis I understand a little deeper that forgiveness may look just as messy as salvation. Just as messy as the Bible's full story about debunking lies of Satan. I'm hoping that next time I hear these voices of condemnation again that it will take me a shorter amount of time to come to the truth by realizing that many of these voices simply need to flee because I've already forgiven them.

Musings on Power

2009-07-21T00:27:00.002-04:00

Food for thought from Culture Making:

In the paradox of Jesus Christ--Yeshua from Nazareth, anointed One of history--the paradox of God's cultural agenda is summed up most perfectly and completely. God is for the poor--the oppressed, the widow and the orphan--and he is for humanity in our collective poverty, our ultimate powerlessness in the face of sin and death. But he makes known his redemptive purposes for us through both the powerless and the powerful, using both to accomplish his purposes. When God acts in culture, he uses both the powerful and the powerless alongside one another rather than using one against the other. To mobilize the powerless against the powerful would be revolution; to mobilize the powerful against the powerless would simply confirm "the way of the world." But to bring them into partnership is the true sign of God's paradoxical and graceful intervention into the human story.

I believe this pattern--God working with the poor and the rich, the powerless and the powerful--serves as a kind of template for seeking out what God might be doing in our human cultures. When elites use their privilege to create cultural goods that primarily serve other elites, that is nothing but the way of hte world, the standard operating procedure of culture. Furthermore, even when the culturally powerful deign to share their blessings with the powerless, but in ways that leave the powerless dependent and needy, this too is simply another marginally kinder version of the way of the world. Likewise, when the powerless cultivate and create culture that simply reinforces their oppression without bringing any real change in the horizons of possibility and impossibility, or when those is desperate circumstances rise up against the powerful, simply creating new structures of power in their place, we rightly recognize what is happening as business as usual. (pg. 209)

I first came to recognize many of these truths while reading Shelby Steele's The Content of Our Character: A New Vision of Race in America (1990). Steele argues that much of the problem in race relations centers around the idea of power.

Both races instinctively understand that to lose innocence is to lose power (in relation to each other). To be innocent someone must be guilty, a natural law that leads the races to forge their innocence on each other's backs. The inferiority of the black always makes the white man superior; the evil might of whites makes blacks good. This pattern means that both races have a hidden investment in racisim and racial disharmony despite their good intentions to the contrary. Power defines their relations, and power requires innocence, which, in turn, requires racism and racial division. (pg. 6)

To follow Jesus faithfully, powerful and powerless, black and white, innocent and guilty all must converge as they do on the cross. We are guilty, He is innocent. We are God's "innocent" children, beguiled by sin and Satan. Jesus is powerful, we are powerless. During the passion, it appeared that the people were powerful and Jesus powerless. But as the Messianic kingdom call goes: the lion will lay down with the lamb, children will play over an asp's habitat.

After reading Sam Wells' Power and Passion, it is clear that the cross and resurrection were all about power. If this is so, why aren't we spending more time identifying our roles of power?

The Man in the Mirror

2009-07-20T23:20:00.004-04:00

I know, another MJ post. I'm just as annoyed with my fascination as you probably are. But as I've been revealing in my posts over the last few weeks is that there just might be a deeper reason as to why I'm so fascinated with Michael Jackson.

I youtubed "michael jackson" and "charity" and I watched this gutwrenching video of MJ spending time with little children, the sick, the elderly, and the poor. These were not just the sick of our nation of the sick of the poorest places on Earth for a good publicity photo, but these clips came from around the world. A kiss on the head to child whose burned and mutilated face was wrapped in cloth or a child with a bald chemo head. A nudging hand across the emaciated cheek of a starving child. Christmas gifts given to each child with a hug and a kiss. Michael making funny gestures to make a child laugh through their pain.

Tears began to roll down my cheek. For a few moments I didn't see the King of Pop, but the King of Kings. Surely those actions remind me of the Jesus I know, the Jesus who I want to know deeper and the Jesus I want to emulate.

As I prepare for two weeks in Uganda, I'm both haunted and encouraged by the love of these two men. Can I love like that? Can I put my own tender body into the path of the sick? Can I have the imagination and the hope to cheer up small children? Will I have the courage to touch and to kiss bodies that no longer seem to be capable of harboring human life?

This is what it looks like to follow Jesus. I'm thankful for these visual reminders of the possible so that I can drawer nearer to truthful and couragous faith.

Other noteworthy ways of seeing Jesus in MJ:
--"We Are the World" I don't think it really can be said enough, but MJ gave much of his money to charity
--Although the relationship between Jackson, Neverland and children has been tainted by scandal, I find myself in awe that the glamorous lifestyle that Jackson enjoyed was ALWAys shared with the less fortunate. I LOVE that underpriviledged kids got to experience the wonder of childhood and amusement because MJ opened his home to them.
--It may have led to his downfall, but MJ was an advocate for the sick. He was often known for footing the bill for folks who couldn't afford their expensive medical needs.
--Most common place that paparazzi would find MJ in his final years: taking his kids to the zoo or Barnes and Noble. Gotta love the quality time between parent and child.
--I think most theologians would get a kick out of his lyrics: for the sin problem all of the worlds problems start with "the man in the mirror," in "heal the world" he asks for the nations to turn their swords into plowshares, in "earth song" we see him calling for the restoration of the world that God had put man in charge of--the song and video are definately charged with biblical imagery. There are so many other songs I could mention, but I'll leave it there to encourage you to find some of these things on your own.

Culture Worth Making and Preserving

2009-07-16T20:41:00.002-04:00

Much of my latest posts on culture have been under the influence of a book called Culture Making: Rediscovering Our Creative Calling by Andy Crouch. The book has been quite a challenge for me.

Crouch outlines the idea that our mandate to create culture begins in Genesis and is a fundamental part of our identity as image bearers of the Creator God. A point that I have paid little attention to, until now, is the continuity of the role of cultural goods. In Revelation, there will be a new heaven and a new earth. The people of God will congregate and live in a city where God is present with us. Here is how it is described in Rev 21:22-27 and I'm highlighting a few things that I want to focus on:

I saw no temple in the city, for its temple is the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb. And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God is its light, and its lamp is the Lamb. The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it. Its gates will never be shut by day--and there will be no night there. People will bring into it the glory and the honor of the nations. But nothing unclean will enter it, nor anyone who practices abomination or falsehood, but only those who are written in the Lamb's book of life.

Crouch indicates that people and "the glory of kings and the nations" are both eternal. In the evangelical community, we are very keen on pointing folks to the eternality of people, but little thought has gone toward thinking out what the glorious goods that the nations will bring in. Crouch makes an interesting distinction between people and cultural goods. First, people come into heaven through faith and being named in the Lamb's book of life. Secondly, cultural goods will be purified as well and will also be present in the new heaven and new earth.

Given the focus on Michael Jackson in the last few weeks, I'll use him as a hypothetical example of questions that are raised for me due to Crouch's points.

So if MJ has real faith, he'll show up in heaven and be present in the Kingdom of heaven in a purified and heavenly body. But if MJ does not show up in heaven due to not having faith, then according to the presence of cultural goods, will we as Americans be moonwalking in heaven, given that the moonwalk is a quite rad, creative wonder that mimics our Creator? An even cooler thought to me (which Crouch also points out) is that if the "kings" of the Kingdom of heaven are "the least of these" then these amazing breakdancing moves (which Jackson self-admitted came from cultures of poverty and dancing he'd seen from urban children) then this amount of creativity can definately reflect the values of Our Creator. But what aspects of culture are "unclean"? Will be breakdancing like MJ minus the crotch grabbing? Or is our American culture unduly sensitive about a nature feature of the body that God gave us for procreation? What qualifies as national glory?

So many questions!! It radically messes with my head of what I think about culture. I have a love-hate affair with culture. There are things that excite me, things I don't get, things that I take for granted, etc. My eyes feel newly opened to experiencing culture that may be a part of our daily living in the kingdom. What gifts and cultural goods will we bring to honor our King at the Wedding of the Lamb? At times it is easier for me to think about this in terms of other cultures or attributes, but not physical goods, especially not American physical and cultural goods.

As confused as I feel about this, I feel that the cultural outpouring, grief and celebration we have seen honoring one of our own cultural (ugh, I can't think of another word other than icons) in the person of Michael Jackson Crouch's way of thinking about the eternality of cultural goods such as music, dance, etc., gives real meaning to what folks are feeling. "It's not so bad because he's in heaven." "But his music will live on forever." Normally I roll my eyes at such things, but perhaps I'm the one who is missing out on a piece of eternity and connection with collective admiration and cultural impact.

Messed-up-tid-ness

2009-07-08T19:39:00.002-04:00

"Dang, that's messed up." That's all I could think about after staying up all night reading Michael Jackson articles, watching ALL of his music videos and his Martin Bashir interview.

Before re-watching the interview, I found that my new attitude of trying not to judge and moralize Jackson greatly enhanced my appreciation and understanding of the man. I was particuarly struck not only by his genius, but by the oppressive forces that attempted to control him and created him into both an intelligent and idyllic personality a mix of psycho-social disorders. I came to find that the disorders to be a reflection of oppression that he did not seem to bring on himself.

I can't imagine the horror of growing up with Joe Jackson as a father. He physically abused and beat his children. He provoked enough fear in Michael that he would vomit at the mere sight of him. He did not allow his children to call him "daddy." He verbally assaulted a growing adolescent enough that he "wanted to die." He stole childhood from him and forced him to work. He exploited his son's talent and made him feel shame and guilt by making him the model for his older, less talented brothers (at least in that arena of talent). He thrust his internally wounded child into the spotlight--one which he was gifted for, but definately did not ask for. Imagine having your entire life open to the public beginning at age 10--especially if you are a shy and sensitive child?

Socially, Michael was surrounded by people who might turn on him at any point. It could be his father, record labels, the press, etc. That would drive a person to question most social relationships. The disease vitiligo further affected his understanding of his appearance and created many complex questions about his race--questions that are hard enough to deal with, but to find your identity change before your eyes and have others make accusations that you are uncomfortable with your identity could only be disastrous to one's self-concept. Ironically, for one who could dance insanely sexy, he was incredibly shy and innocent of sexuality off stage. This brings many questions, but I wonder about the impact that "sleeping" in the same room where his brothers had sex on tour would only exacerbate these issues for him.

No wonder Jackson sought to get away from the horror of his world through plastic surgery, Peter Pan syndrome and "love" crusades. Maybe there is an intelligence from his brokenness that reveals why he argues on the bizarre Bashir interview that "the family unit has been broken down and needs to be restored to love" and when questions are put to him about his skin color he says, "if you want to ask why I have vitiligo you better go and ask God." No wonder he had totally given up on trying to please the media anymore. His eccentricities are a result of him finally letting himself become unglued.

There is still much more I could scrutinize, but there must be more depth to this man than we would like to admit. Last night I was able to experience the beauty and pain of sitting in the confusion. The hurt and pain that Jackson experienced and the disturbing reality of his personality and behavior. The depth of that kind of messed-up-tid-ness is the kind of stuff that Christ said he came to die for--the sick who needed a physician. To Jesus he would not be Wacko Jacko, but the one that Jesus loved.

MJ and Cultural Redemption

2009-07-07T21:33:00.002-04:00

I must begin with an apology that I was quite critical of Michael Jackson in my post Iconography. Although I agree with the truth of what I said, I find that as I watched the memorial service today that in these days since his passing that my theology head has impaired my heart from embracing the power and god-given mandate of culture.

Martin Luther King's two children (MLK 3 and Bernice) so beautifully remarked that Michael obeyed and delivered on God's commandment to live and work hard and well. MLK 3 quoted one his father's sayings that it didn't matter which talents God gave you, but that you used them to the best of your ability. This I can certainly agree with that yes, Michael Jackson lived the life of an entertainer quite well. He sang, danced, peformed, and created with everything that was inside of him. He selflessly devoted himself to his fans. I think it would be hard to identify another entertainer who legitimately cared so much for his fans. This is part of accepting and growing into what it means to give all yourself. Not only did MJ do all of these things, but his charity and humanitarian works touched the world and opened up realms for folks to care and truly love others.

It is not up to me to judge Michael's standing with the Lord, but many claimed that he sought to follow Jesus and that his acts of charity were inspired by his understanding of God's Word. So I can not judge, but I can hope that that is true.

So although there are pieces of me that still doesn't get it, I say "thank you" in the midst of my confusion. I need to appreciate the grand scale of the cultural mandate rather than pharisizing humanity.

An Update on East Africa

2009-07-03T19:41:00.003-04:00

It's a sad day for me as I have been running errands to make my way to Uganda. I did some more research on the work of Invisible Children--one of the first agencies that put Uganda on my rader--and found that they have put out a relatively new documentary on rescuing and seeking justice for the children abducted by the Lord's Resistance Army. This video is violent, yet IC is very tasteful in their documentation. The video is only 36 minutes long and mixes pain and hope--the theme of my pilgrimage to Uganda. You should check it out.

http://therescue.invisiblechildren.com/en/#/watch/

After having watched this film for the first time last night, I am appalled and in mourning over the latest meeting of the African Union (AU) that has decided to not work with the ICC (International Something Court) that has put out indictments for the President of Sudan (for war crimes in Darfur). Joseph Kony, the LRA leader who is wreaking havoc in East Africa was the first to be indicted on such charges. Please pray for a solution for human rights activists to be able to work and for Africa to also feel that they are not being coerced by Western powers against their will but will step onto the side of justice.

Iconography: Michael Jackson

2009-06-28T20:28:00.002-04:00

The Death of the King of Pop has stunned the world. Yet it stuns me that we care so much (pardon me for my harshness).

"I just can't believe it!" "He was an icon!" "He changed the world!"

My initial response catches people off guard: "We're all gonna die." "Why are you so sucked into the celebrity?"

An article I read earlier this week compared Jackson's death to that of Princess Diana for my generation. So I'll try to get back into my old self and try to relate to the disturbing feelings that folks around the world are experiencing that come with this death.

I remember exactly where I was when Lady Di lost her life in that awful car wreck. I remember struggling with the feelings of disbelief. I remember holding a prayer vigil in my closet to a God I hardly knew. "Why can someone so good lose their life?" "Who will fill her shoes?" I thought to myself. I cried. I maintained a somber attitude. "What's wrong with the world?"

I think it brought up a number of things in me that folks are experiencing this week over Michael Jackson's death.

1) We are not invisible. Celebrity status tends to thrust folks into an all-access life-style that we assume promises you "the good life." It brings up all of these questions that really make us face our maker. If this person can die, then so can I. If there is no safety from death from this person--especially if they are branded a "good" person, then there is no get out of jail free card from death. In the theology world, it also leads us to questions of theodicy--how does a good God allow bad things to happen, especially to those we love and adore?

2) I think that part of the iconography that is associated with certain celebrities really has more to do with our own need for rest from a turbulent world. Michael's moonwalk can make even a handicapped person want to get up and scream in amazement. A good pop song makes a working class person's life a little bit easier. A cultural crossover can be respite and healing for our souls that things should be the way that we know that they ought to be: where we all get along. Part of our sense of familiarity, closeness and loss relates to our own memories of times when life was good to us.

These are what I would consider legitimate things to lament about the loss of someone such as Diana and Michael. Of course, I think much of it also has to do with the very real fact that we lament over the personal struggles that these folks faced and that they didn't have more time in life to experience the redemption that we longed for them to have. Our hearts seems to also be much more sensitive when children and other famous loved ones are involved--and are left without a goodbye.

These examples are some of the truths that come up with these deaths, but as a student of theology, I have to point out a few traps that are set before us.

1) We may see commendable acts in the lives of certain people, but that does not make them good. I particularly appreciated the response from the White House in that when pressured to make a statement on MJ's death, they gave condolences out to the family and fans and reminded us of the reality of the very real problems that Jackson faced in the latter part of his life. I'm not sure that I could show my own child footage of Michael Jackson grabbing his crotch every few minutes and calling him a "good" person or a role model. Perhaps I would show footage of a moonwalk or Jackson visiting orphanages or singing "We are the World." And certainly I hope to remind them of the role that he played in teaching us about life in "Black or White." But as Scripture tells us, there is not one of us who are good in and of ourselves.

2) Celebrating Jackson as an "icon" is dangerous. The truth is that he is an icon for folks. For some, he is their god as they spend more time thinking about him and their "love" for him to the exclusions of their own personal needs, knowledge of the true God, their children, their work, etc. Idolatry is a scary thing. I say this as a person who kissed ten life-size headshots of Leonardo DiCaprio on my way out the door each morning in the 7th grade. I watched my friend and I get sucked into the world of boy bands that misappropriated our understanding of men and our own desires. All of these things drew us away from other people, away from a world of suffering people and away from the God who truly wanted our love and adoration and the one who could return that affection.

All in all, these untruths lead us away from the true King. Who allows our bodies to sing and dance? Whose image are we made in to bring good into the world? Who has started and will continue the work of racial reconciliation? Who is worthy of our adoration? Who gives us redepmption? Who can give us hope and life beyond situational, physical and spirtual death? It is none other than God who sent us a King, who allows us to play a part in his celebrity.

The Morality Fog

2009-06-22T21:43:00.002-04:00

I'm appalled. My sense of justice is stifled. My response is paralysis and a mild nausea.

Currently, I'm reading a rather overwhelming combination of books on Africa, India, poverty and justice. I'm slowly learning from these books that God is intolerant of injustice yet can courageously pronounce condemnation and compassion on oppressors and victims. Given that the conflict in Iran is still looming and is gaining world-wide attention and support, I said a quick prayer as I had the courage to finally open one of the links of the news stories. "God, help me to see and stomach what you see."

My response alarms me. Just as simply as I wanted to disregard the news feeds and sweep it under a rug with an "it's just Iran," "it's just the always explosive Middle East," I found myself downplaying the death of the movement's martyr Neda Soltani. "It's just death." "Murder happens everywhere." And thoughts I'm too ashamed of that result fro too much invasive CSI-like shows that explain cause of death, etc. I wanted to faint due to the sight of blood and my own faint of heart.

In a discussion in The Good News About Injustice, Gary Haugen discusses Dietrich Bonhoeffer's point that evil and injustice are allowed to parade about when there is a lack of moral clarity that throws even "religious people" like me off their foundation. Haugen argues that injustice (defined as the abuse of power) is able to produce a morality fog by faking right, faking left and then plowing through the center toward a path of evil and destruction.

This makes sense to me in my own fog about what to do with Iran and my own reaction. My American culture is too violent--through the television, computer screen and violent literature and speech. Yet my American culture is not facing the atrocities of genocide, forced labor, inaccurate and fake elections, censorship with threat of death, etc. Fake right. Fake left. Result: I see real injustice, real violence and do not know how to respond. I stand there not knowing what to do--and do nothing. Even worse, feel nothing.

My picture of Iran is a place that is too turbulent--always preparing to explode. A headline that a threat is imminent and that the country just needs to settle down and play nice. My other picture of Iran is that it is a place that is stifled by fundamentalism. Religion is forced, women are exploited, intellectuals are presecuted--the place needs to see change. Fake right. Fake left. Result: I'm left not knowing what to pray for and there is chance that I may turn my back away from them.

Lord, clear the fog. Don't let me trivualize or tidy things up with nice truisms. Give me new eyes to see. Help me to pray. What does justice look like here? Help me to stay with you, to not pass out, to regain consciousness and to follow you in the dark places--the ones the in the world and the ones in my soul.

On Father's Day

2009-06-21T15:32:00.003-04:00

Happy Father's Day. Today I'm celebrating by taking my Dad out to the Durham Bulls game!! This has been a wish that I've had for quite some time and one that I think and hope that he has shared. I'm also thankful that Dad isn't the only Dad I have thanks to Abba Father. The Abba is a big realization this Father's Day. But in particular this day, I'm very proud to say that I have a "First Dad" who is an amazing role model for all of us to aspire to. I'm thankful of his courage for raising a family despite the absence of his own father and the much needed call that he has expressed for our country's men to step up and take up the beautiful challenge of REAL fatherhood. I'll let him explain in his own words as printed today in Parade magazine:

As the father of two young girls who have shown such poise, humor, and patience in the unconventional life into which they have been thrust, I mark this Father’s Day—our first in the White House—with a deep sense of gratitude. One of the greatest benefits of being President is that I now live right above the office. I see my girls off to school nearly every morning and have dinner with them nearly every night. It is a welcome change after so many years out on the campaign trail and commuting between Chicago and Capitol Hill.

But I observe this Father’s Day not just as a father grateful to be present in my daughters’ lives but also as a son who grew up without a father in my own life. My father left my family when I was 2 years old, and I knew him mainly from the letters he wrote and the stories my family told. And while I was lucky to have two wonderful grandparents who poured everything they had into helping my mother raise my sister and me, I still felt the weight of his absence throughout my childhood.

As an adult, working as a community organizer and later as a legislator, I would often walk through the streets of Chicago’s South Side and see boys marked by that same absence—boys without supervision or direction or anyone to help them as they struggled to grow into men. I identified with their frustration and disengagement—with their sense of having been let down.

In many ways, I came to understand the importance of fatherhood through its absence—both in my life and in the lives of others. I came to understand that the hole a man leaves when he abandons his responsibility to his children is one that no government can fill. We can do everything possible to provide good jobs and good schools and safe streets for our kids, but it will never be enough to fully make up the difference.

That is why we need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception; that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise one.

As fathers, we need to be involved in our children’s lives not just when it’s convenient or easy, and not just when they’re doing well—but when it’s difficult and thankless, and they’re struggling. That is when they need us most.

And it’s not enough to just be physically present. Too often, especially during tough economic times like these, we are emotionally absent: distracted, consumed by what’s happening in our own lives, worried about keeping our jobs and paying our bills, unsure if we’ll be able to give our kids the same opportunities we had.

Our children can tell. They know when we’re not fully there. And that disengagement sends a clear message—whether we mean it or not—about where among our priorities they fall.

So we need to step out of our own heads and tune in. We need to turn off the television and start talking with our kids, and listening to them, and understanding what’s going on in their lives.

We need to set limits and expectations. We need to replace that video game with a book and make sure that homework gets done. We need to say to our daughters, Don’t ever let images on TV tell you what you are worth, because I expect you to dream without limit and reach for your goals. We need to tell our sons, Those songs on the radio may glorify violence, but in our house, we find glory in achievement, self-respect, and hard work.

We need to realize that we are our children’s first and best teachers. When we are selfish or inconsiderate, when we mistreat our wives or girlfriends, when we cut corners or fail to control our tempers, our children learn from that—and it’s no surprise when we see those behaviors in our schools or on our streets.

But it also works the other way around. When we work hard, treat others with respect, spend within our means, and contribute to our communities, those are the lessons our children learn. And that is what so many fathers are doing every day—coaching soccer and Little League, going to those school assemblies and parent-teacher conferences, scrimping and saving and working that extra shift so their kids can go to college. They are fulfilling their most fundamental duty as fathers: to show their children, by example, the kind of people they want them to become.

It is rarely easy. There are plenty of days of struggle and heartache when, despite our best efforts, we fail to live up to our responsibilities. I know I have been an imperfect father. I know I have made mistakes. I have lost count of all the times, over the years, when the demands of work have taken me from the duties of fatherhood. There were many days out on the campaign trail when I felt like my family was a million miles away, and I knew I was missing moments of my daughters’ lives that I’d never get back. It is a loss I will never fully accept.

But on this Father’s Day, I think back to the day I drove Michelle and a newborn Malia home from the hospital nearly 11 years ago—crawling along, miles under the speed limit, feeling the weight of my daughter’s future resting in my hands. I think about the pledge I made to her that day: that I would give her what I never had—that if I could be anything in life, I would be a good father. I knew that day that my own life wouldn’t count for much unless she had every opportunity in hers. And I knew I had an obligation, as we all do, to help create those opportunities and leave a better world for her and all our children.

On this Father’s Day, I am recommitting myself to that work, to those duties that all parents share: to build a foundation for our children’s dreams, to give them the love and support they need to fulfill them, and to stick with them the whole way through, no matter what doubts we may feel or difficulties we may face. That is my prayer for all of us on this Father’s Day, and that is my hope for this nation in the months and years ahead.

The Tyranny and Hope of Normalcy

2009-06-18T11:40:00.002-04:00

My latest group therapy session was absolutely brutal. I had been asked by group members each week (over the last 6-8) to share more of myself, be less positive, etc. Meanwhile, I had been assuring them that my life was not perfect, that I would share about myself in pieces. They had been beginning me to come out of what they saw as a self-imposed shell. Over those weeks I had bared much of soul, worked hard at opening myself to others, connecting with others, asking and recieving hard questions--all of which were a tremendous amount of growth for me personally.

And then yesterday, it all came crashing down. I had an issue to pose to the group. They already knew that my biggest fear was that I would share and that they would run from me, scared of my brokenness and hide into their worlds of predictable normalcy. The conversation started out beautifully with an actively engaged audience, helpful feedback, appropriate and validating pauses of not-sure-what-to-do-ness, expressions of concern and empathy. And then all of a sudden someone blurts out that they still don't feel connected. I felt lied to, punk'd even. Some of their comments became extremely hurtful, fulfilling of my worst fears (which they were well aware of).

I deeply wanted to disengage, but then I told them how angry their comments made me. How rejected I felt after listening to what their needs were from me, going the extra mile to make those adjustments and then to be rejected after I made them. They desperately wanted to see the underside of my rock, but they really didn't want to see it at all--it was too much, too much of a burden.

I left feeling attacked, abandoned and alone. I'm still sorting through it. My insides feel a little torn out of me, but I celebrate that some finally realized that I live in a world that was different from theirs and that they cannot impose their worldviews and asumptions on me. Thankfully, I had gotten through to them. I said what I needed to say, but it came at great cost: hearing what I did not want to hear.

I found comfort today in reading Good News About Injustice: A Witness of Courage in a Hurting World by Gary Haugen, CEO of International Justice Mission and Director of the UN investigation into the Rwandan Genocide. In one particular chapter, he writes about the struggles that American suburbanites have with facing the world's brokenness that it much easier to run away from and I felt that his observations greatly meet the situation that I faced yesterday (and face to some extent on a daily basis).

"The Bible declares that the world is fallen, sinful (Subheading). Often I am ill-prepared for action in a dark world of injustice because I have gotten used to a little lie within my mind. I have gotten used to the idea that the fair garden I have worked so hard to carve out for myself and my family is normal. I have gradually adjusted to the idea that "the world" into which Christ has sent his disciples is actually a reasonably pleasant backyard patio. Certainlyit is no Garden of Eden--there are unruly shrubs, unpleasant neighbors, rainy days, tearful nights and even vandals. But in my garden the Fall is being managed. Gradually in my mind "the world" referred to in the Bible is defined more and more by the boundary hedges I share with my neighbors. Accordingly, I hone my Christian witness for the engagement in the domesticated garden. I come to see the full armor of God as battle dress for fighting weeds, backyard pests and trespassers (pg. 46)."

Our American suburbanite ideas about normalcy are a lie. They may be our reality, but in light of our world, they are rare pockets of bubbled existence. If we truly desire connection with our world, then we need to get rid of the lie. We need to get in touch with the universal normal. This does not mean that we do not fight against injustice, that we do not lament sin and brokenness, but that we learn to stand in it and if so called, to stand in the breach of the mess as prophets calling for God's justice and mercy. Hope lies here. Not in the bug zapper, not in the weed wacker, but the hope that the real Gardener is coming to redeem and create beauty once again in devastated gardens.

When Your "Saying" Gets Lost in Translation

2009-06-12T10:17:00.002-04:00

As impressed as I was with myself yesterday with saying what needs to be said, I realized that in my pursuit of freedom, I may have ensnared another. Similar to my last post on language, there is a demand that Western Culture and the presupposed superiority of Western culture that likes to dictate the medium of how things are communicated and said.

While interacting with someone of a different culture, I directly confronted her on my inability to connect to her based on the ways in which she tried to communicate with me. I attempted to empathize with her, saying that I only brought it up because I myself struggled with the same inability to connect with others. I felt very free in expressing myself and I felt that I brought up a pertinent struggle that others had with this amazing woman.

But when I got home, I cringed. What is so wrong with her way of communicating? Why can't we get on page with her rather than forcing her to make the distance to come and meet us? In my work and studies with ESL students, I have found that there is a real difference in how various cultures share our stories. For instance, students whose first language is Arabic tend to write long, graceful, abstract sentences, using the Koran as the model of writing well. When this paper makes its way across a Western trained person's desk, it is demolished for being unclear and indirect.

Although I find good truths in the Western styles of communication, I am wary that communication is going to be the new style of imperialism.

Say What You Need To Say

2009-06-11T16:27:00.002-04:00

I have a thing for John Mayer. I still think he's a player, but the man has a way with words (which probably helps him to be a player). So as I've swooned over his voice, I have found that for months I've missed the importance of the words--a very frequent Jen-ism. So here is the oh-so truthful lyrics that I have lately discovered:

Take out of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so-called problems
Better put them in quotations

Say what you need to say (8x)

Walkin' like a one man army
Fightin' with the shadows in your head
Livin' up the same old moment
Knowin' you'd be better off instead
If you could only

Say what you need to say (8x)

Have no fear for givin' in
Have no fear for givin' over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than to never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shakin'
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closin'
Do it with a heart wide open
A wide heart

Say what you need to say (20x)

This song annoyed me at first because of the regularity with which the chorus line was repeated. And the word "say" just seemed to be overdone, but then I realized that that was the point. I am one of those people who does not say anything. I don't raise my voice to protect myself, I don't share what I would like to say so that I or others are not hurt--but yet I always end up absorbing my own hurt from not saying what needs to be said. And as my counselor says, it is really just a lot of hard work. I love the way the song describes that inner experience--that you try to fight the world like a one-man army--which is impossible. Only David and Jesus have ever seemed to do that. I can't live like that. I need to give in and need people.

In therapy sessions I have had a lot of practice with learning to say what I need to say. And it has been quite the freeing and learning experience. But before I get there, it is just like Mayer says: you shake, you close your eyes, you speak up because if you don't you'll break your faith. But the end result of clearing the air, letting the cat out of the bag, the elephant out of the room. It is kind of like Jesus come to think of it. The freedom of the cross simultaneously pronounces our guilt and true reality while given us the relieve to see what happens next.

Psychobabble

2009-05-31T14:47:00.002-04:00

Lately I have come to see a trend in the Psych/Helps world. In the ever-so busy, too-much-on-the-schedule world that we live in, we are encouraged to draw boundaries so that the life will not be sucked out of us.

This has always been a foreign notion for me that we should guard ourselves from overcommitment. As I've learned to say "no" and to establish boundaries, I have found that I have been able to live more freely. But I think that I'm beginning to see that others may advocate taking boundaries much too far.

The latest example is in a small group where a new member shared that she felt isolated from the group and she began to tear up. The woman close to here mirrored her feelings as she expressed that she was sad that unbeknownst to the rest of us that one of our members felt this way. She shed a tear with the hurt woman and told her how she knew and hated the feeling of isoloation as well and she wanted to know what we as a group could to help. I turned to the group leaders to check in on how they were feeling. From experience I know that leaders can take too much guilt on themselves and would also need a helping hand. But oh that was not the case. On of the leader's announced that she "healthily" felt no ownership or sadness over the event.

I was terribly appalled! Yes, we should not beat ourselves up over hospitality, but we should at least be sensitive to others. I would argue that being so out of tune with others is a sign of unhealthiness. We can not go about living our own lives demanding "connection" with other people yet we refuse to empathize with them. We are not called to become Jesus, but we are called to carry one another's burdens. Scripture is clear on this point.

Another aspect that Scripture is clear about is that love of neighbor is supposed to stream from a connection with self. We are to love our neighbors as ourselves. The Scriptures that the New Testament verses come from are all in light of God's mercies toward us. Therefore our love of self and love of neighbor are meant to be channeled through God's love toward us.

As the Church, we must be diligent to notice when non-gospel wisdom begins to infiltrate our our world and even within our own theology.

The N-Word

2009-05-26T19:29:00.002-04:00

I'm posting a draft of a complaint letter that I wrote in response to a situation that occured last summer where Jesse Jackson used the "n-word" when he thought that his microphone was turned off during an interview.

If you need a refresher, here's the story:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ss5lYtVvZ9w

The story sparked a debate about who could use the n-word and I was responding to the media discussion. Remember that this is also pre-President Obama.

I am thrilled that the complex rules on who can and who can not say the n-word has come back to the attention of the people's consciousness. As an Undergraduate student, I specialized in African American and Southern History. Had you asked me then who could use the n-word, I would have said that it would be social outrage for whites to use the term, but a means for regaining power for blacks to use the word. We see this movement of reclaiming language of former oppression as a powerful part of identity such as "queer" among gays and lesbians--an instance where the word becomes socially acceptable, though predominately for the victimized group to use.

I accepted this view in college, but once I found myself teaching in both rural and urban middle and high schools, I found that few actually understood the historic power of reclaiming a word, but that folks used the word vainly without true comprehension of history. Use of the word created confusion for both kids and school staff about when and if someone should be punished for such language. For example, the white students were no longer using the word as an insult, but were simply quoting the rap lyrics that they enjoy just as much as their black, latino and Asian counterparts.

Thankfully other venues of experience saved me from seeing only the academic or cultural issues that stem from this controversy. My on-the-side learning comes from both my studies and my social activism around race and urban America. I found that my own identity as a Christian had more to do with the pressing issues of racial reconciliation that I could ever imagine. Given that Rev. Jackson's own perspective comes from the angle of Christianity and Civil Rights, I will also use this medium for my discussion.

The secular model of offering regret over the nation's sins is usually understood as remorse for former sins in the past rather than perpetual and present sin. This model utilizes the legislative process to prevent oppression based on a person's identity. Another manifestation of the model are attempts to ameliorate the effects that oppression can have on certain groups for generations such as affirmative action or in the case of Japanese Americans on the West Coast in the form of monetary reparations.

Realistically, sin is not so easily fixed by human authority and ingenuinity (not saying that some of these ideas aren't creative or earnestly repentant for the past). We're cheating those who experience injustice if we boil the problems down to something mere mortals could fix. How does a nation repent of something like overt and institutionalized racism, slavery and genocide?

The idea behind the secular modes of restoration or restorative justice as they call it involves giving power to those who had at one point or throughout history have been denied power. Balancing out the power struggle won't truly take away years of pent up anger, hurt and resentment. The idea behind the secular modes of restoration or restorative justice as they say involves giving power to those who had at one point or throughout history have been the rendered powerless.

The fulcrum of this tipping scale of power is the secular use to enact both justice and oppression. It will therefore always be in a state of imbalance where there is a constant back and forth and arguments about who holds power and who has a right to it. The Christian model of reconciliation shows us that we really need to remove the fulcrum. A state of equilibrium is what is needed for true balance. This fulcrum is what creates the "dividing walls of hostility" that the Bible says must fall away. These walls are representing in the book of Galatians as a state of sin. Once we repent of our sins, we are then reconciled to God. The penalty of sin that once separated us from God is now removed in repentance and in the work of Christ on the cross so that a relationship with God can truly begin. Out of this relationship comes a commitment tot he reconciling of all things in Christ Jesus as we are ambassadors and ministers of reconciliation.

Regarding the use of the n-word in light of this theology, it is clear that personal and social transformation is part of what it means to be a Christ follwer. As a white person who is barred from saying the word in this culture (and trust me I feel incredibly offended when whites use this word) to the unassuming like my students--the word becomes yet another power struggle. The word has once (and is at times still used) to advocate animosity against blacks. However, according to our secular methods of "sin-managment" the upper hand is given to those who can say the word.

Please do not confuse what I am trying to say. The restrictions of who can and cannot use the word is a question of power and does not resolve the animosity or hostility that continues to divide the races. However, it is not an act of discrimination on par with the historic realities endured by black Americans. Drawing lines of who can and who can't say a powerful word produces inequality rather than justice, equality and mercy.

------

Thoughts a year later...

I think one of the notions that I had in mind while writing this essay or sorts is that when people of color use the n-word, it reminds us whites of the sin of our people. It is not forgiveness, but rather it is a continual reminder that we are sinner's (a true statement), yet it is never allowed to be forgiven. Shame has no place in forgiveness and that is what I at least feel when people of color use the word. The issue of the "who cans" and "who can'ts" creates real problems for multiethnic churches such as mine where we confess our sins before one another, forgive and break bread together. The secular distinctions have a way of attempting to undo the work of the cross that allows shame and guilt to be healed.

A Bad Few Weeks for Christians in the Entertainment Industry

2009-05-19T23:49:00.002-04:00

Jon & Kate Gosselin, Mel Gibson and Carrie Prejean--all one in Christ and stirring the tabloids (and many non-Christians) with their hypocrisy.

Why are the masses calling for their crucifixion? Hypocrisy.

Jon & Kate are making front covers with allegations that their marriage is on the rocks. The couple who parent eight children on a television show on TLC, have Scripture around their house, in their lessons and in their tell-all books. They make regular appearances at mega-churches to speak on parenting. And they had a re-marriage ceremony to show their kids that Mommy and Daddy wanted to make a commitment in front of them to prove that real love is based on commitment. But rumor has it that Dad is having an affair with a 23-year old teacher and Mom is having an affair with her bodyguard who accompanies her on her book tours. Not only that, but they are staying in the marriage (with affairs allowed on the side) not for the kids, but for the money that the tv show brings in.

Meanwhile, Mel Gibson decided to divorce his wife of many years and stepped out quickly with a new girlfriend. The tabloids now claim that what encouraged his wife to file for divorce was that the new woman was three months pregnant with his child! Gasp! All this from they guy who gave us The Passion of the Christ. It was only a few years ago that Evangelicals were eating up all of the hype about the film and putting Gibson at iconic status.

And then there is the other friend of my blog, Carrie Prejean. She made controversial remarks at a beauty pageant and became the poster child for the Evangelical stance on marriage. Ironically, within a week or so of recieving a standing ovation at the Christian Dove Awards, photos of her as a 17-year old posing topless in see-through lacy pink underwear surfaced the web. She didn't deny the photos and say that they were not in the taste of "Christian values" but argued that such photos come with the modeling gig.

Now I'm not here to judge their character. I will also say that I will agree with those who would argue that these events in these proclaimed Christians lives are evidence of hypocrisy. I will not argue their salvation status (something I used to easily turn to when these issues got murky). But what I will say is this: hypocrisy is part of what it means to be a Christian. We fall short, grace covers us. Our actions and our lives will never be greater than the grace that we have been given. I would love to embolden those who say that they share my Christianity to hold tightly to the cross by first admitting wrong. Perhaps they aren't in a place right now where they can freely admit that they are in sin, but this does not change the status and quality of the love that God has for them. If anything, they are in a place to fall more deeply into the grace of God if only they will be bold enough to admit, let go and let themselves fall into Him. We owe others, God and ourselves the truth. We are sinners. We are hypocrites. We are unable to live as God would have us live. We need Jesus.

**This is not a post to condone sin, but to encourage us to live by grace

The Anatomy of Grey's

2009-05-17T21:26:00.002-04:00

I used to hate Grey's Anatomy. Seriously. Over-dramatic and unrealistic plot lines, in-your-face sexuality, obscure characters, and a cheapened portrayal of the medical world. I watched one episode and swore to never watch it again for reasons of morality and self-righteousness.

But then in the work world, I realized that Friday conversations were dominated by what happened on the show the night before. So for the sake of community, I began to watch the show that I dreaded years before. And perhaps it was due to my own coming to grips with the beauty of brokenness that I became not only a habitual watcher of Grey's, but I have to identify greatly with the characters.

As a character-driven drama, Grey's forces us to take a good look at humanity. Somehow admist the incredulousness (and ridiculousness) of the show, deep truths are revealed. Izzie's speech on how "belief makes things real," Meredith's affirmation of brokenness and woundedness, Derek's ability to love Meredith for who she is by saying "Meredith, I want your crappy babies." There are so many quotables from the show that reveal the depth of our deep brokenness and our need for healing. Ever noticed that so much of the show's soundtrack is actually made up of Christian artists who comment so beautifully on brokenness (Derek Webb, Mat Kearney, The Fray). This particular show is also one of the most culturally diverse which reminds me to not white-wash the Kingdom.

It has been such a joy to find God in the scenes of Grey's. I'm so thankful that the show has been redemptive for me. No longer does television mean morality and perfection, but this show brings me my humanity and helps to strip me of my self-righteousness. Like the little kid at the communion table today grabbing for his hunk of bread, we're all needy and broken and that is a central part of our identity--broken and needy before God.

The Bad News

2009-05-13T23:39:00.002-04:00

Speaking truth usually makes me feel free. But today the truth that sets me free could either put others on the track to freedom or could put them in a life-threatening, soul-threatening bind.

In a group of needy people, all of us in need of one another in our own brokenness and for our own growth, I said what for me brings life. "What if our lives shouldn't be lived according to rules?" Granted, I had been reading Romans approximately an hour before and was thinking in my head that we as Christians do not live by the law. Christ fulfilled the law so that we might be free. But what does that mean for those who may not know Christ?

They will be stuck with the bad news. We are law-breakers. No one wants to admit that and as a control freak I know that I can only admit that because the Bible tells me so. The cross proves that being a law-breaker is serious business.

For me, the bad news is bearable because I know that Christ has made gospel out of the terrible news. I am a lawbreaker. I am not perfect. I am broken. I am a sinner. How can one bear that burden of knowledge if they do not have a safe place to put their sin and sinful identity? Without being told the good news of Jesus one is left with the option of despair or throwing their hands up and saying well I can't stop sinning so I'll just do whatever I want.

Do you leave someone with the bad, but all too true news that we are sinners? Do we tell them that they can't live by rules--that it is unhealthy and that we weren't meant to live that way? Or do we leave them with the relatively blissful ignorance that they are in control and can have control?

Unfortunately, it seems that ultimately the "bad news" will get worse. As my professor says, one day Job will come. Our world of easy living and following simplistic rules will be challenged. Perhaps it is best to carve out a place for grace so that the bad news does not have to do all the plowing. Sometimes it is better to live with the truth, the horrible truth, before we can get to the hope of saving truth.

Trials

2009-05-07T14:26:00.002-04:00

As I was sharing my trials with a few friends at the Div School, joking about the craziness of life, another student whizzed past me saying "if you keep thinking that way, bad stuff will keep happening to you." I probably wasn't so nice in my response as I said something like "Jesus never promised us a nice life free of trials, but we're promised that He's enough." I meant every word I said, though it was a little argumentative and catty.

Yesterday I was watching a tear-jerking episode of Oprah about pre-teens and teens committing suicide because of the weight of bullying. (I know, it's Oprah, but this issue hits home for me as someone who has been bullied at times and as a former school teacher who loves children). They had an intervention session with a young boy who has at the crux of not being able to take the bullying anymore. At first I was very thankful that they offered this child some tools for dealing with the bullies. All of the other cases showed kids at first coming to adults asking for help and when that help wasn't enough then their depression led to suicide. They heard the cries of this kid who was desperately reaching out for help and they gave him tools...yay!

BUT, the Psychologist proceeded to tell him that he allowed the bullying and that he was making himself a victim. He needed to have a mind change to change his situation. I was flabbergasted! And so was the Sociologist on hand who has researched sexuality-based bullying for about 15 years.

This mind over matter stuff when it comes to trials is very dangerous. I think it is counterproductive to the Gospel of Christ. First, it almost screams gnosticism to me--where we focus on spiritual realities and ignore the physical. It also falls in line with the whole "The Secret" stuff which (hello!) is modern-day gnosticism if I've ever seen it!

Secondly, not only does it present a historic heresy that the Church has fought against, but many of these psychologies and theologies have their basis in the occult. The idea that if only I say these little words (like a spell) then all will be well. Look online for more on the background of these movements (the Secret, the power of positive thinking, and the health and wealth, name it and claim it theologies). I will reference my OT TA soon to be Dr. Eggleston who pointed out that the prophet Jeremiah had to fight against the false prophets who promised "a good word" vs. God's word.

As I've been dealing with my own trials, I've spent some time in James, 1 Peter and Psalms lately. Our trials are not caused by God, but allowed by God for our refinement. This is part of the reason why we rejoice in our trials--because God is drawing us close and pruning us. If we aren't voicing our trials before God then David and Jesus were both bumbling idiots. But I think there is a much deeper reality in rejoicing in our trials. Trials should lead us to Jesus. If God does not cause our trials, then where is He? What does He feel like? Does He care?

The answer is (duh!) of course he cares! How can a child of God be in pain and the God who knows every hair on our head and the one who encourages good gifts to children not be concerned about our welfare? When I find myself in these places, I remember that God likes to hold me, rock me, sing over me like a child who is being tormented. God is the ultimate mother hen--and yeah, Scripture says that. God does not like it when the Devil is scheming, but He also allows it because He sent His Son to die for me. That is how serious God takes sin and brokenness. Last night I had this mental image of God spread out over me to protect me as when something is attacking your child or your pet. You cry and comfort the fallen and you seeth at the oppressor. But instead of saying don't worry, I'll never let that happen to you again, I hear the sweet voice of God saying--don't worry, this is why I sent my Son. He's done it all. This too will be made right. He has already won through the cross and resurrection back in 33 AD and through Him I've claimed you and you'll see Him rise in final victory. You'll celebrate at the victory table which will also be a marriage banquent.

If our trials don't put us at the feet of the Cross where we find love, justice and mercy, then we need to wonder about whose feet we are prostrating ourselves before.

Frustrated

2009-04-21T23:54:00.002-04:00

So, given that I am naturally extremely opinionated, I wanted to comment on Perez Hilton's blog about the whole Miss USA debacle, but I didn't want to give him the attention he craved by posting on his website.

So what's the big deal? Perez asked Miss California her opinion on extending gay-rights. A pertinent question for today's time, but definately one that is so taboo that it would almost seem unfair to put the question to all of the contestants. Carrie Prejean began by arguing that there is some right to choose in this country, yet she believes according to her upbringing that marriage is defined between a man and a woman. Perez's outrage against her is that she would not properly represent the diversity of people within the US and that she was therefore a bad candidate for Miss USA. So he gave her a zero for her score. They both agreed that her answer lost her the crown. Not only did her opinion cost her the crown, but she has been continually harassed by Hilton on his website and in media interviews.

I personally would not qualify her opinion as "hate." Her views were not expressed in hostility, though she may not be fully aware of the legal consequences that the LGBT community face by not being able to marry. Regardless, I applaud her for sharing her views even when she knew it would be unpopular and would cost her something that she deeply desired. She also does not seem to be crying foul for her loss and is simply making her views known through media outlets.

Ironically, this news (for me at least) came on the same day that I found out that the Westboro Baptist Church (a hate group listed by a certain important organizations that I can't remember the name of) picketed in front of the Duke Medical Center. I was incredibly happy to hear that Duke Chapel opened its sacred doors to host a breakfast for the LGBT community to show love to them and reaffirm that the views of WBC is not the Gospel.

Prejean's comments paled in comparision to the horrific language and views of the WBC. Simultaneously, Perez's response also paled in comparison to the means of correction that Duke showed. He attacked Prejean for alienating people (yet he suffers from minor myopia that her opinion is not rare and is shared by many--included their home state of California through a voting referendum). Perhaps she could have left out the comment that she saw her country agreeing with her opinion, but she did assert that she was aware that others have the right to choose.

Both Prejean, Perez and myself are equally broken people. I was shocked at Prejean's provocative clothing and photos, her self-identity tied into beauty pageants and her links with Michael Phelps (he's not worth her time given his own maturity issues). But Perez comes off as intolerant to those who do not hold his opinion, his website is overly obsessed with gossip, sex and dehumanization (i mean this in the sense of degrading what was meant to be godly about humans). I know that I too am broken, but I had to vent my frustration and lament. I'm not ashamed that I care about something so trivial because deep within me it reveals the burden that I carry for our collective brokenness as humans.

History and Christianity

2009-04-14T16:14:00.002-04:00

UNC Asheville trained me well in the discipline of history. I can pull apart texts. I can find bias. I can compare methods and ideas. I can see a deep relationship between historical events and how they affect our everyday life and our stereotypes. The discipline is absolutely necessary for understanding society.

So what happens when society, history and Christianity intersect? I feel that I can assure one thing with confidence that always seems to apply to human beings and the Gospel: it gets messy. Our Protestant buddy Martin Luther claimed that the epistle of James was a letter of straw. How does that affect hundreds of years of Protestantism, Catholicism and Judaism? I don't know about you, but I'm not ready to toss James. What happens when you discover that a good chunk of Christian doctrine is mixed into the context of Greek philosophy and philosophies of other eras? How do we bring correction when modern-day people twist Scripture for their own agendas? What happens when so much more of the Scriptures become clearer once you learn to read the Old and New Testament well by studying languages, history, literature etc. because they were written thousands of years ago?

So often the answers to these questions can become clearer when using the tools of the historian. But at what point do those methods go too far? At what point are the tools no longer applicable to studying something as personal as Christianity?

I have some thoughts on this, but I think it is time to live in the tension of this often unrecognized tension.

My Spring Semester Academic Learning Curve

2009-04-09T19:53:00.002-04:00

So, back by popular demand...is a blogpost. I gotta get back to doing the things I love--and this is one of them. Despite the fact that this semester has been all over the place when it comes to my health and ability to get to class, I've found that I've actually learned a lot! This list is not hierarchical, but simply stream of consciousness:

1) Read the Gospels in Synoptic Parallels. It is pretty fascinating when you read the Gospels through the lens of what the author chose to include in their telling of God's amazing story! If you are super-analytical like me, you will LOVe dissecting all of the facets of what each Gospel includes and what it doesn't.

2) Read the Old Testament. Read the New Testament. Read them through the eyes of a Jew. Read them through the eyes of a Gentile. Read them through the knowledge of Christ as Messiah. If you wanna go deep, don't just rely on yourself to come up with some miraculous interpretation, but use the concordance notes in your Bible. Chances are that if you read the echoes deeply, you'll have an interpretation that is much more orthodox and mindblowing! Think of the example of the significance of the tearing of the curtain when Jesus died. You only get the deep significance of that when you realize what the curtain was there for in traditional Jewish life. There are many more crazy occurances like this if you read deeply and interpret intertexually.

3) It is ok for those of us who follow Jesus as Lord to study the Historical Jesus. We don't have to leave that to Bart Ehrman. In the words of the guy who redeemed the study for Christ followers said post-WWII that if we aren't focusing on who Jesus was and who He said that He was, then we create our own Jesus (and he was refering to folks like Hitler). Let's not make our own Jesus--lets find and be found by the REAL one.

4) The Prophets ROCK!!!! They are bedrock foundations for the New Testament (and for understanding the life of Israel). If the Church truly wants to be the Church, we gotta read these scary passages and IN THEIR CORRECT CONTEXTS!!! Read around Jeremiah 29:11 and you might pee in your pants!

5) This is an overall lesson from reading the OT with Ellen Davis: a blessing from the Bible is usually blessing and curse wrapped together. Be carefuly when opening these lovely presents!!!

6) The Protestant Reformation can make Protestant Christians nasty people. Luther, Calvin, Zwingli and all of the other Reformers were pretty amazing (and you should read what they actually wrote instead of interpretting them through the denominations and doctrines that are named after them). However, be mindful that as someone said "the Protestant Reformation was an argument or a reaction." They weren't necessarily trying to turn over the whole he church. The interpretations of the Reformation have dramatically influenced how we treat others, how we think about God, etc. Remember this before you start to think that the Church started with Luther. Read Christians who existed before and outside of the Protestant Reformation. It might help critique our myopia.

7) Women were actually part of the Protestant Reformation and some of them were quite amazing! I think Katherine Von Bora is my favorite!

8) The Wisdom Literature is kind of layered: There is Proverbial Wisdom that upholds the status quo (though I'm told it is still not all bad...I'm still working on that one). Then there is Ecclessiastes/Qohelet who is your typical Ashevillian who tells you what is important (eat, drink be merry and throw in some spirituality b/c all else is vanity). Then there is Job who had crappy friends who tried to tell him proverbial, prosperity wisdom when God was trying to teach him about life with God. It is ok if your life follows this path. According to my super fab teachers: Beware! Job is always around the corner. Once God gets a hold on you, you may not get to go back to the simplicity of proverb world.

9) If you have never hung out with 600 page commentaries, you should!

10) Take Greek and Hebrew. I haven't taken them yet, but you realize how important they are when the scholars who are looking at the text are trying to figure out the significant meaning of prepositions: "Faith IN Christ" and "Faith OF Christ" are two highly differnet things. This would scare the crap out of Rev. Birdsong.

11) According to Ellen Davis, if you read something in the Bible that does not fit the commandments Jesus spoke about (love of God and love of neighbor) then you may need to move from a literal to a metaphorical interpretation.

12) This is my own interpretation of sorts but, when dealing with God, you must read with a lens toward justice and mercy, death and resurrection. As my dear friend Abraham Heschel suggests, read books like Amos and Hosea together as duel understandings of who God is. Read Jonah and Nahum together too.

Commonality and the Crazies

2009-02-11T13:51:00.003-05:00

So I've waited a lifetime to be at Duke for the storied Duke-Carolina Game.

And the excitement hasn't hit me until now.

Granted I truly love my Blue Devils and I CHERISH the memories that they have made which are like patchwork pieces of my life. But this year my heart has been caught up in the mix of trying to understand where all of the emotion comes from--how we make something so small so big. How we wrap our identity into which shade of blue you pull for. How these false identities cover up truth: 1) that our identity is really covered and influenced by how we see God and 2) that every game is a good game to watch your favorite team--especially for me when it comes to Cameron.

So where does this excitement come from? Why now?

It started when I saw the campus covered in blue. I woke up this morning tired, but I still got up and put on my blue. The K-ville residents who have been sleeping outside for days and weeks are also in their blue. Our lecture hall was filled with blue.

There is something about shared experience. Commonality. It makes you a community and that is where the enthusiasm comes from--the them vs. us.

I got excited when I saw the suffering spirits of those Crazies whose airbed mattresses and sleeping bags litter the sidewalk. At first I wanted to think that there was NO WAY that I'd want to go out and engage in suffering in that way. But then I remember camping out and having the sheer joy that came through suffering with others. I'll never forget reading from an excerpt on a book about cultures of poverty about the importance of how the oppressed laugh rather than crying when faced with trials. There is something uniting and energizing about suffering not alone--but with others. It binds you together, uniting spirits. Commonality.

Thanks for the lesson Crazies!

The Infathomable Truths of Folk Culture

2009-02-11T11:38:00.003-05:00

Southernisms. Ebonics. Hebrew.

What do they all have in common? The power of language and shared experience where culture is transmitted. Words are evocative layered onions.

Sometimes I get frustrated when I'm stripped of my colloquialism. When I loose it, I loose my way to speak, to have a true human voice. I must exchange it for argument, rhetoric, thesis-statements--the academic importance of a very very Western world. Please don't think that the language of academia is irrelevant, but it does provide a common language when vernacular (though more expressive, poignant, and even more to the point and accurate at times) isn't translatable and understandable to all. The frustration comes because colloquialism is my very voice and telling me to put it away means silencing my voice. How many times as a Southerner do you feel the pressure to speak better? Or to change your words? Or the Ebonics I picked up in high school--why can't I use those words when they may speak the essence of what I want to say?

I've struggled with the threat of wanting to hide my voice when in academic circles and wanting to only bring them out in the cultures that share the language. But as I'm learning Old Testament when the Hebrew words and images become important, as I learn the history of oppressed peoples in The South in Black and White, when I read about the dramatic display of both God's justice and mercy--I find that is the very language that I (and others) try to bury. For example, the double meaning of "blessed" like blessed prosperity and blessed out in black culture is much more accurate to describe the hebrew concept of blessing.

What happens if we begin to loose these modes of language in exchange for the argumentative style of writing? It begins to bury our culture and then even our very ability to communicate live--especially life cross-culturally and in our deep state of humanness.

The Power of Memory

2009-01-26T19:40:00.002-05:00

Over the past few years I have found myself holding tight to the book of Hebrews, finding that when my faith seems insufficient, it can rest on the power of memory. I have found this theme to permeate throughout the Old Testament as I've been studying under Dr. Davis. There is something about memory that is absolutely profound. What is equally terrifying for me is realizing that memories that are negative can be equally profound and can tear away at the foundation of any sense of hope.

As I've made my way slowly through my material for the South and Black and White class, I'm finding that it is either the perversion of false memory (the glorious Antebellum South or the "evils" of political changes after the Civil War) and instances and threats of violence to keep people in check so that white supremacy would prevail that fulfill much of the memories that Southerners have of the past. The propaganda of these tactics were both meant to rile up whites and to weaken and castrate blacks (and even those who would "side" with "them"). What I find incredibly interesting is that these tactics are alive and well in today's America.

--I think I was about 11-12 when I had my first run in with the KKK. Having grown up in the city school system rather than the county school system, I was surrounded by people who did not look like me. As a student in what had previously been the "old black high school" named after Dunbar, the MLK Jr. holiday was something that we never missed celebrating at school. There was a lot of hype around school over the first annual MLK parade in downtown. I feel certain that we went to the parade that year, but it wasn't until after running a few errands in town and were making our way back home in the car when we passed the Courthouse which was plastered with men in white sheets and Confederate flags. "What are they doing here Daddy?" I asked, wondering why someone would allow people who I'd learned in school hated others would be allowed to approach the Court House steps which only an hour or so before had been the best spot along the parade route. I innocently thought that if we as a people believed they were so bad, then why don't we stop hatred where it was allowed to grow? I can't remember exactly what Dad told me, but I knew he was uncomfortable and was perhaps heartbroken to have to explain such a rough history to his daughters--one which was probably all too close to home to him given that his own father was given the task of integrating by force one of the last segregated schools in NC and therefore the country. That was my first time feeling that maybe this world was not so safe.

--A few years later my sister and her black and white friends were put in danger as they made their way into a hotpocket of KKK activity when they were cheerleaders making their way to the visitor side of the football field. Trucks of white men raced passed them, taunting them with salutations of the N word and 'N-lovers.' Perhaps it sticks out more deeply in my own memory than hers because I remember reading and hearing about the dangers of the KKK and maybe she didn't know the whole story and only remembers her white cheerleading Coach preparing the team for what they might encounter. "They're ignorant," she was told. "Don't worry about them, just ignore them." The team was used to being comforted with hugs and encouragement from their Coach so perhaps my sister lived in the reality that was painted for her by such a positive adult. But I didn't get the speech or the hugs, I just heard the story afterwards and I realized that I could be grouped and identified as a white person by who I associated with and my skin color would not save me. I remember that after that day, if another school taunted us or disliked us, our own everyday groups of preps, nerds, athletes, goths, black, white, hispanic, asian, etc. fell apart it and we became an "us"--a united front that was taunted together.

--When I left my little smalltown for college, I found myself missing the "us." When I recieved news that the bones of a former basketball standout had been found in the sparse woods where he had gone missing after being racially profiled, misidentified with the actual suspect they were looking for, crashed his car and chased into the woods--I knew that not one of us was safe any longer. I knew that Tedric had been murdered for the color of his skin by the deputies who pursued him under a policy of "pulling over anyone not whiter than snow" which we found out months later when the Sheriff was indicted on numerous charges. Yet not one of them included the death of this young man who went off to college, claimed his children (and the children of his girlfriend from previous relationships). And I lost complete hope and live still terrified and angry when I see a white governmnent official who has a holster.

--To write my undergraduate thesis, I spent a lot of time at the Archives at UNC-CH. I remember finding an account of a lynching in my Dad's hometown back in the 1920s that many had called 'very suspicious' and 'dangerous.' I called my Grandfather assuming that I could get some leads into what happened. And sure enough he remembered the event and how it was spoken about at the barbershops around town--even when he lived about 15 miles away at the time. "Jennifer, don't you go digging that stuff up that people don't want to talk about." And from his tone I could tell it was because 80 years after the event he was aware of the memory and felt great fear for me and our family if I exposed anything that others didn't want to become common knowledge.

The burden of these memories of the South weigh heavily on us still. Heavily enough that I fear and heavily enough that I hope for change. Heavily enough that I have to say to myself, "I will not put my hope in education, in my privilege, or even in my own idealism--but unto you O Lord I must commend my spirit--there I will put my hope."

Overwhelmed

2009-01-23T16:20:00.003-05:00

This time I was only able to get through one page on the Wilmington Race Riot of 1898 before I felt overwhelmed. Last time I picked up the material I didn't get too much further than that until I felt not only overwhelmed but deeply disturbed.

As a North Carolinian, as a student of predominantly Southern and African American history (though I am sooo far from being an expert) and as a former history teacher, I am familiar with the Wilmington Race Riots. I'm re-reading material that I have either both read before or have had summarized to me. But this time, it's messing me up. Perhaps it is because I read it as we are studying the Prophets in Old Testament. Perhaps it is because I know longer am looking for the "approved by black people badge" that Dr. Tyson so wonderfully described on our first day of class. Or perhaps it falls around the time we celebrate Human Relations Sunday (which I get a complete kick out of honestly if you study the quirkiness of the white folks who started these days), MLK Jr. Day and the Inauguration of Barack Obama.

As I'm learning to not hate and despise my whiteness, while being more active to confess my race-based sins, I find that it makes me less immune to not just knowing intellectually the pain of injustice, but feeling it in a pathos sense. All of this together raises new questions and emotions that I'm not sure exactly what to do with.

Why is there such a link between active white supremacists and proponents of Education? As a former school teacher I can assure that not only have I seen this in the form of your "typical redneck" folks involved in the Educational system, but I've seen it in more subtle ways in who Jonathan Kozol calls "the people who say that they are with me" like those in the Education Department who tried to physically restrain me from asking Mr. Kozol a question about "apartheid" on our own white-washed campus. And yes, that comment was directed to the "nice Southern women" who had in the name of rules and polite Southern etiquette who had restrained me and thus greatly angered Kozol. Yet I will also say that I left the school system in part because it did suppress me into being that person I didn't want to be--a person who was forced to live scheduled and scattered, expert and executer, not friend but foe, limited by resources, racial and religious tension, reading skills, raucous behavior and raw politics. In the case of the coup in Wilmington, much of the strategies were started and carried out by men famous for supporting Progressive Education.

As a white Christian woman, how do I respond when my race, religion and sex were used to legitimize horrendous acts of violence on the black community and to literally and figuratively emasculate and kill black men? My gut reaction is to cry, wail and throw up (which we learned in Old Testament today was much of the response in Lamentations--thus such a reaction would be appropriate). The answer of laying it on the cross of Jesus almost seems too much. "Jesus, how can you carry and forgive such sin?" Or even if Jesus can handle it, how am I expected to look at my black brother and expect him to forgive people who look like me? If the Christian Church is given the 2nd Great Commandment (according to Jesus) to "love my neighbor as myself," then how am I supposed to love myself as a white person to love my black neighbor and vice versa if correct self-love is supposed to make me rightly love my neighbor? What does this mean for feelings of black shame and white guilt?

I'm in the business and vocation of saying that Jesus is enough. And I truly think that He is, yet I can equally and justly see why others would struggle in this way. But I think the point for me is to situate myself in the sin that Jesus sits in and pays for and (as I believe) endured on the cross. Although I know Jesus is enough, I'm called to wade a little in the water, to linger, to mourn, to grieve, to feel a little of Gethsemane and Golgotha.

Yes, resurrection is coming. Hope is coming. The Kingdom of God is coming. But Jesus waited for it for three days and even made his way down to Hell before He rose in glory. He walked for a certain amount of time (yeah, I should know how long) on the Earth as a resurrected person before returning to heaven to be with the Father. He wasn't afraid to involve Himself in our junk. But he is also present in those of us who believe in Him and also sits at the right hand of the Father and actively involves broken, messed-up people in His work. He calls us righteous because He said we get to have the righteousness that He earned. In the process of making us more holy on Earth, we let go of our earthly junk and live more to the new identity that Jesus gives us: friend, new creation, beloved, righteous, holy, blameless. So how do I as a white person come to terms with the way that God made me? How can/will God redeem my whiteness and the ways my identity has been perverted by the past? How can/will He do this for other races and ethnicities that Psalm 139 says were "fearfully and wonderfully made"?

I have some ideas, but I think it is important for me to spend some time in the in-between area before I start sharing. So come, sit with me where Jesus sits. Sit with me in the brokeness. What shall we mourn over? How shall we respond?

On Reading Amos

2009-01-13T17:14:00.002-05:00

Over the past few days, I've been sitting in Amos. Like, stuck in Amos. Reading for OT unfortunately at times has to be fast since I am in Graduate School afterall. I have often resisted the pace, but Amos has frozen me, made me rock back and forth in my chair, has made me want to crawl under my desk and shout for mercy to God and simultaneously scream bloody murder.

When I read about injustice here, I see pictures. I see the political backlash of us fighting over who'll prayer for the nation at the Inauguration. I see us deporting the foreigner. I see us deporting and turning over people to unjust authorities or even non-authorities where they recieve much less than justice and love. I see national and natural disasters where God has tried to get our attention and we turn away to just comfort people and reassure them that God isn't angry with us and that bad stuff just happens with God playing no part. We should just forget about God and rebuild. I see New Orleans. I see our callousness to draw hatred on world leaders who we consider dangerous (yeah, read about Edom getting punished for burning an enemy king's bones and contrast that with our fascination with how we killed Sadaam Hussein and his children--not that they didn't justly need to be removed from power). I see those who have tried for years to ignore injustice lose their own jobs and power. I see whole nations losing their children and future leaders to genocide. I see us selling and traffiking people so that we can have more and more. I see us outsourcing to do this--all for the bottom line. I see where we ignore the hungry, yet go buy a new pair of shoes--which could easily feed/house someone else for days, weeks and months (depending on the geographic location).

I feel so torn up inside. How in the world have we missed these truths in our Churches?

Seriously???

2009-01-12T11:04:00.002-05:00

So I just noticed that Rick Warren was surpassed by the first openly Gay Bishop for the inaugural prayer spot. Obama baby, this is the first time that I must say that I'm really disappointed in you.

I'm not angry that this man is a part of the ceremony, especially as it truly is a secular event for the entire nation, but what I am upset with is the flip flopping. I'm frustrated that Obama's efforts to be the President of all people has been met with reactionism. I'm frustrated that this choice and good judgement was overturned. I'm mad that people called into question his beliefs to the point that he went back on his invitation to Rick Warren, a member of the evangelical community that needed to be reached out to in hopes for reconciliation. I'm worried that this move may make him lose them. Our nation needed that. And Obama has such a good "gut feeling," resoluteness and thoroughness and strength that I'm frustrated that I can't have those leadership qualities that I want so badly.

On Scripture

2009-01-10T12:44:00.002-05:00

Ahhhh!! Scripture is disappearing!! No one reads the Bible anymore!

This is the battle cry of the latest essay that I have read. Although I heartily agree with some of his assessments on the effects of post-modernism and the horrendous state of education (yeah, I've witnessed that one as a school teacher), I find that I'm attentive to his fears but I see some solutions.

Having lived in Asheville, I can testify that there is a world out there that likes reading and even thrives on religion and spirituality texts (though it isn't always the Bible). Reading Rick Richardson's Evangelism Outside the Box in addition to being tutored under InterVarsity's style of evangelism and teaching, I'm also very aware that post-modernism does open doors for us to share the Gospel with people and help them to find life in the Bible.

I'll be honest. I grew up in a church that was liturgy-based, meaning that set Scriptures are read at the same time every year. I was actually quite outraged when I heard about it because it leaves out large chunks of the Bible. I have not finished reading the Bible in its entirety, but after this year in Seminary, I probably will have done so in a year. Yet the most productive way to read is slowly. There is nothing quite like ten verses or so at a time. The slowness that I've read certain books of the Bible, topical books that use exegesis and small group Bible Studies, all have made me into a person who knows their way around the Bible pretty well.

So my question is why are we not teaching these tools to people? You don't have to be a brilliant person to have the Holy Spirit reveal good stuff. But a college education helps. And this probably explains why these tools work really well for InterVarsity, a ministry that is focused on college students. But I have even taught my students the most basic skills for reading religious texts. I do also believe that if someone can read (or hear) that if they ask the right questions and wrestle with them, Scripture opens itself to interpretation. It may not always be the perfect, right or historic interpretation, but it is one that will foster growth.

I agree that we do need "experts." I'm thankful that some people get to live out their dreams studying the Bible all day and wrestling with the hard questions so that they can pass down that knowledge to those of us who are called to different things. And that is also the role of the pastor and teacher, to pass down good knowledge that God has entrusted to them.

So, I have hope for the Bible. It isn't going anywhere. We as the Church just need to use our God-given brains and the Holy Spirit to help us minister to people. Do you really think God is just going to let the Bible disappear?

All Things Belong to God

2009-01-09T18:37:00.002-05:00

So today was my first day back at school and I've had a LOT to chew on in the past few hours.

I started New Testament with Dr. Susan Eastman today. I remember really enjoying her comments and thoughts when she spoke during Orientation and I feel that I'll continue to enjoy her. She said some really fascinating things about Scripture today. We don't exactly read Scripture well in our society today. Scripture is taking in Jesus--God's Word. And it is supposed to mess us up. If we find ourself flailing when it and our questions about it knock us off balance, we're supposed to dive right in, nose first...falling into Jesus. She argued that it is important to use a combination of techniques to really dive into Scripture well. Some of these require using the skills of a scholar, and others just fully rely on God. The prescense of the Holy Spirit and the "economy of grace" is absolutely essential to our reading. Some people only have these graciously given tools, yet others of us are privileged enough to have other tools to help us give a fuller picture of God. But without these two fundamentals, there cannot be a good biblical interpretation. Scripture, history, wisdom, people--they all belong to God.

During Old Testament, we read through 1 and 2 Kings. God is a Living God. This means that God is free to do what God wants to do. God uses prophets as messengers of what He wants to communicate, and isn't exactly a position of envy. So often we want to follow this prophetic tradition that we see in the Bible: We want to call out injustice or we have "prophetic ministries." We have to be really careful with this as clearly the Biblical tradition reveals that this is a short-lived existence, free to be moved and removed by God, often suffering and a suffering witness unto death. The life of the prophets is clearly about God.

We had a workshop today and over and over I became aware of how much needs to change within me, especially when it comes to time management. I became aware that the issue of handling life, especially life in Div School, is about calling, stewardship and spiritual discipline. All time (and all things) belong to God. This should change how I do things. Do I take time out to care for others? Do I take time to let God take care of me? How do I wisely navigate my time to better steward my time to study? Where am I being idolatrous? At what point do other things dictate my schedule other than God?

The Suburban Christian: Michael Lindsay and Andy Crouch on power and privilege

2009-01-03T15:56:00.001-05:00

I ran across this article on the issues of power and privilege (which I explored in my post called Who Does Jesus Love?) and I thought it would make a good link if you're interested. I really wouldn't be able to comment on something that Al Hsu already so wonderfully put together.
**Al Hsu, an InterVarsity guru who writes good stuff

The Suburban Christian: Michael Lindsay and Andy Crouch on power and privilege

Holiday Moviefest

2009-01-03T15:33:00.002-05:00

So I'm beginning to see the writing on the wall: school starts back soon. It truly did fly by this year as compared to years past. But If you're still looking for movies to catch in, I'll give brief reviews of what I've seen.

1. Mama Mia

Okay, okay, I know...it's a musical. I got this one for my Mom for Christmas. Now I'll admit, I didn't like this one at all when I saw it on Broadway in NYC, but the movie gives a better backdrop to it in my opinion. So if you're not a fan of this, just check out the BEAUTIFUL film location of the Greek Islands, one of my favorite places on planet Earth. Also, I have to admit, Meryl Streep is pretty awesome in this one.

2. Lady Jane Grey

This is an oldie for sure. I checked this out this 1980s film with Helena Bonham Carter starring as the 9-15 day Queen of England during the conflicts between the Tudors. I have a specially love for the royals (though I'm not totally sure why), but to an extent they are family and played a large role in my own family coming to America. Though this movie creates a romanticized account of a true story of "one of the greatest female minds of her time" "who did not want the English crown," it is quite amazing to think how different the world may be if Lady Jane was the first female monarch rather than Queen Elizabeth.

3. Rendition

This thriller is quite thought provoking with an excellent cast. It delves deeply into the issues of torture, identity and the Patriot Act and makes you want to read the Prophets and start repenting. It also really gets to the root of the idea of "security." Where do we put our security? At what cost will we try to obtain it? And does it really make us secure? And of course the answer is that we can never truly be safe. We are our own worst enemy. In our myopia to find safety and security, we miss the dangers of what is right in front of us. Though it doesn't come out and say it, this movie does point to fundamental truths that are crucial to the Christian faith that involve issues of innocence and guilt. Although this movie does include torture scenes and violence, it has tastefully been put together (in my opinion) and it isn't gory or particularly sexually graphic--but rather proves its point without having to go there. However, it is still rated R, so don't go pick up a group of teens who won't be able to think deeply through the subject matter and watch the movie.

4. Marley & Me

This is such a great film about how pets become part of our families, no matter how weird they are. I would highly recommend this film as it is funny, virtuous, realistic, and heart warming. It is sad in the end (which the previews may not prepare you for), but it is appropriate and as a friend says, "truly completes the story and makes it meaningful." However, if you are still dealing with the loss of a pet, I wouldn't recommend going to see this movie yet, though in time it could be really healing, joyful and cathartic for you.

From Junk to Green

2008-12-30T14:46:00.002-05:00

During exams I lamented over much of the junk around my house. I admit, I keep a fair amount of junk, yet I ironically value cleanliness and functionality. So as I begin my New Year's cleaning, I'd like to share some of my finds/ideas for greening junk that is around the house.

1) Salvation Army/Rescue Mission Donations

Start a bin of nice stuff that you don't want to throw away. I started my bin last year and I was angry at myself for not emptying it sooner, but I found that dropping off all of my random, lightly used clothes and other stuff were much needed and appreciated in the month of December when people need cheap, nice stuff to give others. I hate to say it, but I guess I'll blame it on my staffworker Rachel, if you don't like some of the gifts you get, take it back!!! Or if that is too much of a hassle for you like it is for me at times, just put it in the box for someone else's Christmas next year. This shouldn't matter, but you do get a nice tax-deductible for your donation. So there is no excuse NOT to get involved.

2) Recycle your denim!!

For just the shipping fee, you can get rid of all of those jeans that have holes in them that you think you'll wear, but you wouldn't dream of giving them to someone else. Keep in mind that the homeless really do need jeans, especially men's jeans, so I prefer to send my whole-ly ones. I found a place that recycles jeans and turns them into insulation for homes!!!

Fair Indigo Denim Drive
c/o Green Jeans Insulation Inc.
1109 W. Milwaukee Street
Stroughton, WI 53589

3) Broken Technology

So if you can't send your computer stuff to a donation center (like Habitat for Humanity) because it is broken, take it so a Staples store. There is a small fee (like $10). It is definately cheaper than Municipal Solid Waste Management fees and it isn't put in a landfill.

4) Books

I LOVE books, and I will NOT purge unless it is for a good cause. And purging as you all know is actually a good thing. Invisible Children, one of my favorite charities, has a book drive campaign that ends January 31, 2009. Send a book to one of the drive locations and the resell value of the books go to funding the re-establishment of schools in war-torn Uganda. When the campaign is over, you can steal send your books to the company that does the resell for other goods causes: Better World Books. I'll be honest, I've never seen books be a hit in thrift stores or in the places where books or donated (even when I worked in a non-profit U.S. school), so this operation is brilliant. If you are a book-a-holic, you can resell your own books to local bookshops and get store credit for new ones. Then give away your usual budget allotment surplus to a charity of your choice.

5) T-shirts

Do you have a t-shirt that you'd be embarressed to send to a thrift store? Cut the shirt along the seams until you have a front and a back. Cut each a few inches below the arm pits and wah-lah you have 4 cleaning cloths from one t-shirt! Forget having to use paper towels and nasty sponges for cleaning sinks, dusting furniture and windexing windows. I keep an old grocery bag in the laundry room and I wash all of the cloths when the bag fills up.

As I continue with my cleaning and organization efforts, I'll continue to post. If you have good ideas, please comment!!

Who does God love?

2008-12-30T00:11:00.005-05:00

The Poor, the poor, the poor! God loves the poor!! That is good news!! And as much as it is good news, sometimes it feels like old news. Granted, much of that is based on your physical and social location, and I'll explain a little why. Right now, I live in Durham, NC, a move I made from Asheville, a place I dearly loved and would have happily lived out my life until I was ready to be buried, but I made the move in response to God's call to be a reconciliation person. (Disclaimer: Sometimes answering that call is to stay EXACTLY where you are--just go pray about it if you're confused). I came here to learn how to love the poor and disempowered in better and more meaningful ways. In my Methodist upbringing, I heard that message a lot from the pulpit, saw it in action from hippies and the like in Asheville (Christian or not and most often not through the Church), and then in both Mainline and Evangelical churches I saw mostly rich people in church claiming God's grace. And it is weird, lately my time in Durham I've seen a lot of people who claim to love the poor (and they do), but yet have deep contempt for the rich (yet of course, that's not them--they aren't rich, they are poor and at most "middle class" or in debt--but never do they lump themselves in with the rich).

So who does Jesus love? Does he love the poor or the rich people on the pews? Over the past few years I've come to realize that He equally loves both, yet he shows more active concern over the poor more or less as an equalizer and also as a realist, knowing full well that money can distract people who have already hardened their hearts and chosen their own god.

Much of my story growing up in L-town gives me this hybrid identity: a born-and-bred white person going to a predominately multicultural school where I was the one who had to learn the art of acculturation to a certain extent; an AIG/AP kid and considered a "prep" without ever truly feeling that I belonged to the incrowd; yet when I explain where I went to school I was told that I was from "the disadvantaged parts" yet I would simultaneously rub shoulders with prominant North Carolinians and attend all the social functions of the Old South.

As the children's book I have on Barack Obama says: In a world of separation, "being both, [you can] not take sides." For a good chunk of my life, I tried to pick sides. Am I going to be the outcast or the socialite? I spent a number of years trying to be totally one or the other. It was torturous living in a world where I didn't totally fit into either category. I wouldn't say that either one is better than the other, but I can say that I'm learning that God can use and redeem both parts of me. And when I'm operating from the place of not choosing sides and letting God both use me and transform me (and of course repeat the process again), then I feel that I can obey both the parable of the talents and the parable about giving up all for the Gospel.

To me, this is part of what reconciliation means. It isn't about an outside force arbitrarily trying to give justice when they can't do it (because they represent a certain "side"), but it is about Jesus. Jesus was the epitome of what it means to experience both sides, "fully God and fully man." Jesus is able to re-establish relationship because He can't take sides, but he can arbitrate justly from both.

Yes, I've been in those churches that says God wants to make you wealthy and prosperous (and not so much in the Joel Osteen way, but just really emphasize that Scripture is talking about spiritual conditions and not physical) and I've also been to the ones who encourage you to give all to the poor. I find that in both extremes, people lose parts of the Gospel--Jesus LOVES lost, messed up, screwy, hypocritical and screwed over people. He doesn't pick sides. He does some radical things. Extremely radical things for the poor, disempowered, ethnic and gender issues, etc. But he also didn't turn away Nicodememus the Pharisee or the Rich young ruler. He lauded the man who had many talents and multiplied them and punished the man who had little and didn't squander it but rather saved it--a 100% return investment.

I'm not saying that I know how God works, because as much as I love Him and as much as I come to know how amazing God is, the more I have to admit that I don't understand. We must be careful in how we love and attempt to love people--and who we say that Jesus loves. For if you are like me, saying that God hates the rich means hating people like me. Seriously, are you going to hate on Bono for using his celebrity to draw attention to Africa and AIDS? Are you going to hate on his Product Red campaign which uses capitalisim and consumerism to save lives? Are you going to hate the three American cowboys who on a whim went to Uganda and started the Invisible Children project, using their privilege to truly change things on the ground--even helping to stop a war that lasted for decades?

Reconciliation (to me) is about what God has first done for us in Christ. Where God reaches down to us who have wronged him and yet also have nothing to repay their debt, and all of it is taken care of (painfully so) through Christ's incarnation, death and resurrection. That Christ did not see equality with God something to be held on to or merely thrown away, but to bring restoration. For us to mimic this is not only to recieve this grace, but for us to equally love those Christ died for (which Romans says for is the ungodly)...and uh, yeah, last time I checked that would be all of us.

**Disclaimer: This does not mean go and make lots of money. It means that money can actually translate into change. I believe God calls us to use our material blessings well. I used to think all people who aspired to be doctors and lawyers were scum of the earth who couldn't really love God; and then I learned about how God's calling is purposeful, and it is simply our human designation of salaries that causes discrepencies in professional wealth (ie. think teachers). Yet that doesn't mean that someone couldn't equally serve God all day in their work environment and then give a large portion of that away through tithing. Even when I lived on a teacher's salary, I found that I had (as a single person) waaaaayyy more than I needed to live on and could lavishly give when anyone had a need. I could have chosen to buy a new car instead, or upgrade other parts of my material life, but through growing me in contentment, God helped me to give and to give cheerfully. I then taught at a non-profit boarding school where all of my living expenses were met on a very very low salary (below minimum wage), yet I did just fine. I didn't have as much freedom to give, but I experienced life on the recieving end and I never had a need.

Lord of the Flies

2008-12-24T12:15:00.004-05:00

So yes, it is Christmas Eve and I'm posting on Lord of the Flies--how unappropriate you may say (and so I thought too). I finished this classic late last night, not being able to stop reading. I'm unsure whether I kept going because it was suspenseful or whether I really wanted to be done with all of the gory details.

I used to like disgusting murder books like the Fear Street series when I was younger, but I wanted to chuck this book across the room many times, furious that it is read by 9th graders everywhere. We live in a culture that is much too violent. Having been a teacher for a year (it feels like a LOT longer though) and having spent a lot of time with children and wanting to continue to do so, I find myself making a lot of choices about my parenting style and reflecting on the style of my parents. Although they could be true duds at times, I look back and want to say "thank you" for the rate at which they sheltered us from television, video games, etc. Of course that didn't last long, but I've found that it has had a lasting effect on me as I want to purge my insides when I spend time with children who spend all of their time that way--especially when they are in Christian homes--nothing frustrates me more than that.

My gut tells me to shelter my kids from gore, war, myopia, apathy, etc. I think that is genuinely one side of the coin when it comes to good parenting--good sheltering. But then as I read through Lord of the Flies, and especially as a much older person, I found so much truth in it. That the true beast, the true savage is the one that lives within us and around us in others. And yes, this is very Gospel, just go hang out with Augustine. So as a parent, I'm also obligated to show the other side of the coin--the ugliness of our true nature. This book can have a positive impression and is very teachable, and I would say don't just let a developing child (by age or mental age) just pick up this book without help navigating it.

The controversy doesn't really end there for me though. At what point is a kid ready to know those hard truths of the Gospel? That this world and even our very selves are destroyed and destructive beyond imagination? I'll be honest, I have no idea. But I can also say that for me, I lived a life that was pretty screwed up to begin with, so it wasn't too much of a shock. But the real shock was seeing the imperfection of perceived good people. When you realize that adults aren't always going to act like adults. But this is one reason why I'm really drawn to those with screwy lives, that can get this end of the Gospel. The hard part is teaching them to hope and dream.

Reactionism and Church History

2008-12-18T23:04:00.002-05:00

I was reading a book, Singles at the Crossroads by Al Hsu, and he proposed the idea that when looking at singleness, reactionism has played a huge role in the Church's theology of singleness, marriage and family. And since I've recently finished (and passed) my Church History class, it was quite interesting to follow Hsu's understanding of Church history. He argues that early Christians reacted against the OT belief that family equated with social salvation. Jesus put singleness and marriage on the same plane. Yet in their reactionism to the Jewish standard, and much much more so the Gnostics, the early church supported celibacy. When celibacy failed, during the Reformation, the Protestant Churches started a new norm in reaction to celibacy that was so pro-family that eventually (as we see now) that marriage is seen as a more worthy choice.

I'm totally concerned by this! How much of our Christianity and our theology is a reaction to the secular or the culture? Granted, I am usually one to say yes, Jesus is seen through culture, but I think there is also a limit to that as well, where we begin to create our own version of Christianity. Think! Yes, we do need to be react when the Reverend Birdsong types show up at college campus' and tell of a distorted Gospel. But at what point does our reaction also become a new Gospel? Or becoming a new distorted Gospel because it is reaction. At what point (and how) do we turn and move the Gospel back to center? Be assured that I myself have a lot to do as well as I realize how much I have internalized the A-good-Chrisitian-is-a-good-family-oriented-person over the busting-open-kingdom-doors-as-a Single person.

It's so complicated that that admission of my internalization is all I can comment on at the moment. The rest is too overwhelming.

Reactionism

2008-12-18T22:42:00.002-05:00

Reactionism. It has been on my mind lately. It came back as I turned on the news to find that the latest headline is "outrage" over Rick Warren being chosen by Obama to open the Inauguration with prayer.

The outrage being televised is that liberals are upset that Obama, who claims to be an advocate for gays and lesbians (yet who also ironically when asked, supports one-man-one-woman marriage and Biden outrightly says he's against gay marriage), would choose Obama an evangelical conservative who is pro-life, pro-hetero marriage.

However, I am equally certain that certain evangelicals are now convinced that now Rick Warren is a sellout to politicians and Jesus will come back even sooner. For them, it would be a different type of outrage.

So at what point does reactionism come full circle? Liberals ask for equality for all, and then have issues with a choice who Obama claims is part of his choices for diversity that represents the country for the Inauguration. And then conservative evangelicals cry out for evangelical involvement in the mainstream, especially politics, but not for the "wrong politician."

And from this article, an Episcopalian bishop in D.C.(?) claims that Warren is not a representative of the true loving God. I think that Obama and Warren would both agree with me that it is more about reconciliation. And that my dear brothers and sisters is also part of the story of our loving God, that we come together even while messed up and not on the same page...it's about disagreeing without being disagreeable--the same concept that many of us voted on Obama for.

Evolution and Africa

2008-12-15T19:53:00.003-05:00

So as of late I have picked up a book on Africa in preparation for my trip this summer to Uganda. Yes, for those of you who do not know, I'm going to Uganda and Rwanda for 2 weeks on a pilgrimmage with Duke Divinity School--it should be absolutely amazing and a true answer to prayer. But as I'm reading the book, I'm stumbling over (and groaning over) the many references to Evolution.

Forgive that I come off as a complete fundamentalist in my struggles over this issue, but I just don't believe in it. I can't believe that humans derived from monkeys--I see the resemblance, but I trust the Genesis account. Now granted I find certain aspects of evolutionary biology and anthropology extremely boring subject matter, I don't believe that it should be totally chucked out--especially for those in those areas of study. But I'm just at a loss for how to respond in my annoyance. Annoyance at the pervasiveness of evolution in the current book I'm reading and in the culture, but also at my lack of clarity and ability to communicate what I think/believe is false or true about it, since I definately do not believe in chucking all of science due to a few Scriptural problems with it. I'm annoyed that it makes me want to skip large chunks of the book I'm reading because I find it so at odds with my beliefs that it seems like silliness to me...and also somewhat mystical--like reading a gnostic text or watching Joel Osteen on tv.

How do I go to a land that for so long has experienced oppression by my own people (because of both the Bible and Darwin), and then not believe in such a pro-African anthropology such as the culture hearths? I'm having such trouble reconciling.

But here is something I find helpful in the midst of my struggle that I found in a book by Thomas E. Schmidt in Straight and Narrow?: Compassion and Clarity in the Homosexuality Debate (yes, I know, that is a can of worms on its own). But he says he believes in "the primacy and finality of the Bible's authority for faith and practice" meaning "that Scripture is the first place to look and the last place of appeal for guidance...Human experience, human traditions, and human reason...[are] a few examples of positive input [for authority] and are essential participants in a conversation intended to apply Scripture to our lives. To say that they have no place, that the Bible speaks alone, is simplistic and perhaps deceptive--there is always some interpretation going on."

I like that Scmidt argues that we cannot be ideologues. In the particular quandary that he studies (homosexuality), he argues that there is a complex theological case against it. I also like that my professor, Ellen Davis, argues that the issue is too messy and will not truly be resolved by the Church in our lifetimes. So I can take comfort and do some sort of settling in the ambiguity, and hopefully reading and responding with love when it comes to these hot button issues that truly are complex, where Scripture and Experience seem to collide.

A Track Before the Technology of the Train for the Terrain

2008-12-14T22:11:00.002-05:00

I watched one of my classic, go-to-feel-new movies: Under the Tuscan Sun. Perhaps it was the beauty of Tuscan Italy, the meszmerizing Diane Lane, and the suave Italianos which had for all of these years distracted me from the actual storyline of the movie, which is a work in its own right.

A divorcee, a fixer-upper, a risk...a story that has met me in both romance and heartbreak. But today it struck a new chord in me. Francis was given the beautiful advice in the midst of her sadness to press on in hope and faith when her world was shattering, when she thought that moving on with her life in bold ways could be a mistake. A friend told her, "You know, in the Alps, they built a railroad track that was greatly needed long before a train was invented that could withstand the arduous journey. It isn't until the end of the movie, that all of Francis' wishes come true, just in a different way, as she realizes her prayers (though to random Catholic saints) were not in vain.

I feel that my life lately has been a lot of track building, on tough terrain well-before a train would meet the trestle. The past year or so has found me picking up my bags and moving to an obscure and at first unwelcome portion of the state, a sudden career change with school training at the place I had always dreamed of attending, budgeting and saving for God knows what (I mean that), and family planning without a husband anywhere NEAR on the horizon (a result of medical choices to go with the new-found disease), and I'm sure the list could go on and on.

Building a track is tough work, and it can mostly only be built with hope. Yet I find as Francis does, that the building, trusting, hoping gives her a new name, Franchesca, and will do the same for me. Slowly I find that as life goes on that as I just keep going, just keep praying, just keep hoping, that my dreams and wishes do indeed come true, just NEVER as I have imagined them. And for that, they are the more sweet. The handiwork of God, and not by me.

Can My Fascination with Books Become More?

2008-11-19T13:19:00.002-05:00

So I'm unsure how it happened, but I found myself surfing online (read procrastinating) and I decided that opening a bookstore is a dream of mine. Now I haven't really thought about this in a calling sense, but rather "I like this concept" and "I could use an on-the-side business in addition to my ministry because I'll be dirt poor." Now I will say that I have been praying that God would help me to use my gift of desiring to give money away to people and organizations in need of support. Yet God revealed to me in prayer that despite what I may think about my financial situation, I will be considered rich because I live in the U.S., I have a degree(s) and I have a savings account. So please don't take this post as Gospel.

But, I must say that I have a great hobby in suggesting books to help people in their spiritual growth. And to my own astonishment at times, Christian bookstores and even the larger secular chain stores do not do justice to the great Christian works that are available to people. Katie Potter told me that at Urbana 03 that someone responded to criticism about spiritual books by saying, "if you reject God's working in people through books, you might as well forget the Holy Spirit." I'm guessing that would attributed to the oh so awesome Greg Jao who MCed Urbana 03 as well as 06, which I attended. And how many times do you walk into a Christian bookstore and find books with massive theological error, are culturally subjective and not inclusive, encourage temptation and fantasy (Christian fiction), and leaves important aspect of God's heart in their selection of books.

I would love to be in charge of selecting beneficial and biblical books that would truly help Christians and seekers alike. Books that would provide striking and gospel answers even when maintaining a secular voice.

How cool would it be to have a downtown bookstore? A bookstore that was like the well in Scripture? A place that was like the River of the Kingdom of God that was a source of spiritual water? How cool would it be to listen to people about their needs and then lead them to a helpful source? How cool would it be to welcome all people to use the space like a library. A place for people to gather and enjoy one another's company in Christian community. This would be a really fabulous enterprise, yet it would have to start with prayer. Many sources suggest starting with an online, in-home online bookstore. Something like that would be great for me to work on as a stay at home Mom. So this is definately not something for now, yet it is something for later. I would like to think that such a business could provide for my family's more pricey needs such as college, Sabbath vacations, etc. and of course would provide a large income to give away.

Opus to Greg Paulus

2008-11-13T12:28:00.005-05:00

So lately I've been angry with Coach K. How can he not start Greg Paulus?! The Duke Point Guard is the nation's most venerated positions--well at least in my world it is! I mean I felt a deep gutteral sense of loss, and it is the beginning of the season, not the end! Those who know me well know that I cry like a baby when basketball season ends, and usually Duke is my last team to go out and close the season for me. I don't turn on ESPN again until Football--sorry baseball fans, it's too boring for me. But seriously...it made me hurt. Call me whatever you want, but when I guy's pride is damaged, I get angry and defensive. Men deserve to be built up! And my guy friends tell me how excruxiating the pride issue is--it's like getting dumped for a girl or being told your not sexy or attractive. It's a form of rejection.

And I thought that maybe I was the only way to feel this way until I saw this very charitable article from CBS:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/sportsline/main11098344.shtml

I mean, Coach, Senior Year!! He's given up football, a lot of time and pain, and privacy for choosing to play basketball at Duke. I'm realizing that part of this for me is nostalgia. I'm one of those people (ok, you've probably never met someone even remotely like me, but I digress...) I'm one of those people who likes only music that other people know--because I LOVE the feeling of community, belonging and memory that it brings. Yeah some people actually listen to lyrics, but I only learn what the words are 5 years later. These people become part of your life! I'll never forget Dad putting my sister and I in our Duke gear and I remember staying up when I was VERY young for one of the Championship Games. I think I fell asleep, but I remember waking of to Dickie V's voice. His voice still could put me to sleep even today because I always watched Duke play and past a certain time when I was little, I'd fall asleep. I remember Christian Laettner and "the pass." I remember Wojo (who had a crush on for the longest time) given that now famous hug with Coach K. Oh yeah, I remember when K was out for a while. I remember stories about my family who lived near Durham would Coach K run ins and signed photographs, a large Cameron Crazie cartoon poster with the Beatles in it, and who can forget what they started selling the floor! How cool is that! I remember Williams and his crazy plays, Battier and his mature leadership and then off the court antics. I remember when Maggette and everyone left. I remember the 2001 National Championship--that was the only good thing that happened that year. I remember making enemies with Carolina fans everywhere I went--and I didn't say Anything! I remember Dad given us the morning speech--Dukies don't brag about winning, they just wear Duke outfits with confidence and compliment people on a good game. Dude, and you remember when J.J. missed his first free throw in like forever! And yes, I've had college roomates kick me out of the room because I watched basketball with too much intensity. I even took a day off school and watched the tournament for 3 days straight one year!

So Paulus has been a part of my starting line up for 3 years now. After watching the amazing stunts that Cory Holt was able to do in L-town and then go off to VT, I couldn't WAIT to have a QB run the ball! And I remember watching Paulus come in with such intensity. He did some learning that first year or so, but man--that's what a Dukie is, Greg Paulus!

Coming to terms with Coach's decision made me question everything I ever thought about Duke Basketball. Could this really be happening? I finally go to Duke (Praise be the Lord!) and the one person that I feel like I was truly able to follow for a while is not gonna start? For at least two years I couldn't watch basketball as much because I was teaching. Gotta love that go to bed at 9 and get up at 5 routine!

So the loss, it took me back. All of the things that my Daddy taught me about Duke Basketball and the Cameron Crazies. It was about class, wit and excellence! In my idealistic world, that was like the epitome of good in the world. I mean, granted Dad quoted more from Coach K and his books than the Bible, but that whole excellence thing would make Coach K a GREAT Methodist. (Sorry, can't join you there).

I played basketball starting when I could stand and Daddy made me a goal for each new height that I reached. Yes, I was your average Tom Boy. I couldn't wait until 6th grade when you could go and try out for the team. I felt like I had worked my whole life to get good grades and become a great basketball player so that I could go to Duke. I changed my diet at 2nd Grade (yep, I did), I did 100 push ups and sit ups a day--yeah, go ask the middle school who set ALL the records for endurance testing--oh yeah, that was me, the smallest girl in the school. I even beat the kid who'd eventually play QB at VT! I was one tough cookie!

And then, it all started to fall apart. I used to believe like my parents taught me that you make your own luck, and now I believe that that is foolishness.

I stopped growing. I had taken hormone shots everyday since I was about 3 or less and until 5th grade, and then my body said--"You're done!" 4'10" and a half. Have fun going after your dreams. So that phased me a little, but I watched my man Muggsey rock it for the Charlotte Hornets--so I had hope.

And then, the other kids got even taller. I still practiced--had a 80% shot from anywhere on the court and my best was the 3 pointer! And then it was time to get contacts around the time of tryouts. It took a year to get my shot back at least somewhere close.

And then the other kids just got even bigger.

So I thought about trying out again in high school, but the team was far too competitive for me by that time. And then I began to hear complaints. Complaints that no one came out to cheer for the girls game. My heart broke and leapt for joy at the same time. "I know what to do!" They need the Duke spirit! So I went. For four years I sat in those bleachers and hardly EVER missed a game. For white country girl like me, watching basketball in the city school put me in contact with people that I had NEVER found myself in contact before. I mean I used to just study and shoot hoops at home, but this whole fan thing, being there for somebody else who didnt' have parents who'd come watch them play--this was priceless.

My Senior year was wonderful! What I thought was my sorrow turned into my new greatest passion: caring about people who are left out. I even was honored as a player on Senior Night because they considered me part of the team.

And when I left for college, I was overwhelmed with the new joy that I had found. I still loved basketball--it helped me to think just to sit around and shoot hoops. Just so many memories!

So my freshman year I went for my routine Eye Doctor visit and the new-straight-out-college Dr. looked at me with deep concern. Do you know that you are one hit away from being blind?
I was scared! I had never before that moment realized how precious my sight was. No more basketball she said, or any kind of rough play, anything.

After a while I ignored the warning. I mean, I was the kid who loved to play that drill where you throw the ball in a crazy place and you have go saw it by flinging your body at anything--bleachers, the floor, the wall. So, I can just shoot hoops with the guys right? We hadn't been shooting for 5 minutes when an airball hit me square in the head.

Everything went blank.

My throat clenched. My stomach disappeared. I was waiting for the tears.

And then after a moment of dizziness I could see and the guys were quickly at my side.

I decided it was time to go.

I got back to my dormroom and I crawled into my roomates lap as she held as I bawled. I mean heaving and screaming. I knew it was true, no more basketball. My life was about to change. Everything that I thought about myself was going to change. No longer could I be the strong tough person physically, but I would have to rely on others. And I was going to have to trust that God would have good plans for me. At that time I thought I would be a teacher and a basketball coach on the side--and on the weekends to minister to the kids who play street ball.

While being "superfan" in high school, I had learned to greatly appreciate that the players were doing something that I could not do. They were MY representative. They stood in my place and used their bodies in ways that I could only dream. But my spirit was crushed.

The next crushing blow came about a year later. I tore my labrum in my right hip and couldn't walk for days. I had to rely on people to drive me to class. I had NEVER know pain like that before. And I would sit at my desk icing my hip after going to Physical Therapy with the rest of the men's basketball team. Kind of fun when you share a bicycle with Kenny George! The bike would actually fit my 4'10" petite frame and then would be used by the guys who were taller than 7 feet! I still went to the games and screamed my head off--louder than all the boys as usual. I had my surgery that summer and hoped things would get better. But they told me that'd I'd have to take it very easy because with the pre-existing congenial dysplasis that I had I'd probably be back to redo the surgery every 10 years or so and then get a hip replacement hopefully at about 50. Imagine my horror to realize that my body was dying well before it should.

When I was student teaching I started to have pain in the other hip. It felt the same as the last labral tear, but I could feel some kind of cyst that grew when I was stressed--that would be a LOT when you are a middle school teacher. Took off another Spring Break and had the tests run again. And then the worst pain I can EVER imagine--a needle to inject dye into the joint! Wow, I have pretty good pain tolerance but that makes you tear up just because of the invasiveness. And once the tears started, after all my heartache (and oh yeah this was just in one tiny area of my life) I just was heaving tears with that gigantic needle in my side and that sweet woman named Jane who held my hand and asked me about my life so I could hold it together.

Eventually I made my way to teach again in Durham, only to find that the realities of teaching and the realities of good self-care did not mesh well for me to love my students in the way that they deserved to be loved. The many questions raised along the way led me to the Div School.

So follow with me. I became a teacher because I couldn't be a basketball player. Then I became a Duke Student at the Div School because I couldn't be a teacher. And whoa...here I am at Duke...had my first game (two games actually) in Cameron this week!! Wow!

But here's the point. When doors closed on me, no matter how tough it was, it was for a new one to open. And that sounds sooooo stupid, but I'm here as a witness, and I post all of my crap because people need to see what it means to go to some type of hell and back. So yeah, maybe CBS guy is right. Maybe Nolan Smith has something that Paulus doesn't have. So what? God made Greg Paulus and He made for a reason. He doesn't have to be the most spectacular athlete in the world. God doesn't expect him to unless that's what he wants to do. But let me tell you this.

I've been on Duke's campus now for a few months. And I have NEVER heard or witnessed one negative thing about him. People heckle him all the time, but he humbly and happily takes pictures with people. When he's on the court, he's Lion. And off the court, he has the character of a Lion! When I watch he and the other guys play, I see God's glory. I see guys who think/command their body to do something, directly or indirectly--and just like Jesus healing people, the body obeys!! My body doesn't do that and I just have to sit in the glory of what God is doing in those guys! Yeah, I jumped up and down in Cameron as if it was heaven--and I had waited a heck of a long time to do that--and the anticipation made it GREAT!!! And the crazy this is, there were glimpses of what it is like in Cameron when I was in high school and college. Kind of like when we see pieces of heaven here on earth.

So Greg Paulus, you don't have to be a starter eventhough that may be what we all want in our gut. But by golly run that race that God gave to you! Without you, there is no team because there is no heart. There is no spirit. That is why I miss you in the starting line up.

And because God made you all so differently, I can rejoice when I see Singler, Henderson and McClure dunk, when I see Miles and Zoub block a shot. And I can rejoice when you come roaring on the Court! I can rejoice that you all are as Coach says, "A part of something greater than you could EVER attempt to by yourself!"

So Go!!!! Let them hear you roar!!! Let them see what God has put in your heart!! And may God be the Glory!!!

Secular Examples About Our Relationship With God

2008-11-10T16:16:00.002-05:00

1. Obama

I know some of you are cringing that I cannot stop talking about him. The night before he was given all of Presidential briefs on security that would probably send chills down the average person's mind, I committed myself to praying for our new President. I gave thanks to God for answering the prayers of many black people, not just those of today, but those of many generations who had prayed for equality. And I found the example of Moses coming to mind. During the time of Israel's slavery, many people had been praying for their liberation--and it seemed that God wasn't doing anything. Why would a good God sit around until He felt like intervening, letting the ones that He loves experience suffering? But rather, God had a plan. While people were praying, a child was being born. While they cried for help, a chosen child was in Pharoah's favor. While they lamented, Moses was being prepared in the land of Midian. In the heat of the Civil Rights Movement, Barack Obama was born. Regardless of what you think about his politics, for many black people, he represents answer to prayer. People prayed for change at the time wanting a right-now answer from God (and that is a justifiable plea), yet God was planning an answer for down the road. I forget so often that prayer is just like this. God operates so differenly that we'd like Him to, but he absolutely hears those prayers and organizes a response--and it may be a lifetime in coming.

2. Mercy, my cat

For the past few weeks my sweet pea has not come to sleep in my bed or even in my room! And it just drives me crazy. For so long she wanted to be where I was at all times whether that means in the shower, in the bed, and yes, even on my desk when I'm working! So I was confused when I would find her laying on the cold kitchen floor or sitting on the counch all by herself when I was waiting for her to join me in the big comfy bed. Last night, I picked her up and settled her under the covers and gave her lots of rubbings and kisses so that she'd realize that I didn't hate her. I think our relationship with God is sometimes like that. We'll all of a sudden think that God has abandoned us or doesn't want us and we move away from the place of comfort to trying to get by on our own, knowing that our true happiness (and purrful living) is when we're with the one who loves us.

3. Weezer

So this weekend my entire family and my sister's boyfriend's family came to tailgate with us here at Duke. Mom made plans to meet at a museum on campus, yet 30 minutes before time to meet, the "in-laws" found that you couldn't park in that lot. Everything was dependent on meeting in that central parking lot. So I had a very quick easy fix to the situation, yet in the time of complete undoing, my sister didn't listen to a single thing that I had to say. And in one of my not so godly moments, I hung up. How can you refuse the wisdom of someone who has the knowledge you need in your time of struggle? We do this with God ALL the time. He has all of the answers in the world to guide us, yet we refuse His help in our efforts to impose corrections on the Master or to lament or run around like chicken with its head cut off when God can mend it back together.

A New Dawn...

2008-11-05T12:41:00.002-05:00

I realized that electing a black President would be historic, but I never realized that it very well could be life changing.

Today my black students and other students of color can say that there is no glass ceiling to them acheiving their dreams. They may face barriers, but the ceiling is gone. Today if they did not have a good example of what it means to be a black man, they have it now. They have a representation of someone who looks like them being successful. How important is this when most residence of jails and prisons are black men? How important is this when a majority of black children grow up without their biological fathers or father figures in general? How important is this when black children are tempted to not "become white" by pursuing academics by thugs when they see the White House as the home of a black family?

And then there was the change in me. I would love to say that it was conversion that made me believe in racial equality. And to an extent, the Bible solidifying my beliefs on justice and God's affirmation of racial diversity, but today as I walk around campus at Duke and pass black men, no matter their station, I think to myself..."Oh, he or she can be the next President, that he or she can do anything a white person could do." That thought is replacing the other thought that has always sat in the back of my mind which my culture has taught me, "Is that black man dangerous to me, a white woman?"

Praise God for this! This is part of what forgiveness and reconciliation means in the Bible. Our sinful ways and our negative feelings are replaced with godly and positive thoughts. Finding this change in my thoughts, I don't think I ever realized just how racist ideologies had been deeply embedded in my mind. God, will you renew and change our minds in this transition of our democracy and society. And may we never deny the evil of slavery and racism in the past and in the present just because we have chosen a black President.

The American People Have Spoken

2008-11-05T00:56:00.002-05:00

Barack Obama has been elected President of the United States! I must explain that I have supported him, yet in the past I have also voted other ways. Obama is my candidate of choice, yet he doesn't represent all of my beliefs. I am not going to use this time to explain some of those beliefs.

I was very proud of myself that I spent painstaking hours this year researching who I would vote for. While in the booth, I was proud of my choices and that my votes were an expression of my beliefs, though yet again not a full expression. But I was surprised that I did not experience the emotions of voting for a black man for President.

However, when they announced that he had won, when they put "Elected President of the United States," I was overcome with emotion and had tears flowing down my cheeks and a heart that was full of hope and happy unbelief. We just elected a black man for President. After all our nation has been through, after our greatest problems of slavery, and even when discrimination is even evident in our Constitution, our country still proclaims that our government is both dynamic and strong. I admit that this is hard for me to believe, but I am thankful that Barack has taught me to hope again. I guess you cannot believe that change can really happen, but you can hope that it does--and hope is a fundamental Biblical principal. Hope means that we pray, we remain involved, that in our heartbreak we stay with the program. I am so thankful that Barack has lit a spark in me that makes me think that just maybe I can hope again. That just maybe if we care about the things that God cares about and live by faith, hope and love then just maybe, maybe good will prevail for a time in a world of darkness.

And I must then direct my thoughts to the One who made all of this possible. Lord, thank you that you have prepared such a man as Obama who seems almost out of this world in his ability to persevere. Lord thank you that no matter what happens, you are still God and still sovereign. Thank you that this election may teach the Church that we cannot put our hope and our security in who is in power, yet we can still hope. We can still be the Church.

Suffering Part 2

2008-10-27T10:36:00.004-04:00

So within a week or less of writing my post on suffering, I found out that I was in fact suffering and that my suffering could be soon reduced. After being misdiagnosed with Anxiety/Depression for 1-2 years, I found out that it is really my thyroid that has been making me suffer for that time, if not longer--I'd say since 10th grade when my hair started falling out (not unreasonable since that is when my Grandmother had a diagnosed goiter and had the entire thyroid taken out a year earlier--we think--It's nice nice to tell your decendents about your medical history since so much is genetic!) So after a few tests, I can be freed from oppression!

It is amazing to me that I never realized that my suffering could be diagnosed and then treated!

So today as I was using the oh so wonderful Sacred Space daily prayer, it included a passage from Luke. I'll admit that I haven't read Luke in years, which explains why I felt that it really just made me feel like I fell on my face. The amazing thing about Luke is that he was a Doctor, and much of his writings come through the lens of a physician.

So I am used to reading the passages about Jesus healing people by people being healed by their faith. But in Luke, the passage says that there was a woman who had a "spirit" that cursed her physically--making her severely disabled where her back has curved to make her walk around with her face to the ground. Her condition made me immediately think of what Dr. Smith claims as Augustine's understanding of sin. That not only are we capable of sin, but that we are so deeply marked by the Fall that our nature is deeply changed. Where we once were able to follow God and follow him with a straight back so that our face could look to God. After the Fall, our backs curved and our face could only look on ourselves and the ground. Therefore, sin is the product of looking to self and the world (ground) instead of at God.

In Luke, Jesus doesn't ask her about the condition of her faith. He doesn't ask her if it bothers her to be healed on the Sabbath. But Jesus claims that it is right for her to be healed on the Lord's Day since "she, daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has bound for eighteen long years (Lk 13:16"). Clearly, Luke identifies suffering (and it is important to note even physical suffering) as a product of Satan and NOT of God.

Luke's Gospel lines up with some other thoughts that I had about Genesis. It is clear that evil existed before Adam and Eve sinned. They have been told that the fruit of the tree will lead to Knowledge--of good and evil. Evil therefore must have existed beforehand, and it could not exist in the person of God. The answer to the question of suffering that we should be asking is where does it come from...not why does God (fill in the blank). It is important to know too that that does not exonerate humans from causing suffering---but because humans are complicit in sin which leads to suffering--all of which result from Satan and not God.

I'm unsure as to whether or not this means that all suffering is direct action of a spirit, but I think regardless it is important to note and agree on the source of suffering. It is also good to know that Jesus is on the side of freedom from oppressive illnesses. Perhaps not every illness or shortcoming is a Pauline "thorn in the side". Both understandings of suffering (the ones to be healed and the ones to bring humility and wisdom of God).

Learning to Pray

2008-10-27T08:26:00.003-04:00

Last night I kept the "nursery" at church. I spent time with a bright, "churched" 3rd grader. About an hour or so into our time together, she noticed that there were some interesting notes on prayer on the white board. She was confused and shocked that one bullet point said, "What do we do with "unanswered prayer?" "God doesn't answer all prayers?" she asked. "No," I told her. My heart broke with and for her as we both struggle with the issue of unanswered prayer.

So yes, I have been the victim of unanswered prayer. I typically like to think that when it comes to prayer, I am the sporadic always calling on and talking with the Lord type. I don't think that I always walk around with good peace of mind because I'm in constant communication with God, but I lift up a good chunk of my day--probably more than most people. Although every thought and prayer may not be submitted in humility, by the 3rd or 4th time I pray about the same thing I notice that I'm more willing to submit to God and say "whatever you want." I guess you could say that I'm learning to be more straight forward in asking for things.

Therefore, it was a shock to my system to find that I've struggled with both hearing from God and unanswered prayer. I will say that if I spent more constant, focused time in the Word/prayer then I would not feel so abandoned or cold turkey when I struggle. But lately I have found it so unnerving to pray to a God that I don't always understand--since I'm at a loss of how to pray since both asking and submission aren't working well for me. Please note that I don't think that there is anything wrong in those ways of prayer since they are DEFINATEly Scriptural, but my struggle is that I'm both practically and theologically having trouble with it at the moment.

So what do you do when you feel that you can't talk to the One that you love and need the most? I turned to formal prayer. My Anglican friends assure me that praying words that are true even when you don't want to pray is in itself a spiritual discipline and a true method of formation and growth. Duke offers morning prayer in Goodson Chapel each morning, and although I'd love to join my brothers and sisters of the liturgical persuasion, I am 1) scared of trying something new when it is in a "religious" atmosphere and 2) I may need freedom of time and space to pray for longer and shorter periods of time. I've tried the Celtic morning and evening prayers, but after a while they get repetitive. So I have found WONDERFUL resources for guided prayer online. My favorite is called Sacred Space. It has a focus time, a prayer time, a Scripture time, and a thought time. Although it is not complete--I like that the Lord's Prayer has a calling for the Kingdom, God's Will, Repentance and Forgiveness and Daily Prayer. So I guess if I'm pushed for time and can't use the computer, then I'll try praying through that wonderful prayer.

Happy praying in the Wilderness everyone!

To Suffer is to Experience Change

2008-10-02T17:28:00.002-04:00

In our Church History (part 1) class, Dr. Smith talked about the controversies that involved the nature of the Incarnation of Christ. There was one school of thought that said that Jesus was not truly God if he died on the Cross. To experience the pain of execution (or even birth for that matter) would render the changless God changeable. To suffer is to experience change.

In the past few years after experiencing tremendous pain, I have contemplated the effect that it has had on me. I have certainly found that some of the consequences of pain (not just of sin, but experiencing hurt) have not gone away. One would assume (or at least an American would) that one would deal with some pain in the moment of downfall, but that soon you would return to your old self. But I have found that some of these experience have left me altered, and I wonder if it would be a forever existence. The claim that Dr. Smith made in class, that the ancients have made, tend to point that you do end up forever changed.

I'll be honest, I'm not sure if I like the way that I've changed--or at least some of the ways in which I have changed. But it makes me curious about who I will become. So often we see people completely warped in their thought by the experience of pain and hurt--some for the better and some for the worst. Who will I become in response to suffering, especially if suffering is fundamental to the Gospel?

Crash

2008-09-25T19:01:00.005-04:00

Today, there was a crash. Location: Duke Divinity School, Pastoral Care in Cross-Cultural Perspective Topic: Cultural Diversity and why it's important. White person who doesn't get it, slams on breaks when they realize that there is a world out there that they don't get. And then a group of black people are cruising a little faster than what the average driver is going in knowing/asserting that their world is different from the white world, that oppression saturates even the most assimilated/acculturated person.

And then cRAsH!!! bAnG!!!! bOoM!!!

It was ugly. This isn't the biggest crash I've seen. Some people aim to crash into each other, but a crash that causes friction in the Divinity School? Ouch!

Even though I have a very faint heart (and tear duct) when it comes to race issues, particularly racial reconciliation issues, I deeply understand the importance of being real and not covering up true frustration. It's ok to be angry, ok to feel confused.

However, I think we have a particular calling as Christians to "speak the truth in love." We cannot hide from the truth. And in our anger, hurt, frustration, etc., we are called to not sin. I would also say that as people who find their live in the incarnation, death and resurrection of Christ, that we deeply understand what it means to step down off of our thrones of truth and humbly sit beside those who are struggling to understand truth. If Jesus sits with us and graciously helps us to understand the holiness and truth about God, when he could justly bless us out for not getting God's many acts of self-revelation and mercy; then we are called to sit with people graciously as Jesus did when they don't understand the truth of another world (ie. black/white worlds).

As the reconciler, Jesus acts almost as a translator who because he's both human and man, he can reconcile us to God. He can tell us the things of God that we cannot understand, and as explained in 1 John, he is also our Advocate who goes before us to plead our case to God. When we are trying to understand both the black and white world (and that isn't to say that there are many different worlds), we need both the reconciliation of Jesus, but as ambassadors of reconciliation, we also need a translator. We need someone, or a few people, who can adequately explain what another culture is trying to convey.

My dear white friend today didn't get it, she wanted to get it. She really could have been helped simply by having it explained to her as historical fact. It wasn't her fault that no one taught her black history (and please don't assume that taking a black history course makes you a reconciler, but that it can lay foundational groundwork to understanding a certain culture). But the job of those of us who consider ourselves the culturally assimilated, who can operate in both black and white worlds, can be a bridge or translator so that information can be conveyed in a way it can be understood.

If a legitamately angry black person tries to "educate" an ignorant white person, it can easily be misunderstood, even with the best of intentions. The black person still may be percieved as angry. If a white person tries to talk to a black person about what it means to be white, then they too may be subject to being labeled as "ignorant" and/or "racist." This isn't to say that love and truth aren't enough, but sometimes it helps to have someone who can adequately translate (therefore racist or angry is not what is communicated, but that the language of the different worlds are translated most accurately--not always word for word, but idea for idea).

Social Justice, Food and the Land(s) of Plenty

2008-09-24T13:52:00.002-04:00

Today at the Divinity School I attended a seminar called "Closing the Food Gap: Resetting the Table in the Land of Plenty" (based on a book of the same name by Mark Winne). It was co-lead by Dr. Ellen Davis (Old Testament Scholar at Duke) and Dr. Norman Wirzba (Ecology and the Land Scholar at Duke).

Living with Katie Potter pointed me to what it means to see Jesus and the Land--granted the two professors noted above make their living in this area and who I can learn from in my time here at Duke, but it is Katie who showed me much of the truth that could be found in the lecture. Katie was able to show me that God called her to care about the land because it was not only part of creation that we are bound in relationship with, but that our sin shows up in how we treat the land. Issues of social injustice and poverty can be found in food and water distribution.

As citizens of two lands of plenty (the United States and the Kingdom of God), we are olbigated to play a part in the just distribution of food. Gupy taught me that God has provided more than enough for all his creation (populations explosions aside--remember God was also the one who said be fruitful and multiply--and that doesn't mean go have a quiver without praying).

Some notes/and thoughts from the discussion are found below:

Eating reminds us that our first identity is that of creature. It is therefore a reminder that we depend on others for our eating which results from the sacrifice of others. We are creatures of dependence in our natural state, and in our rebirth we are now dependent of the Bread of Life (Jesus). --Norman Wirzba

The poor are deprived of the nourishment in food that God gave for them. Due to the injustice of healthy and inexpensive options of grocery stores not opening in areas where the poor live. And also, on a more global scale regarding the poor, we deny people the privilege and humanity to feed themselves--rather than rely on food kitchens, banks and other non-profits organizations.

11% of Americans go hungry, while 65% of Americans suffer from obesity and diabetes (most of this percentage falling heavily on the poor.

A food desert is a rural or urban area that one has to travel more than 10 miles to buy healthy food. Keep in mind that most of the people in those areas probably do no have access to a car. Bus systems are great, but it you have humbled yourself to use them (I say that because in my privilege it was a shock to my system) you quickly find out that you are a slave to the bus' schedule and not your own. I remember during Gupy that it took an entire afternoon to go to the grocery store across town using the bus. And just think, we still had to have a staffperson with a car pick us up because we couldn't carry all that we needed just for one week!

"Poverty is the cause of Hunger."--Mark Winne

"We cannot turn our food into energy."--Norman Wirzba on turning to our food into gas because our entire consumption of food (I can't remember the time period) results in 2 gallons of gas.